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Thread: Seperating from wife

  1. #21
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Lost was dropping some truth bombs! Dang.

    Salty, youíre articulate and self-aware. You seem like a secure, intelligent man. For what itís worth I hope you join this ENA community to receive and give support.

    Youíve got some big choices in front of you, in the midst of pandemic. Itís gonna get painful at times no matter what choices you make but I wish you strength and an undercurrent of faith and peace as this whole thing unfolds.

    Chest wishes!

  2. #22
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Or *BEST* wishes, lol

    ::facepalm::

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ... lol ...

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Very good point, Wiseman.

    Be careful, Salty. She can use your drinking against you to stop you from seeing your children.
    Agree but he has the fact of her affairs against her if she gets vindictive.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Salty,

    If you are on the same page then the term you both should be using is breakup, not separate. I see a lot of people dance around the words because once you say them out loud they become very real. Say the words it will be okay.

    There is a lot you can do to prepare to breakup and live separately right now. It is surprising how entwined our lives become and it take some effort to get them cut apart. Here are a few things you two should discuss when the kids are in bed asleep.

    - Custody arrangements. Just a general talk on work schedules, weekends, holidays and summer vacations. This will get the ball rolling on figuring this stuff out.
    - Do you have the same phone carrier?
    - Credit cards in both your names?
    - Gym memberships together?
    - Share a car?
    - Bought furniture together?
    - Health insurance for the kids

    As you can see there are a few things you can al least start talking about now so you can be ahead of the game when the time comes. It will reduce the stress level and the amount of changes will be spread out over a longer peroid.

    Keep posting

    Lost

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    Salty,

    If you are on the same page then the term you both should be using is breakup, not separate. I see a lot of people dance around the words because once you say them out loud they become very real. Say the words it will be okay.

    There is a lot you can do to prepare to breakup and live separately right now. It is surprising how entwined our lives become and it take some effort to get them cut apart. Here are a few things you two should discuss when the kids are in bed asleep.

    - Custody arrangements. Just a general talk on work schedules, weekends, holidays and summer vacations. This will get the ball rolling on figuring this stuff out.
    - Do you have the same phone carrier?
    - Credit cards in both your names?
    - Gym memberships together?
    - Share a car?
    - Bought furniture together?
    - Health insurance for the kids

    As you can see there are a few things you can al least start talking about now so you can be ahead of the game when the time comes. It will reduce the stress level and the amount of changes will be spread out over a longer peroid.

    Keep posting

    Lost
    Hey Lost,

    Thanks mate, Iím pretty well across the majority. Havenít thought too much about custody, planning on 50/50, she hates being a parent so much Iíll be surprised if I get less. I could do 100% or 50%, or less if sheís that way inclined, my life is flexible.
    Unfortunately our eldest has cottoned on apparently, was hysterical about it tonight whilst I was downstairs. Makes me angry that we have put our kids in this position, as I feel she is to blame. No doubt my future ex dramatised everything making our eldest more hysterical.
    Got an appt with a lawyer booked, and looking for a place. Really times, feel sad about the impact on the kids but I think she is an and thereís not too much I can do to change things. Everything happens for a reason, so, que sera, sera. If covid19 infected and killed me itíd make things a whole lot simpler! There comes a point where life just seems too difficult. Iíve (weíve)messed it up so badly for myself and the ones I am supposed to care about. No intentions of doing myself in, just explaining how ty things are. On a positive note, I suspect weíll be able to pickup property at a significant discount in 6 or so months. Iíll rent with a 6 month lease.
    Anyway, Iíll keep on keeping on. And wish everyone well in these apocalyptic like times.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Salty,

    It is time for both of you to sit down with the children and have the talk. Don't let it dribble out, just get it out there so everyone can begin to digest it and come to terms with the reality.

    Google "how to tell your kids you are getting a divorce" There will be lots of good advice so read through it and pick out how you want to have the talk. Talk to your soon to be ex and how you would like it to go so you both are on the same page.

    It isn't easy I know from personal experience but it has to be done.

    Do your homework on being a single dad and learn most importantly what NOT to do. In time I think you will see that the children will gravitate towards you more and it is extremely important that they have at least one parent that is all in for them.

    Keep posting, it helps

    Lost

  9. #28
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I told my kids (with their dad present) "Dad and I have decided that instead of being married, we're going to be friends." My ex kind of messed it up a bit because he started crying in front of them, but he's always been the more emotional one (despite him claiming that all women are overly emotional and panicky).

    I agree, sit with your wife and decide on a script. It's very important for the kids to understand this is not something they did and that the two of you love them and will do everything you've always done to care for them.

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