Too selfloathing to enter a relationship

Hi everyone, I’m new to this site and could really use some advice. Hopefully you’re all doing well.

My self-esteem is, just like with all teens (I’m 17), oscillating a lot: at one point I feel like I’m at the top of the world and at another point I feel so worthless that I wish to disappear. I’m working on this, by confronting certain behaviors of mine and learning to recognize certain patterns (though it’s not less difficult to deal with this).

The problem which I’m having has to do with dating and love in general. Disclaimer: It could be that I’m just overthinking everything. I find it very difficult to actually fall in love with a person and even like them in a non friendly way. It has a bit to do with high standards regarding conversation, but that’s really not all. When someone expresses interest in me, they’re subconsciously less worth to me. I think it has to do with my low confidence: I hate myself, so anyone that likes me is just as bad as I am for ever liking such a worthless person. (So it’s not me playing hard to get!) Another reason may be the fact that I can’t project my ideals onto them, when I get to know them. (I’m aware that projecting is not good thing!)

In short: The problem is that I can’t ever enter a romantic relationship, because as soon as that person likes me, I’ll subconsciously deem them of less worth for even considering me.

I really hate this, especially as I know this isn’t true and very unfair to the amazing people I know, but it’s very hard to shake off that crippling (self)doubt.

Anyways, sorry for the long ramble and I hope someone can maybe give me some advice on how to cope with this extremely low self-worth.

Some of this is routine adolescent angst, some are red flags. Talk to trusted adults. Ask your parents to take you to a doctor for an evaluation and a therapist for ongoing support. Stop labeling yourself with social media memes and using Dr Google to (mis)-diagnoses yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Being this self-absorbed will improve when you think of others and have more team spirit. Make friends. Get involved in groups clubs sports and focus on grades, college and your future.