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Thread: I got rejected by my male coworker

  1. #1

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    I got rejected by my male coworker

    So I started a new job for a really good company and from the moment I started I had an interest in a guy who worked in the department I was in. I didnít really make a move but Iíve never had issues with guys not liking me so one day after 3 months of working there I started to email-instant chat him. He was flirty and so was I but at some points it seems like he would back off and remain professional. Heís on a management level position and Iím a bit younger and at entry level. So we are chatting over email and find out we have a lot on common. Heís artsy and like music like I do. So weíd chat I showed him my art work and when I felt the time was right today I asked him if it would be okay if I gave him my number. He seemed sincere and said something along the lines of : ď I really would like that but I canít because I have to keep it professionalĒ he seemed bummed but I donít know if itís because he was trying to make me feel better or what: Iím so utterly confused. He was clearly flirting and seemed so interested in me and complimented my looks and my personality. Iím honestly kind a hurt. Iíve also heard he used to talk with a girl who no longer works there but not sure why she doesnít work there. I played it off cool like I understood but deep down itís bothering me so bad. Itís now the weekend and I have to see him Monday. Iím mortified, I feel like I crossed a line and now itís going to be awkward. I feel as if maybe heís just a flirty type of person and I read into it wrong so he used the professional thing as an excuse. I mean heís not my manager but had a manager position so I donít understand why outside of work we couldnít see each other. Iím so afraid itís gonna be awkward and do not want to see him Monday but I will have too... any advice on what to do and to get me to stop feeling so ty about myself.... Iíve never been rejected and honestly this one hurt because I felt like he was the perfect type of guy... I never date guys like him....

  2. #2
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    This guy was trying to keep things light and friendly, whilst remaining professional.

    Put it behind you, have selective amnesia next time you see him, and keep things professional yourself. It would not have been appropriate for him to have taken things further; this isn't about you, it's about him doing his job and not taking advantage of younger women at entry level whilst he is a manager.

    In future, remember that work is where you work. It's not a singles bar. It's your self esteem which has been hurt, but you'll get over it quickly. If it had gone any further you could have lost a lot more!

  3. #3

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    Youíre completely right. I didnít go in thinking I would ever make a move on anyone there but things just happened and I felt I would put it out there since he was being quite flirty.. I will continue to remain my professional self but I do feel lead on a bit. But I understand he had to think of his job first. I mean I should not have crossed the line for asking for his number or even thought anything would have come from flirting. Thanks for that!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How is your life outside of work? Do you belong to groups, clubs, volunteer, take classes and courses? Do you have friends and family you socialize with? Are you on dating apps or trying to meet appropriate men? What compelled you to chase a superior at work?

    The work place is not a single bar or dating site. He was wise to set you straight. No one needs a sexual harassment charge. He is not interested for many reasons. You work together, you came on to him after just starting (bad judgement) and he may be involved with someone . Whatever the case, stop chasing men around at work and be professional.
    Originally Posted by Devs
    Heís on a management level position and Iím a bit younger and at entry level. I ď I really would like that but I canít because I have to keep it professionalĒ

    I donít understand why outside of work we couldnít see each other. I felt like he was the perfect type of guy.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Work is work, it's not a pick up bar. You're going to look completely unprofessional if you continue trying to find a boyfriend when you're meant to be working.

    Also, now that you've behaved this way with this guy, he could decide that you're not reliable enough or professional enough to take seriously if he does one day become your superior and makes decisions on your future there.

    Step carefully.

    Be professional with your co workers, don't cross lines, find a boyfriend who has nothing to do with the company.
    Don't make decisions based on if others are dating at work, etc. They can mess up their own futures.

    Business and pleasure do not mix.

  6. #6
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    Rejection hurts but I promise you that it will pass. He seems like a decent guy- choosing to not take advantage of you or use you - or by putting his career in jeopardy or yours either. I applaud the way that he handled the situation. People who date or have sex with their coworkers- these situations almost never end well. I agree with what everyone on this post has said. I've had to resign from a few jobs because once I ended things with the guy, he would be resentful and slander me to everyone at that workplace. And there were plenty of women at those jobs who had reputations for being loose and sleeping around on the job. The guys would place bets on who could bang her first, and then she would be "passed around" to everyone there.
    So take it from me- if you want to plant your feet on a job and stay there for years to come- then remain professional and keep your love life private. Things will be awkward for a few days, but life goes on. Shake it off, you will be just fine.

  7. #7
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    Don't go after older men at work. Period. especially managers or people above you. Don't go after young men either. If you worked at an ice cream stand and you were a 19 and everyone else was 17-22, okay then. But not in a professional job. you are there to work, not find a husband. Nose to the grindstone and meet men closer to your age outside of work.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Well coming from personal experience, keep it strictly professional.
    all these rejections, affairs, breakups with coworkers messes up with your health and growth besides company policies putting things into lot of trouble.
    Be wise and stay away from all such things always concentrate on job when at office.

  9. #9
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    I think it's great to meet people at work if the person doesn't supervise you or work directly with you. I met my husband originally at work. We chatted at a few company events. He worked in a different department and on a different floor. He asked me to have lunch with him down the block from the office so I did. After that he asked me on a date. We kept things discreet although people did find out (which was ok -we didn't work together, we didn't hang out while at work except for a few harmless calls and emails -we each had private offices). The management was fine with it because of these conditions. I left the company about 7 months after we started dating (completely unrelated to our relationship) so it was short lived, dating someone at work. Your situation is not a good situation for dating and flirting with a boss/offering your number is not professional or appropriate. It's ok though -sounds like it didnt get too far. It will be all right.

  10. #10
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    I'm not trying to be rude but it kind of sounds like you're a bit too self-assured and a bit...I'm not sure how to say it..cocky? Because you said: "I never had a problem before with guys not liking me" and you started hitting on that guy and just assumed that he would be interested. Not every person can be interested in you because interest is not even always about your looks. It can be about connection as well. This guy probably didn't want any trouble at work and he wanted to be professional. But above that maybe he wasn't really that interested either. Even if you normally have a good track record with guys, it's not guaranteed that you can get EVERY guy.

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