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Thread: Too selfloathing to enter a relationship

  1. #1

    Too selfloathing to enter a relationship

    Hi everyone, Iím new to this site and could really use some advice. Hopefully youíre all doing well.

    My self-esteem is, just like with all teens (Iím 17), oscillating a lot: at one point I feel like Iím at the top of the world and at another point I feel so worthless that I wish to disappear. Iím working on this, by confronting certain behaviors of mine and learning to recognize certain patterns (though itís not less difficult to deal with this).

    The problem which Iím having has to do with dating and love in general. Disclaimer: It could be that Iím just overthinking everything. I find it very difficult to actually fall in love with a person and even like them in a non friendly way. It has a bit to do with high standards regarding conversation, but thatís really not all. When someone expresses interest in me, theyíre subconsciously less worth to me. I think it has to do with my low confidence: I hate myself, so anyone that likes me is just as bad as I am for ever liking such a worthless person. (So itís not me playing hard to get!) Another reason may be the fact that I canít project my ideals onto them, when I get to know them. (Iím aware that projecting is not good thing!)

    In short: The problem is that I canít ever enter a romantic relationship, because as soon as that person likes me, Iíll subconsciously deem them of less worth for even considering me.

    I really hate this, especially as I know this isnít true and very unfair to the amazing people I know, but itís very hard to shake off that crippling (self)doubt.

    Anyways, sorry for the long ramble and I hope someone can maybe give me some advice on how to cope with this extremely low self-worth.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some of this is routine adolescent angst, some are red flags. Talk to trusted adults. Ask your parents to take you to a doctor for an evaluation and a therapist for ongoing support. Stop labeling yourself with social media memes and using Dr Google to (mis)-diagnoses yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Being this self-absorbed will improve when you think of others and have more team spirit. Make friends. Get involved in groups clubs sports and focus on grades, college and your future.


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