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Thread: Seperating from wife

  1. #1
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    Seperating from wife

    So, Iím in the phase where Iím still with my partner (never officially married). We have 2 kids and a life together.
    Weíve not got on overly well for years and it has gradually gotten worse where each time we argue is her saying sheís had enough.
    In recent years, last couple (of about 10) Iíve discovered she has messed around the whole time, breaks my heart. Loving my kids Iíve made my best efforts to keep it all together but I am done.
    Any thoughts are welcomed. I am still on and off the whole splitting thing. But after the problems weíve had, plus not getting on it has to be time to split.

  2. #2
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    My thoughts are that you should put the best interests of your children first and since you are not married and she is not your wife consult with an attorney to make sure that you have everything in order because it may be different for non-married couples (not sure if you have common law marriage)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You've both been arguing/failing in the marriage for the last 10 years, she's cheated and neither of you are happy. So, what is it that has kept you together all of these years because it's quite clear that you no longer love one another. Please don't say you "love her but you're not in love with her."

    "Put the best interests of your children first?" What do you think that means regarding your pending separation, Salty?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is there someone else you are talking to/noticing lately? Contact an attorney regarding severing any assets as well as what child support and visitation could entail. That may help you make some decisions.
    Originally Posted by saltycrispy
    never officially married. We have 2 kids . I am still on and off the whole splitting thing.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I used to mock people who said they were ďstaying together for the kidsĒ until I became one. I stayed in an ugly marriage for YEARS past the expiration date. I was so scared of starting over that I just got comfortable with ďthe devil I knew.Ē

    In my experience my kids were WAY happier once the turmoil of breaking up with their mother was settled and we could act together as co-parents. Living amongst our bickerering, our examples of infidelity & insecurity and our outright screaming fights was NOT in their best interest.

    Tough situation mate, but I wish you peace and strength along your path.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Please do not stay in this dysfunctional relationship for the kids. It's really against their best interests and will affect them badly for life. They are literally watching mom cheat and dad roll over and no consequences - that's the relationship dynamic being demonstrated to them and what they will think of as "normal". Not to mention all the toxic tension in the house from all the bickering and fighting.

    Please consult with an attorney, learn your rights and part ways. Demonstrate better for your children while you still can.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'm not a believer in staying in any kind of lousy relationship, much less with a cheater. It doesn't do the kids any favors.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    You will be way more happier single and alone focusing on the children than staying with her.

    I agree you need to get some good legal advice about your parental rights BEFORE you do anything else. After that make sure there is not some sort of line drawn on the sand where you live like 10 years together means you owe her alimony regardless if you are legally married or not.

    It may seem scary and a hard thing to do but what are your choices? Stay with a cheater you are not in love with or set yourself free? I chose freedom and honesty and I bet your kids will be way happier knowing dad is not beaten down, lied to and taken for granted any longer.

    Teach your children to stand up for their lives and make the hard choices to have a happy life. Teach by example...

    Lost

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    Thanks for all the posts, really appreciate it.
    Thereís been some dark times for me, Iíve hit the bottle pretty hard intermittently, it numbs the pain.
    Itís funny, to most we would seem like the perfect couple. Wealthy, good jobs, healthy kids etc. Thereís so much more to it. It was really traumatic reading all of the messages, emails, when I was completely oblivious to it, thought there was no way in the world. I could barely sleep for a week. It really can turn your world upside down. I am ok years on, but, not the same person I was prior. She wants an open relationship also, Iím not at all interested.
    Weíre seeing a councillor soon, I think more so to confirm itís not irrational to split, given itís such a big decision, at least from my perspective. Iíll be very thorough with asset splits, but think weíll be able to do it amicably which is good.
    The kids have no idea, we get on ok in front of them, still far from perfect though.
    Iím excited to split, Iíve let go and feel empty inside. I feel once we split I will be happy.
    Anyways, Iíd like to share more but itís nice being anonymous. Cheers and best luck through what appears to be tough times coming globally. Iíll check in here from time to time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Please Salty, don't resort to drinking. I know it feels like it helps, but it will only bring you into the darkness more and more.
    Your children need you right now.

    Get yourself into see a personal counsellor or therapist asap. Reach out for help.

    Keep in mind that many of us have been where you are and have survived. You are not alone. You can get through this and come out the other side.
    Message on here as much as you feel the need to. There are many who understand and have been in your shoes at one time.

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