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Thread: Mother has broken her hip

  1. #1
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    Mother has broken her hip

    Hello. Last night, my 83 year old mother fell going up a step and broke her hip. This is a moment I have vaguely knew and feared may one day soon happen and yesterday was that day. She was able to call me and I went to help her and as soon as I saw her I was pretty sure she had broken her hip. But being her stubborn self, she refused to see a doctor and had me instead attempt to help her walk to the bathroom, which didn't go very well.

    I then told her we would make our way over to the rocking chair and I could pull her in that to the bathroom, which I did. I walked her from the bathroom door up to the toilet which was difficult, but we managed. I then walked out and closed the door and she was able to use the toilet by herself.

    Once she was done, I then got her back into the rocking chair and I pulled her to her bed. I was able to get her from the chair to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I told her again, "I think you need to see a doctor", at which point she agreed with me. I was very surprised at this because my mother is very stubborn, but I knew if she was agreeing with me then her hip probably was broken. I called the paramedics and they took her to the best hospital in our neighborhood.

    They took pictures at the ER and confirmed a hip fracture. She is scheduled for surgery tomorrow.

    I am a little bit beside myself at the moment. My mother is poor, as am I more or less, and out of myself and my two other half-siblings, I'm the only one of us that has any kind of relationship with her. My brother has a strained but ok relationship with her, but he is not a very helpful person in general, and my half-sister really can't be bothered to know her mother exists. She takes her to lunch on her birthday and mother's day out of obligation and never speaks to her otherwise at any other time or for any other reason.

    Which looks like I will be left to deal with my mother's care taking strictly on my own. It will be tough, but I really don't want my brother or sister involved as long as my mother doesn't express an interest for them to be. I work two jobs, one full time and one part time. The part time one I'm thinking I may have to give up in order to care for her. I don't know. I have zero experience with anything like this and I don't know what the prognosis will be once the surgery is completed. It's a bit scary and uncertain at the moment.

    Other than that, I don't know. Just venting, I guess. If anyone here has any experience with this kind of care taking that could maybe point me in a good direction as to how to get started and what to expect, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    (( Hugs )) jul-els

    It's a challenging time and I understand the weight of being that child, the one with left with the responsibility of looking after your aging parent. I was `that' child for both of my parents.

    It's pretty typical that there is one that steps up when the rest stand back. Resentment tends to build, but it's best overlooked. It serves no purpose at this time and doesn't change the outcome.

    But in hindsight you wouldn't want it any other way. It's probably one of the more difficult times in your life, but at the same time it's an honor to be there for your mom. You will look back and have a deep appreciation for this time. It may not seem like it at the moment.

    It doesn't appear there are funds to hire private help but depending on her income, she may very well qualify for state aid. When she has her surgery Medicare will be assessing her needs and taking your participation into her consideration as well.

    My boyfriends mom had surgery last year. She's a caregiver for her older husband and they both live out of state. My boyfriend was there the entire time she was in the hospital and though they are very stealth about it, social services assessed that she didn't need any home care, because after all, her son from 500 miles away showed up. That translated into him unexpectedly staying for weeks at a time, for the most part of last year. Had he not be so available (as it might appear) no doubt they would have sent home care to help them both. He wouldn't have shirked his responsibility, but help for two parents with challenging needs was necessary, yet denied. It almost did him in.

    It's a tough time and you need to take care of yourself.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Big time hugs, buddy. Feeling for you.

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    I am so sorry. Can totally relate.

    This is a lot to deal with. Can you get caregiver to help? The government does offer these services for the poor.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    (( Hugs )) jul-els

    It's a challenging time and I understand the weight of being that child, the one with left with the responsibility of looking after your aging parent. I was `that' child for both of my parents.

    It's pretty typical that there is one that steps up when the rest stand back. Resentment tends to build, but it's best overlooked. It serves no purpose at this time and doesn't change the outcome.

    But in hindsight you wouldn't want it any other way. It's probably one of the more difficult times in your life, but at the same time it's an honor to be there for your mom. You will look back and have a deep appreciation for this time. It may not seem like it at the moment.

    It doesn't appear there are funds to hire private help but depending on her income, she may very well qualify for state aid. When she has her surgery Medicare will be assessing her needs and taking your participation into her consideration as well.

    My boyfriends mom had surgery last year. She's a caregiver for her older husband and they both live out of state. My boyfriend was there the entire time she was in the hospital and though they are very stealth about it, social services assessed that she didn't need any home care, because after all, her son from 500 miles away showed up. That translated into him unexpectedly staying for weeks at a time, for the most part of last year. Had he not be so available (as it might appear) no doubt they would have sent home care to help them both. He wouldn't have shirked his responsibility, but help for two parents with challenging needs was necessary, yet denied. It almost did him in.

    It's a tough time and you need to take care of yourself.
    Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all. I will be there for her, but if my ship is going to capsize, then there won't be much I can do. There will be a lot for me to sort out, but I'll get through it. I have no wife or kids of my own, so outside of work I do have a fair amount of free time available, especially if I quit the second job, which I don't want to do, but it's an option.

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    y brother has a strained but ok relationship with her, but he is not a very helpful person in general, and my half-sister really can't be bothered to know her mother exists. She takes her to lunch on her birthday and mother's day out of obligation and never speaks to her otherwise at any other time or for any other reason.

    I think you need to relinquish some control, here. Both of your siblings should be informed of the situation. I would not expect much, but if your brother offers to help -- and don't expect him to offer help that minute, take it graciously. Its easy to say someone is the "unhelpful one" and decide to be bristly when they do try to help because it doesn't support your view of them. If your mom has difficult relationships with both of your siblings (btw, is your half sister related through your father or mother - your mom is her stepmom or biological mom. If she is her stepmom - i would go easier on her). I would not play the martyr and quit your part time job. See what happens. Mom may have to go to rehab for awhile. Maybe if you just work 20 hours a week, you can see what care she is entitled through medicare and if she is a member of church, a club or something, maybe there is someone willing to look in on her on top of any home health aid that comes in to allow you to leave the house. I would work like crazy while she is in rehab and then see what you can do about reducing hours and figuring out how she can be alone for 20 hours a week.

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    One good thing is my mom is pretty damn tough. Always has been. I'm hoping that resilience may serve her well at this time. It very well may. She knows I'm there for her, so I'm sure that is reassuring to her as well.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    y brother has a strained but ok relationship with her, but he is not a very helpful person in general, and my half-sister really can't be bothered to know her mother exists. She takes her to lunch on her birthday and mother's day out of obligation and never speaks to her otherwise at any other time or for any other reason.

    I think you need to relinquish some control, here. Both of your siblings should be informed of the situation. I would not expect much, but if your brother offers to help -- and don't expect him to offer help that minute, take it graciously. Its easy to say someone is the "unhelpful one" and decide to be bristly when they do try to help because it doesn't support your view of them. If your mom has difficult relationships with both of your siblings (btw, is your half sister related through your father or mother - your mom is her stepmom or biological mom. If she is her stepmom - i would go easier on her). I would not play the martyr and quit your part time job. See what happens. Mom may have to go to rehab for awhile. Maybe if you just work 20 hours a week, you can see what care she is entitled through medicare and if she is a member of church, a club or something, maybe there is someone willing to look in on her on top of any home health aid that comes in to allow you to leave the house. I would work like crazy while she is in rehab and then see what you can do about reducing hours and figuring out how she can be alone for 20 hours a week.
    It is my sister's biological mom. But she has never expressed an interest in having any involvement with my mom. I don't know why. There's no bad blood between them that I'm aware of. I think my sister is just very self-centered. My family is not close knit at all. If they do come in and want to help, of course I won't fight it, but I'm hoping they don't. I don't like my sister and my brother is, honestly, very deficient in the department of being helpful. I think their presence will cause more strain than if they're not there, but that's my mom's call to make, not mine.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by jul-els
    One good thing is my mom is pretty damn tough. Always has been. I'm hoping that resilience may serve her well at this time. It very well may. She knows I'm there for her, so I'm sure that is reassuring to her as well.
    Do what you can to not get yourself burned out on top of it. Accept help where it is given, even if it comes from an unexpected place or from someone you don't like. Also, is she social? Does she have friends willing to sit with her for a bit when needed? Also, grocery delivery is everything in these situations.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I am so sorry. Can totally relate.

    This is a lot to deal with. Can you get caregiver to help? The government does offer these services for the poor.
    Yeah, I don't know. These are the pieces I'm going to have to put together.

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