Does he think there is something there?

I am very close with one of my guy friends, and we hang out all the time and talk every day. Normally we hang out at his house, but his roommate is working a group project and so he's been coming over to my house to get out of the way. Ever since he started coming over he's been getting increasingly odd. He suddenly won't eat or drink anything I have, when normally he is begging me for food (it's not that he thinks I'm gross he comes over for group hang outs frequently). Then he made some weird comments about not dating his friends. Most recently he was stopping for food on his way and I asked him to pick me up something and he told me that was something boyfriends do and showed up without what I asked him to get (when he has gotten me coffee many times before).

Plus when he's over he is super moody and I'm just like pick out whatever you want to watch and stay on your side of the room so I can work over here and not absorb your bad vibes. He's started making anything I say into an argument and honestly we barely have even talked the past two weeks. I'm not sure what has prompted this. And I also feel if he thought I was somehow trying to make a move I would maybe put on makeup and not be wearing old comfy sweats. I honestly wouldn't even think he was thinking there was something there if he wasn't making weird comments about it.

He's trying to create better boundaries. He's right. Stop trying to turn him into a bf or you'll lose the friendship. You are crowding him way too much. You need other friends to send time with and more importantly you need to start dating rather than treating male friends as surrogate bfs. Stop depending on him to this extreme.

he made some weird comments about not dating his friends. Most recently he was stopping for food on his way and I asked him to pick me up something and he told me that was something boyfriends do and showed up without what I asked him to get

I'm not sure how, when he tells me he will be over after he stops to get some food, and I say hey get me a burger and I'll pay you back when you get here is treating him like a surrogate boyfriend. I never stop for something on the way to someones house without asking them if they want something, because I was always taught it was rude. He also tells me I am like a sister so I have never blurrred the lines as far as I know and he knows when I am dating/talking to other guys. And us just sitting there watching a movie when he has asked me if he can come over, then just randomly blurting out he doesn't date his friends is strange. I'm also not sure why you think I don't hang out with other people, just because we spend a lot of time together doesn't mean I don't have other people in my life or that I don't date. Like I said if he wasn't bringing up the subject I wouldn't think anything of it, because I didn't think we have that vibe to our friendship.

am very close with one of my guy friends, and we hang out all the time and talk every day. Super close male/female friendships are common when young, but usually have an expiration date. Usually, when one gets into a serious romance, that friendship gets put on the backburner, or might totally end, since the dynamic is different with male/female friendships. The new partner might not be comfortable with it, and the person might choose the partner over the friend. Or because one's time is prioritized to the new relationship, etc. Just realize it wasn't meant to be a lifetime friendship, anyway.

 

Taking out the guess-work on his psychology, the fact is that he regularly picks arguments with you and is moody. Sounds like it's time to distance yourself from him, because why do you want to subject yourself to that? Tell him he can't come over because you're on your way out. If he's over and starts an argument, tell him he needs to leave because you now have a headache and need quiet. Or just plain tell him that the friendship is now more stressful than enjoyable and that you think it's best you two don't hang out anymore.

 

Either distancing yourself or ending the friendship is being proactive to get yourself out of a toxic situation. If you allow this treatment, you're a doormat and lack self-love. You teach people how to treat you. I wouldn't bother trying to figure out the psychology of someone who makes me feel bad. I'd just make a quick exit.

Before letting him visit again, I'd tell him, "Lately it seems as though you're going through a tough time, and it's coming out sideways on me. If there's anything you want to talk about, we can do that. Otherwise, I'd rather you take some time to decide whether our friendship is any good for you, or not. If you decide that we're good and you'd like to treat me with the same respect and kindness we started with, you can let me know, and we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, you can find people and places that make you happier, and I wish you the best."

 

Boom, done. Friendships are two way streets. I won't tap-dance 'around' mistreatment and hope it goes away--I'll put a stop to it. If there's anything there worth saving, I've left a door open for meeting me half way. If someone isn't willing to do that, they can take themselves somewhere else.

 

Head high, and read my sig.

Why would he say this? What did he mean by this?:

I asked him to pick me up something and he told me that was something boyfriends do

Is this the same guy?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547436&p=6961425&viewfull=1#post6961425

He also tells me I am like a sister so I have never blurrred the lines as far as I know and he knows when I am dating/talking to other guys.

Is this the same guy?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547436&p=6961425&viewfull=1#post6961425

 

Nope not the same guy that guy moved away not long after. This guy and I met through mutual friends about two years ago.

And I have no idea why he would say that or what he meant. He just said he was gonna stop and get a burger. I sent him a message to pick me up one too and I would pay him back when he got to my house. He then walked in with no food and when I asked why (since he has never not picked me up anything before, we both like fast food and coffee) he said that is something a boyfriend would do and he isn't my boyfriend. I was told him I wasn't aware friends can't be nice, he just got all uptight and it wasn't worth talking for a while. Honestly he's been a fun guy to hang out with for the past like two years we have been friends. Especially since as far as I know we were platonic, since he tells me I'm like a sister and I refer to our friendship as having a brother/sister vibe.

I think it's weird that he didn't get you a burger -I would have asked if you wanted one, if I were he.

Exactly. Normally he does ask me and I always just pay him back or vice versa. The other things were strange, but I was shrugging off. The fact that he yelled that statement at me out of nowhere, gave me pause.

since he tells me I'm like a sister and I refer to our friendship as having a brother/sister vibe.

How far into hanging out did he declare that you were like his sister and you first referred to your friendship as being a brother/sister? Has this been established since the start of your hanging out or did it come later after one of you started to show in actions that you may want more than platonic?

 

Him saying "that is something a boyfriend would do" to me, sounds like he is making sure that his boundaries are made clear and that they shouldn't be crossed. He may not be saying it to warn you, but could be to warn himself. Just a guess of course... but there is mine.

I mean when we first began hanging out I suppose there could have been an attraction there, but he was hanging around with some bad influences that made him into a person I did not want to associate w and we actually didn't talk for almost 6 months. When we started being friends again (after he dropped the bad influences and got his life back together) he began to tell me I was like a sister to him. I told him that was good because I felt the same way.

One of my friends mentioned the same you did that it may have been more for his own benefit. And since last night he has been very pushy about having other people around when we hang out. While I'm sitting there like if I wanted to make a move, I'm not gonna look like a combo of just left the gym/rolled out of bed when he is over.

Your attraction and his thinking of you 'as a sister' is causing a mismatch. He is pushing you away and warning you that he doesn't want to do "bf things" for you. Stop hanging out this much and find your own bf who will bring you as much food as you want.

I suppose there could have been an attraction there

he began to tell me I was like a sister to him.

It looks as though he's concerned that you're thinking the relationship is more than it is, and pushing you away. It doesn't sound as though you think of it as anything more than a friendship, but he's pushing you away nevertheless.

 

Assuming you don't want anything more than that, view him as a moody *** who comes round to your place frequently. Is this a situation you're happy with? Whatever his motivations, it doesn't sound as though he's very nice to be around.

 

How you handle this depends on how you feel about the friendship between you. If you value it enough to want to save it, you need to clear the air and be completely honest with him; Catfeeder's advice is excellent. It's then up to him to decide how to deal with it.

 

If you're getting fed up with the moodiness and atmospheres, just be less and less available to him. He may want to come round, but you're not obliged to provide space for him to do his own thing, and if this is getting more and more unpleasant for you, then shut it down.