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Thread: Boyfriend went back to wife's house..still comes to see me. WHat do I do ?

  1. #1
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    Boyfriend went back to wife's house..still comes to see me. WHat do I do ?

    Hi Everyone. So I've posted a few times in regards to my boyfriend/unborn child's father. Him and I were together for about 8 months, he was married when he met me and moved in with me, we got pregnant pretty fast, and he had a lotttt of trust issues to the point he was putting phone recorders in my purse to record me..constantly accusing me of cheating when I wasnt..etc. He has a 16 year old daughter that he is very involved with and has been expressing his guilt for leaving her. Over the last month he has been debating whether to go back home to his wife's house or stay with me, well he ended up going back to his wife's completely. He has been back at my house to come see me, we slept together a few times. He has expressed to me that when he was with me, he was going to see his daughter everyday and he was happy seeing her and now that he is home he is there with her but his mind isn't all there because he misses me. He claims he is confused but also says he can't trust me. (I feel like that is an excuse) We still talk everyday, he still expects me to be faithful and loyal to him..however he is living in his wife's house. He claims they are not together, the other day he told her he was coming to my house, and I all of the sudden get a text from a fake number...(they knew my name) saying: Hey you told me to text you when Im ready..well im ready (and they send that with a picture of a guys ****) so im like who is this?? they were like i guess its not a good time ill text you from a new number tommorow and disconnect this one. This text came through as he was at my house so I'm assuming it was his wife because no one knows my number, and no one would text me like that. I told him about it and he confronted her and ofcourse she denied it....Mind you, they are 44 years old doing this nonesense. Anyways, I feel like we went completely backwards, we are about to have a baby in 3 months and hes living there, I'm living in the apartment we got together...he comes and visits and thats about it. It makes me sad everytime he leaves and I've been having a really hard time with all of this. It's like I feel deep down inside I should let him go, but apart of me doesn't want to....and now I have to raise a child with this man. What do you guys think of this situation? should I be outraged he went back to his house?

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    You should find good lawyer to help you arrange child support and custody.

    Then you should find a good therapist to help you understand why you don't make better choices for yourself, so that you can in turn make better decisions for you and your child. You will need the support moving forward as a single mother with a for a baby daddy.

    Because speaking bluntly? There's no way this guy is ever going to be your life partner. That's the risk you took getting involved with someone else's husband, so no, your outrage is completely misguided here.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Being the mistress never ends well. Make sure you are working and apply for child support when the child is born. Stop allowing him to come over. Is he still paying for your apt?

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    nope hes not paying for anything. he left the apt. hes back and forth telling me he misses me..saying maybe hes made a mistake. but in the same breath he will tell me his daughter needs him bla bla bla..just dont know what to believe anymore

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    The advise remains the same as the previous posts on the same subject.

    Not sure what it's going to take for you to either move on or accept the drama.

    Sitting in the middle of it complaining, changes nothing.

    Why do you allow this to continue? Why are you still a part of this triangle? Why don't you believe you deserve better?

    ^ you notice I don't address his behavior. That you have no control over.
    Acknowledge your responsibility in the mess and start from there

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    The best thing you could do for yourself and the baby is to get away from this man.

    Have you considered giving the child up for adoption?

    There are many couples with the means & ability to give this baby a great life.

    I have a dear friend, he and all his siblings (4, not biologically related) were adopted by a loving couple that decided they wanted to help children that were already here, instead of creating their own. He had/has a beautiful life with this adoptive family. He wanted for nothing material wise and received a great deal of love from his parents. He is a good man today with a successful life.

    Love is knowing you did the best you could for your child and sometimes that means giving them up... its not an easy decision but this situation is not going to go well.

    The father is an over grown child himself, wife is going to do what she wants, his current family is not going to open their arms to a child... Are you going to be able to deal with the baby being raised in their house and family? at least part time? Are you two just goung to be his side family? because he can't decide?

    Imagine the pain this will cause a child and the effect it will ultimately have on your grown child. How are you going to explain this to them? How will you justify your actions?

    Maybe the father would be open to giving up his parents rights. Then you could get the help you need and move on with your life.

    Or you could leave town to go have the baby and disappear from him. Do you have any friends or family to help you?

    I realize adoption or disapearing could be completely out of the question for you, not knowing you. But I think from a strictly practical perspective, it is an option.

    And I'd be thinking about it very seriously and making plans to get the heck away from him & that batty wife anyway I could..

    I consider myself a moral, honest person, but I'd do anything to protect my kid from this future. Myself, too.

    God bless you and the baby. Being a mistress is a risk and you did make your bed, but geesh.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    In your last thread you mentioned being "stuck" with a child as a single mother.

    If you don't want the child there are many people.who would love to adopt him or her.

    And it doesn't look at all like you'll be raising the child together. Even if you did, the poor child will be a witness to this dysfunctional mess.

    He is not going to change, but you can. I recommend you decide what you want to do regarding the child and if you want to keep it, file for custody and child support. And stay far away from this awful man who mistreats you.

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    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    So he is going between you & his wife, but he says he can't trust you?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by L1987
    nope hes not paying for anything. he left the apt. hes back and forth telling me he misses me..saying maybe hes made a mistake. but in the same breath he will tell me his daughter needs him bla bla bla..just dont know what to believe anymore
    His daughter will still have him in her life whether or not he is living with her mother. The father of your baby is a fool. You, wizen up and start to listen to your brain which is clearly telling you he's the loser that he is. Then once you've accepted that fact, get a lawyer or go to your local social services and get yourself educated on how you get child support in place. If he thinks he's confused now, wait until he has to pay to support his new daughter or son.

    Whatever it is you decide to do (keep the baby, give him/her up for adoption) I hope you realize he's not going to be a good partner to you or his wife so keep that in mind before you settle for him out of fear and keep allowing him in your life.

  11. #10
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    I hope you are not still sleeping with him. He is intimate with his wife.

    You need to end this! This is a terrible situation to be exposing your child to. You are your child's role model.

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