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Thread: I may want out? Confused

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    I am providing support- financial and emotional.
    This is why you are on shaky ground...this is no way to build a solid foundation for a relationship that will last the long haul. I guess you realize this now. Tough crackers if she is going through a divorce. She's an adult, she should be standing on her own two feet. All you are doing is being an enabler. She will never make any effort to make it on her own....and it's not your responsibility to be a provider. You are best to get yourself out of it now, rather than have her suck your soul dry mentally and financially.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    Iíd feel guilty just bailing on her. Thatís what Iím trying to get passed
    You can end the relationship and as for the financial part of it, you can simply give her 30 days or however many are realistic to find other arrangements. At the end of the day she is an adult and was living her life before you jumped in with supporting her. In other words, you can do what you feel is fair. It's not really a black and white option of end things and feel guilty or be stuck and unhappy. There is a middle ground.

  3. #13
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    You're getting too involved in her finances. It's too much for someone you've only known this long. It's blurring the boundaries between dating and co-dependency. It sounds like neither one of you want to be in this for the long term, but she's currently got you paying her bills, which puts you on the short end of the deal. I would sever the connection as it doesn't appear to be a healthy one for either one of you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How did she survive financially before she met you?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    I think maybe sheís ďin loveĒ with me because I am providing support- financial and emotional. Not sure that she would feel the same if the divorce was long over
    Stop enabling her not to grow up. You're treating her in a father/daughter dynamic by bailing her out of her predicament. Of course you don't feel the same way about her when you have a father/daughter dynamic instead of a relationship with someone who is grown and capable of looking after herself.

    I suspect she is using you as well so you're not enjoying that loving feeling anymore.

    Exit this coupling and find someone who is responsible and is capable of being an adult.

  7. #16
    Member meat50's Avatar
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    She and her three children were living with her parents

  8. #17
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    She and her three children were living with her parents
    So she's not going to be out on the street with her kids. Plus, I imagine the kids' father is providing financial support.

    Do you like to be needed? Do you often play rescuer to women who you perceive as struggling?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    She and her three children were living with her parents
    Then why are you being a schmuck and giving money to her? You're not married and you've not even been with her for a year...
    Stop it.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by meat50
    I think maybe sheís ďin loveĒ with me because I am providing support- financial and emotional. Not sure that she would feel the same if the divorce was long over
    That is not good. Is she still allowing the inappropriate texts from her male friend?

    You need to think about yourself, you are not her caretaker or parent.

    I think you should be done with her. Also, look into codependency, as you are enabling this woman. Do you usually get involved in these types of relationships?

  11. #20
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm still trying to figure out how you consider yourself in a relationship with her, while knowing she's in the middle of a divorce. No wonder you're confused and second guessing yourself.

    As to helping her out financially, I think you're being taken for a ride.

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