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Thread: Am I Wrong and Selfish?

  1. #11
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'd certainly think less of him if he turned his back on his own mother, especially when she needs him the most. Either way if he chooses to not return that would be on him, not his mother.

    The cards are in his hands...

  2. #12
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    I think you have to support him in his decision because if you don't you might as well end things either because you can't accept this level of commitment to his mother at this time or because he will see that you are not a true partner. I might feel differently if you had a young child to parent during this time. Might. He can quarrantine himself when he returns if he was exposed to anything. I'm sorry you and your future mother in law don't get along -is there a wedding date?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I’m scared he wouldn’t come back,
    What is wrong with your relationship that him not returning would even be on your radar? If you are afraid that he won't come back then clearly you are with the wrong person whom you don't trust. After all the time you have been in this relationship, fearing he won't come back to you should be the very last thing you worry about.

    Let him go to help out his mother while she recovers and don't make him feel guilty for going... nagging him with your insecurities is a sure way to make him NOT want to come back.

    Does he not have a job? Going for 7 weeks? What company would allow that? Can he work from home and so leaving wouldn't be a problem?

    Why does she hate you so? Are you Indian and she didn't approve of you to begin with but he went ahead with the relationship anyway?

  4. #14
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    I think this is a time where you need to be understanding and supportive and just take it one day at a time. There are possible scenarios and outcomes at play and you just have to sit tight and see what they might be as they develop, all the while being supportive to your boyfriend in this time of need for him. You can navigate the situation as it unfolds.

    Just don't lose sight of the fact that your bf needs your support right now, first and foremost. If it gets to a point in the future where your fmil does seem to overstepping boundaries, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But don't assume anything for now. Just be there for your bf and don't ruminate on it too much. It's just one of those things that happens in life that we have to deal with.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    How you feel about you MIL at this time isn't what is important. It's how you feel about your fiance. and his feelings that count. Don't put him in a position to choose and be the better person and support him.

    You can continue to feel anyway about her all you like, but don't put him in the middle and make him pay the price.

    Just because she behaves badly doesn't mean you need to follow suit.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say you're selfish for feeling how you feel, but I wouldn't attempt to influence my partner at such a delicate time. THAT would be selfish. He's a grown man who's entitled to make his own choices, so making that harder on him makes no sense. He's going to do as he wishes anyway, so why harm your relationship by imposing negativity on him for that?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Yes you are being selfish, he's a grown man he can do whatever he wants for his family. If you have no confidence in your relationship, then there is zero relationship.

    Tip: never marry into a family where the parents hate you and treat you with such disrespect. Do you want your kids around that woman? You will have no choice to be with her during the holidays, birthday parties etc. That hate and resentment will follow you through the whole marriage and be a source of your arguments with your future husband.

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Yes you are being selfish, he's a grown man he can do whatever he wants for his family. If you have no confidence in your relationship, then there is zero relationship.

    Tip: never marry into a family where the parents hate you and treat you with such disrespect. Do you want your kids around that woman? You will have no choice to be with her during the holidays, birthday parties etc. That hate and resentment will follow you through the whole marriage and be a source of your arguments with your future husband.
    Bingo, my in-laws hated me on sight, but it was nothing personal they would’ve hated any woman. I have had 30 years of their BS.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Op: Are you going to return to your thread?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Op: Are you going to return to your thread?
    I think she's long gone. A hit and run OP!

  12. 03-12-2020, 12:29 AM

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