My boyfriend rarely has sex with me and masturbates weekly

We have been dating for one year. We moved in together and immediately I noticed he wouldn’t try to have sex with me. I would try to touch him at night or during the day and he would say not right now or sometimes grab my hand and say no. I don’t feel like I bother him for it much. On rare occasions he will try to wake me up for boring morning sex, it’s the type of sex where men are just trying to get theirs off , he doesn’t foreplay, he doesn’t give me oral sex, the sex is so bad and I’m dreading it hoping he gets off of me during this time. He takes long to cum or sometimes doesn’t. I noticed that he does look up girls on social media “twerking or just porn” so I know what he’s doing which bothers me. I asked him is it me he says no but also says I want you to be more freaky, lol remind you I try to give him oral, I ride him,do any position he asks for, i offer anal,foreplay and he isn’t in to it much. I keep offering to break up because I have needs to and he breaks down and cries and says he doesn’t want to and will change but doesn’t. I’ve gotten to the point that I shut down my sexual desire for him knowing he goes online and looks for girls to jerk off to. I’m not unattractive, I weigh 113 , I have a nice shape and butt for a skinny girl, I’m mixed race, pretty because I go places and men and women compliment me,I’m clean with my hygiene, I’m independent & I’m 30 yrs old and I really love having good sex. I would think I have all the qualities. He’s a good man he is kind and helpful around the house, helps me cook from time to time and caring but the sex issue is so bad I don’t know if I should put my foot down for good and leave and find someone who will have a normal sex life and relationship with me. I want to feel wanted by a man again I miss that from my past. What should I do?

Sorry to hear this. How were things before you moved in? Why did you move in so soon? He doesn't want to change. You need to reflect if you want to throw your life away on someone who rejects you sexually. Stop having "boring morning sex".

We moved in together and immediately I noticed he wouldn’t try to have sex with me.

 

I keep offering to break up because I have needs to and he breaks down and cries and says he doesn’t want to and will change but doesn’t.

Sorry about all this. Can I ask how long you were dating before moving in? Did this issue come about after moving in, or has your sex life always been lacking, in your eyes?

All in all, this sounds like an awfully lot of disconnect and discontentment for a relationship that's just getting started. Guess that's why I'm trying to understand if this is a new issue or one that you were once able to overlook.

How was the sex before moving in? Does he ever give foreplay or oral?

If a man tried to have sex without any stimulation, there would be no more sex. He sounds incredibly selfish.

"helpful around the house, helps me cook from time to time " Shouldn't it be 50%.

Seems like the answer is quite obvious - end this misery and move on to dating someone who is more on par with you sexually.

On a side note and a disclaimer as I'm not a guy, but what I understand is that for some guys, if they get too much into self help, actual sex becomes undesirable and doesn't feel good. What I'm getting at is that this is nothing to do with you, your looks, or what you are offering in bed. This is ALL him and if he wanted to improve his sex life, he'd stop the jerking off and give himself a chance to normalize for lack of a better word. He will cry and plead, but just like any other addict, he isn't actually willing to change and his addiction is his own hand.

We did move in fast because I had gotten pregnant after being told by doctors I wouldn’t be able to conceive. But I lost the baby after we moved in due to miscarriage. We use to have sex every time when I would visit him at his place, 2-3 times a weeks and sometimes more.

Thank you, i have read about that before

No he doesn’t give me oral at all, it’s weird because my past relationships I would receive oral all the time and foreplay. I thought men loved that

It’s an issue that happened when we moved in together or I guess as some say you don’t really know someone until you live with them?

It’s an issue that happened when we moved in together or I guess as some say you don’t really know someone until you live with them?

You didn't know him well enough at all before deciding to move in. Now you know the "real" him. It's up to you if you want a lifetime of sex his way, only when he wants it.

Sorry to hear this. How were things before you moved in? Why did you move in so soon? He doesn't want to change. You need to reflect if you want to throw your life away on someone who rejects you sexually. Stop having "boring morning sex".

Seems like the answer is quite obvious - end this misery and move on to dating someone who is more on par with you sexually.

 

On a side note and a disclaimer as I'm not a guy, but what I understand is that for some guys, if they get too much into self help, actual sex becomes undesirable and doesn't feel good. What I'm getting at is that this is nothing to do with you, your looks, or what you are offering in bed. This is ALL him and if he wanted to improve his sex life, he'd stop the jerking off and give himself a chance to normalize for lack of a better word. He will cry and plead, but just like any other addict, he isn't actually willing to change and his addiction is his own hand.

You didn't know him well enough at all before deciding to move in. Now you know the "real" him. It's up to you if you want a lifetime of sex his way, only when he wants it.

No I don’t want to deal with that for a lifetime because I have needs to and it’s so frustrating not being able to have sex when I feel the urge

Sorry, but I think it is time to move on.

Were you using protection?

No we weren’t using protection ,why do you ask?

Aren't you concerned about STDs? Were you trying to get pregnant? You barely knew this guy.

Maybe he can't tell you, but he does not want to get you pregnant.

Maybe he can't tell you, but he does not want to get you pregnant.

How about condoms? Plus, he gives her pleasureless sex on occasion.

ok we both got checked. don't jump to conclusions

Not true because he told me he wants children and he is family orientated

Not true because he told me he wants children and he is family orientated

How long did you know one another before trying to get pregnant? It can also take up to 3 months for AIDS to show up in the testing.

LOL wow , Ive got Tested last year and this year. No AIDS. The question wasn't about STDS or AIDS i can assure you I'm STD and AIDS free! thanks for your concern.Hopefully you're being checked for AIDS :)

The lack of sex is a symptom, not the actual problem. This is a relationship that has run it's course and he is dissociating himself. You are not happy, he isn't happy ......So why not be happy with someone else?

Keep in mind an event like this affects both people's libido. He may fear another pregnancy too soon. You know the answers. The pregnancy/miscarriage and moving in changed things. He may be the squeamish type and that manifests as slam-bam. However you need to stop allowing that and get help professionally.

Get to your doctor for an evaluation as a well as getting some supportive therapy. It seems you are trying to use sex as a way to gauge his attraction to you and your desirability. Stop having sex for a while and reflect with the help of doctors and therapist to navigate through this.

We did move in fast because I had gotten pregnant. I lost the baby after we moved in due to miscarriage.

Keep in mind an event like this affects both people's libido. He may fear another pregnancy too soon. You know the answers. The pregnancy/miscarriage and moving in changed things. He may be the squeamish type and that manifests as slam-bam. However you need to stop allowing that and get help professionally.

 

Get to your doctor for an evaluation as a well as getting some supportive therapy. It seems you are trying to use sex as a way to gauge his attraction to you and your desirability. Stop having sex for a while and reflect with the help of doctors and therapist to navigate through this.

Not sure about getting help for my self.I appreciate your feed back but, In the amount of 7 weeks i have sex 3 times. Ive gone long periods of times without having sex. I dont believe I am a sex fiend nor do i believe I'm trying to use sex to gauge his attraction to me. Is it not normal for women to want to have sex regularly?

LOL wow , Ive got Tested last year and this year. No AIDS. The question wasn't about STDS or AIDS i can assure you I'm STD and AIDS free! thanks for your concern.Hopefully you're being checked for AIDS :)

I was referring to him.

Absolutely.

You didn't say how soon you got pregnant into your dating?