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Thread: don't know why me ex is behaving like this

  1. #1

    don't know why me ex is behaving like this

    My partner recently broke up with me via a WhatsApp message, telling me that she would like to call the relationship off due to a reaction I had to something she sent me. She refused to talk to me about it. This was two days after me asking her if everything between us was alright to which she replied, "We are great, if there is anything wrong i will let you know."

    Since, she has told people she broke it off because we were fighting all that week (we werenít, it was a tough week, we both suffer depression, but we most certainly werenít fighting); and that i was hardly talking to her even though i was, even if it was awkward. So there are three reasons for the break up.

    She has been speaking to people telling them the reason she broke up via a text message was because all the signs were there, that i saw it coming. I didnít, not at all. She is also telling people that she never told me that ďWeíre great,Ē insisting that all the signs of an impending break up were there and i just didnít see them.

    Anyway, i was on the verge of asking her to give us another try, but since hearing of her denial of things that she said, iím not sure. Perhaps this speaks to her character? I donít know. What i do know is that it hurt me deeply, and now itís hurting even more to know that sheís denying things she ACTUALLY TOLD ME!! Which makes me think, what love did she really have for me? What respect? If she can lie to make me look stupid / the villain / the victim?

    I suppose i just want to hear some thoughts and advice. Thank you.

  2. #2
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    Her behaviour is certainly very strange. Sounds like she's been looking to break up with you for a while but didn't have the decency to do. She may have met someone else if she's gone cold. This would also give her the 'courage' to end it with you.

    Possibly explains all the lies she's telling to mutual friends. Indeed I would think she's likely doing this to not look bad.

    Personally I would count this as a lucky escape. Block and delete on all social media and move on. If you see her around remain civil and polite but keep it brief.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by CherryAcid
    My partner recently broke up with me via a WhatsApp message, telling me that she would like to call the relationship off due to a reaction I had to something she sent me. She refused to talk to me about it. This was two days after me asking her if everything between us was alright to which she replied, "We are great, if there is anything wrong i will let you know."
    What did she send you, and what was your reaction?

    How long were you together?

  4. #4
    she sent a friend of ours with her phone, telling the friend to show me a post about dealing with people with mental illness. what got my back up was that she sent the friend, why not show me herself, and i was annoyed at that. and it was almost six months

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  6. #5
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    I'd let this one go. Block, delete and move on.

    By the sound of it, she has different versions of the relationship depending on who she's talking to; this is not someone you're going to have open, honest communication with on any level.

    Don't concern yourself with her feelings about you. What are your feelings towards someone who has hurt you deeply, is incapable of direct communication - didn't even have the decency to break up face to face - and is now denying it all? This is not someone who is going to be good for you or your emotional health, and you owe it to yourself to steer clear of her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Have you met in person? The best thing you can do is get to a physician for an evaluation and referral to a therapist and get treatment and supportive follow up for the depression.

    You are fighting. You are fighting about fighting. You are fighting about the reasons for the breakup. Everyone has their version of the story and you are bitterly fighting hers. Keep in mind your argumentativeness could be a symptom of your under or untreated depression.

    Leave her alone she is done. You need to straighten yourself out. Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Most of all, leave her alone and focus on your health.
    Originally Posted by CherryAcid
    we both suffer depression
    a reaction I had to something she sent me.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think that your assessment of her is spot on - how she is behaving and all the lies is a major character issue or rather she is demonstrating a complete lack of character. Nothing that she is saying or doing is any kind of a reflection on you, it's all about her.

    That said, don't worry too much about what lies she is telling people. Understand that most people are pretty smart and know who you are. Meaning that they are not going to buy into her lies or think less of you because of it. Other way around really, they'll think less of her. Those who do believe her were never your friends and need to be out of your life as well.

    When couples split, friends tend to fall down old lines of loyalty - her friends will remain hers, your friends will take your side and those you met together will opt in either direction. Do be smart and avoid the kinds of people who choose to sit on the fence and stir the pot by telling you what she is doing and telling her what you are doing. Cut them out like a cancer and be very firm that you don't want to discuss her or what she is doing. In other words demonstrate very firm boundaries and self respect.

    Detach, heal, move on. Most importantly go no contact with her and any of her flying monkeys trying to gossip in your ear and stir the pot.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    In the future, create a relationship rule that all major discussions take place in person, not by text. Sounds like you two did too much of this and it's the worst way to communicate about important things. She involves friends into all of your personal business. Doesn't sound like the ideal partner, and after a full half year together, she didn't have the decency to break up in person.

    With time and distance, telling friends you no longer want to hear about her, you'll be able to mourn the relationship and move on. When you meet a woman who is a better match, you will appreciate her all the more after having gone through this. If whatever you're doing about your depression isn't working, it's time to research new avenues to get a handle on it. Take care.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    And just an extra note to the above, try not to use being in a relationship as a means to get help for your depression. Deal with the depression before getting into another relationship.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd ask everyone who knows her to NOT discuss her with me--at all. What she says to others is basically irrelevant. Nobody who matters to you is going to view you any differently, and anyone who would doesn't matter.

    She broke up the relationship, and that's all you really need to know. The rest doesn't reflect on you to any real degree. Most people don't care a fraction of what you believe they might, and they won't recall the details beyond whatever degree YOU keep those alive. So let this go poof, and make it your goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your residence and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for yourself.

    Head high.


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