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Thread: Husband doesn't want to be with me anymore

  1. #1

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    Husband doesn't want to be with me anymore

    Me and my husband have been together 4 years, married for just over a year. Our relationship has never been perfect, he accuses me of lieing and cheating all the time when I have never done neither of these things. We work and live together and he gets jealous quite easier. We don't have a sex life anymore, he tells me I'm not affection towards him when I'm always the one intitated things. If I wants something I have to make the first move. We haven't had sex in months. We have rows near enough every day and everytime he we have a row ge mentions divorce and calls me all the names under the sun. He has told me he don't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me anymore. He had told me to get out of his life. I still love him and want to make this work but he said he hasn't wanted this relationship for the past 3 years so it feels like I've been dragged along with false promise and hope we were ok. What should I do as I am scared and have noone else to turn to

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Is it an arranged marriage? Why would you marry someone this abusive? Read up on abusive relationships. Get to a doctor for an evaluation and referral to a therapist . Do this privately and confidentially.

    Stop discussing things with your husband. Stop arguing simply agree and walk away then leave and stay with friends family. Do not tell him you are going to therapy. Discuss the possessiveness, rejection, arguments etc with the therapist.

    If it's allowed in your culture, contact an attorney to evaluate your options in the event of a divorce. Get another job and start severing things. Enlist the help of friends and family to start the process of extricating yourself from this.
    Originally Posted by Chazza15
    Me and my husband have been together 4 years, married for just over a year.
    he accuses me of lieing and cheating all the time when I have never done neither of these things.
    We haven't had sex in months.
    We have rows near enough every day
    He mentions divorce and calls me all the names under the sun.

    He has told me he don't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me anymore.

    He had told me to get out of his life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    This sounds like a horrible situation and his leaving would be the best thing for you.

    Why do you want to hold on to this?

    Does he do this kind of thing just to make you beg him to stay? Like an ego boost?

  4. #4

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    No it's not a arrange marriage, he said in a argument he married me thinking it would help our relationship, he said it hasn't been working for the past 3 years, something I wasn't aware of as I've been trying hard at our relationship, I do everything for him but I still get called all the names under the sun. Unfortunately I don't have any friends and my family and I are not very close so dont feel like I've got anyone and he knows this

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  6. #5

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    I hold on to this marriage because I love him despite him being the way he is towards me. I just wish things weren't like this but I don't know what else I can do. Everytime I try and talk to him he tells me to go away and doesnt want me around him anymore. He has a very short temper so I try and not say to much or get in his way

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do the exact opposite. Pull way back. Stop having sex. Stop jumping through hoops. Stop cooking, cleaning, shopping. Stop everything. Stop talking at him. Stop defending yourself. Most of all stop arguing, pleading, begging and being a doormat. Get a therapist and a lawyer and inform yourself about abuse. Get out asap. Read up on Stockholm Syndrome. You seem brainwashed. Go back home to your country/area to your parents.
    Originally Posted by Chazza15
    I've been trying hard at our relationship, I do everything for him but I still get called all the names under the sun.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Bullies/abusers choose women with low self esteem. Did you have friends when you started dating him, and then he began the process of isolating you? If so, that's a common practice for possessive manipulators, which he likely is because he's unjustifiably jealous.

    You've let yourself be reeled into this mess, but it doesn't mean you can't get out. Loving someone doesn't trump all the negatives. You will be able to lose that love with time and distance away from this toxic situation.

    You work, so that's a good thing. Get your finances in order. Get him off of any of your credit cards and bank accounts. Consult a lawyer. If you don't own a house together, start looking at places you can afford solo.

    Get into therapy to learn how to love yourself. Start a new hobby to spark some excitement in your life. Join Meetup.com to take part in fun activities that people are getting together for in your area. Don't date for a good year while you work on yourself, or your man-picker will continue to stay broken. One day, when you do date, keep up with your hobbies and girlfriends, so that you never make a man the sole center of your universe. That's boring to him and smothering. And if the relationship doesn't work out, you won't be as devastated when you have a fulfilling life besides him.

    Good luck and keep us updated.

  9. #8

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    I do all the cooking and cleaning and shopping because he pays the Bill's, he has told me if I stop doing any of this then I have to contribute for staying here as my name is not on the tenancy. It's his house so I don't have a say other then look for somewhere else. I did have friends but slowly over time he said they weren't good for me so I've lost contact with them. No friends or family so feel so alone. We dont have a joint account but I took a loan out to help him so I'm paying that back so money can be quite tight. But I'm just going to have to save what I can until I can afford to leave.
    At the moment I'm finding it very hard as I feel so alone with no one.

  10. #9
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    You need to understand that isolating you getting rid of your friends and taking you away from family is all part of the abuse. The fewer people you have to turn to and get feedback from, the easier it is for him to be mean and abusive to you without any repercussions. And he had debt so you took out a loan and then he threatens you over money? This is a very dangerous situation. Are you in a country with domestic abuse hotlines? You need help ASAP.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So you are not legally married? Or you live in a country where the man solely owns everything? Move out. You Need to Inform Yourself. Stop complaining, then making excuses as to how much you love him and how you have to stay. Make a decision.
    Originally Posted by Chazza15
    if I stop doing any of this then I have to contribute for staying here as my name is not on the tenancy. It's his house so I don't have a say other then look for somewhere else.

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