I got rejected by my male coworker

So I started a new job for a really good company and from the moment I started I had an interest in a guy who worked in the department I was in. I didn’t really make a move but I’ve never had issues with guys not liking me so one day after 3 months of working there I started to email-instant chat him. He was flirty and so was I but at some points it seems like he would back off and remain professional. He’s on a management level position and I’m a bit younger and at entry level. So we are chatting over email and find out we have a lot on common. He’s artsy and like music like I do. So we’d chat I showed him my art work and when I felt the time was right today I asked him if it would be okay if I gave him my number. He seemed sincere and said something along the lines of : “ I really would like that but I can’t because I have to keep it professional” he seemed bummed but I don’t know if it’s because he was trying to make me feel better or what: I’m so utterly confused. He was clearly flirting and seemed so interested in me and complimented my looks and my personality. I’m honestly kind a hurt. I’ve also heard he used to talk with a girl who no longer works there but not sure why she doesn’t work there. I played it off cool like I understood but deep down it’s bothering me so bad. It’s now the weekend and I have to see him Monday. I’m mortified, I feel like I crossed a line and now it’s going to be awkward. I feel as if maybe he’s just a flirty type of person and I read into it wrong so he used the professional thing as an excuse. I mean he’s not my manager but had a manager position so I don’t understand why outside of work we couldn’t see each other. I’m so afraid it’s gonna be awkward and do not want to see him Monday but I will have too... any advice on what to do and to get me to stop feeling so ty about myself.... I’ve never been rejected and honestly this one hurt because I felt like he was the perfect type of guy... I never date guys like him....

This guy was trying to keep things light and friendly, whilst remaining professional.

Put it behind you, have selective amnesia next time you see him, and keep things professional yourself. It would not have been appropriate for him to have taken things further; this isn't about you, it's about him doing his job and not taking advantage of younger women at entry level whilst he is a manager.

In future, remember that work is where you work. It's not a singles bar. It's your self esteem which has been hurt, but you'll get over it quickly. If it had gone any further you could have lost a lot more!

You’re completely right. I didn’t go in thinking I would ever make a move on anyone there but things just happened and I felt I would put it out there since he was being quite flirty.. I will continue to remain my professional self but I do feel lead on a bit. But I understand he had to think of his job first. I mean I should not have crossed the line for asking for his number or even thought anything would have come from flirting. Thanks for that!

How is your life outside of work? Do you belong to groups, clubs, volunteer, take classes and courses? Do you have friends and family you socialize with? Are you on dating apps or trying to meet appropriate men? What compelled you to chase a superior at work?

The work place is not a single bar or dating site. He was wise to set you straight. No one needs a sexual harassment charge. He is not interested for many reasons. You work together, you came on to him after just starting (bad judgement) and he may be involved with someone . Whatever the case, stop chasing men around at work and be professional.

He’s on a management level position and I’m a bit younger and at entry level. I “ I really would like that but I can’t because I have to keep it professional”

 

I don’t understand why outside of work we couldn’t see each other. I felt like he was the perfect type of guy.

Work is work, it's not a pick up bar. You're going to look completely unprofessional if you continue trying to find a boyfriend when you're meant to be working.

Also, now that you've behaved this way with this guy, he could decide that you're not reliable enough or professional enough to take seriously if he does one day become your superior and makes decisions on your future there.

Step carefully.

Be professional with your co workers, don't cross lines, find a boyfriend who has nothing to do with the company.

Don't make decisions based on if others are dating at work, etc. They can mess up their own futures.

Business and pleasure do not mix.

Rejection hurts but I promise you that it will pass. He seems like a decent guy- choosing to not take advantage of you or use you - or by putting his career in jeopardy or yours either. I applaud the way that he handled the situation. People who date or have sex with their coworkers- these situations almost never end well. I agree with what everyone on this post has said. I've had to resign from a few jobs because once I ended things with the guy, he would be resentful and slander me to everyone at that workplace. And there were plenty of women at those jobs who had reputations for being loose and sleeping around on the job. The guys would place bets on who could bang her first, and then she would be "passed around" to everyone there.

So take it from me- if you want to plant your feet on a job and stay there for years to come- then remain professional and keep your love life private. Things will be awkward for a few days, but life goes on. Shake it off, you will be just fine.

Don't go after older men at work. Period. especially managers or people above you. Don't go after young men either. If you worked at an ice cream stand and you were a 19 and everyone else was 17-22, okay then. But not in a professional job. you are there to work, not find a husband. Nose to the grindstone and meet men closer to your age outside of work.

Well coming from personal experience, keep it strictly professional.

all these rejections, affairs, breakups with coworkers messes up with your health and growth besides company policies putting things into lot of trouble.

Be wise and stay away from all such things always concentrate on job when at office.

I think it's great to meet people at work if the person doesn't supervise you or work directly with you. I met my husband originally at work. We chatted at a few company events. He worked in a different department and on a different floor. He asked me to have lunch with him down the block from the office so I did. After that he asked me on a date. We kept things discreet although people did find out (which was ok -we didn't work together, we didn't hang out while at work except for a few harmless calls and emails -we each had private offices). The management was fine with it because of these conditions. I left the company about 7 months after we started dating (completely unrelated to our relationship) so it was short lived, dating someone at work. Your situation is not a good situation for dating and flirting with a boss/offering your number is not professional or appropriate. It's ok though -sounds like it didnt get too far. It will be all right.

I'm not trying to be rude but it kind of sounds like you're a bit too self-assured and a bit...I'm not sure how to say it..cocky? Because you said: "I never had a problem before with guys not liking me" and you started hitting on that guy and just assumed that he would be interested. Not every person can be interested in you because interest is not even always about your looks. It can be about connection as well. This guy probably didn't want any trouble at work and he wanted to be professional. But above that maybe he wasn't really that interested either. Even if you normally have a good track record with guys, it's not guaranteed that you can get EVERY guy.

I agree with Tinydance.

It’s your self esteem that got a blow. You’re not terminally ill because of this. Hurt feelings will pass.

Keep your job professional. Do not hit on managers or bosses! Maybe he saved you from getting a bad reputation at work. Maybe he saved your job, that you do not need to quit because or rumours and bull co-workers might mess with.

Keep your work strictly professional. When you get to know your co-workers, go out on AW and do stuff after work. But do not have dating in mind. Most people want to have private life and work as far apart as possible!

I think your manager did the right thing.

I also think you need to rethink your perfect ”guy-magnet”. Girls (or guys) that think noone can resist them...I run like crazy to the oposite direction. I think people who have unrealistic high self esteem are a bit scary.

I’m mortified, I feel like I crossed a line and now it’s going to be awkward. I feel as if maybe he’s just a flirty type of person and I read into it wrong so he used the professional thing as an excuse. I mean he’s not my manager but had a manager position so I don’t understand why outside of work we couldn’t see each other. I’m so afraid it’s gonna be awkward and do not want to see him Monday but I will have too... any advice on what to do and to get me to stop feeling so ty about myself.

I think you're ok. From his reaction, it sounds like he's willing to put the whole thing behind you, which means you just have to do the same. Nothing to be ashamed of unless you remain stuck in the past. So, one foot in front of the other for a few days and the situation will resolve itself.

I understand how much that hurts. But you never know what he is going through in his head. Maybe rn isn't the right time for him, he could have gone through a breakup, he may have other issues, he may just want to keep it professional because it may not be appropriate in his head. It might even be the age gap. You never know, try not to take it personal because it might not be the right timing for him but he might still be interested in you. When you got to work just be try to be normal again. That's a lot better than it being awkward (worst feeling ever). Just be coo with him and hopefully he'll be coo with you. But for now, maybe distract yourself. You can smoke some weed or go on tinder or do whatever is fun for you. :)

I loved that feeling when you find a cute guy at work who you really seem to get along with. This same situation happened to me before and it felt great and all, the guy would even get close to me at times and we would give each other “the look” ya know. But we were never able to get things going ya know. But at the end of the day he was more dedicated to his job than to getting into a relationship with a co worker. Which in the end I think was a good idea. Relationships with co workers can get messy really fast. My best advice would just to keep being the boss you are, make your money and forget about office romances. Because that’s what he is doing, he is looking out for himself and his future. I wouldn’t take it to personally if I were you.