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Thread: I am insecure or is something going on?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm getting the feeling that you posted on here hoping we would all tell you yes, you are being insecure, that all guys are into Instagram girls and Snapchat and that it's just harmless fun for him. Giving you permission to stay in the relationship, somewhat.

    But the truth is, it DOES bother you, doesn't it? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I'm getting the feeling that you posted on here hoping we would all tell you yes, you are being insecure, that all guys are into Instagram girls and Snapchat and that it's just harmless fun for him. Giving you permission to stay in the relationship, somewhat.

    But the truth is, it DOES bother you, doesn't it?
    I didn't know if I was being unreasonable or over reacting so had to ask before I thought about bringing it up with him.

    But yeah it does really bother me, it's completely broken my trust and shattered my self worth. I've never had this issue before in a relationship, where someone is really active on social media and uses it to look at girls all day, or being secretive with their phone.

  3. #23

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Read it again,
    If the roles were reversed, I doubt you'd be secretive about your phone, especially in light of the fact your boyfriend had expressed his dislike for your need to interact with half dressed people on the internet. You might not do the very thing that would make him uncomfortable. You would be sensitive and respectful to his feelings about this.
    No I wouldn't, I'd do anything to work on the relationship and talk everything through to see how we can fix it. Maybe that's why he's hiding his phone because he doesn't want to stop looking at girls

  4. #24
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    I didn't know if I was being unreasonable or over reacting so had to ask before I thought about bringing it up with him.

    But yeah it does really bother me, it's completely broken my trust and shattered my self worth. I've never had this issue before in a relationship, where someone is really active on social media and uses it to look at girls all day, or being secretive with their phone.
    Then there you are. It doesn't matter if 1000 internet strangers tell you it's unreasonable of you, it does bother you. Your relationship should not inspire anxiety or stress. A love relationship should never include fear or mistrust.

    So, let's say you have yet another conversation and he agrees yet again to stop. Will you promise to stop monitoring his phone use and habits and honestly let it go? Could you let it go?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    but he must at least know of them as they're around the same area and we have a couple friends in common, and he follows literally hundreds and hundreds.
    This may not make you feel better, but in my time in this forum there have been countless posters with similar issues. I don't recall them getting any better. Either that or they never came back to update.

    I think there might be an addictive quality to it. The high of that easy/access/instant/attention. Throw the sexual component into it, they have a hard time putting their phone down.

    That might be why he's so determined to hide it, though not doing a very good job at it.
    I could be wrong. . but it's very similar to others experiences.

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Then there you are. It doesn't matter if 1000 internet strangers tell you it's unreasonable of you, it does bother you. Your relationship should not inspire anxiety or stress. A love relationship should never include fear or mistrust.

    So, let's say you have yet another conversation and he agrees yet again to stop. Will you promise to stop monitoring his phone use and habits and honestly let it go? Could you let it go?
    I did let it go, I didn't bring it up again but then I noticed he started taking his phone everywhere/midnight texts etc which made me think something is going on. And all ice said about it to him is "why do take your phone everywhere?" And he said I don't know then I dropped it.

    If it wasn't go the good things, I'd have said he doesn't care and left. I'm so conflicted

  8. #27

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    This may not make you feel better, but in my time in this forum there have been countless posters with similar issues. I don't recall them getting any better. Either that or they never came back to update.

    I think there might be an addictive quality to it. The high of that easy/access/instant/attention. Throw the sexual component into it, they have a hard time putting their phone down.

    That might be why he's so determined to hide it, though not doing a very good job at it.
    I could be wrong. . but it's very similar to others experiences.
    You're right about the addictive aspect of it. Although perhaps not actually cheating, he seems to love looking at all these girls several times a day. IG/Snapchat gives you constant access to attractive half naked girls you can just scroll through, and that's an issue for me if my boyfriend is interested in that.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    You're right about the addictive aspect of it. Although perhaps not actually cheating, he seems to love looking at all these girls several times a day. IG/Snapchat gives you constant access to attractive half naked girls you can just scroll through, and that's an issue for me if my boyfriend is interested in that.
    Then you need to tell him. Instead of asking why he takes his phone everywhere, tell him how it makes you feel.

    You don't want access to his personal life. You aren't asking for that, but you do want a man who behaves in a way that's respectful to your feelings and to the relationship.

    I don't mind if my mind looks at other ladies. He just needs to do it on his time and not around me.

  10. #29

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Then you need to tell him. Instead of asking why he takes his phone everywhere, tell him how it makes you feel.

    You don't want access to his personal life. You aren't asking for that, but you do want a man who behaves in a way that's respectful to your feelings and to the relationship.

    I don't mind if my mind looks at other ladies. He just needs to do it on his time and not around me.
    I know you're right. I'm going to speak to him on Saturday as we're both off at the weekend so plenty of time to talk without rushing it. My gut is telling me I'm right about my suspicions, but I won't know for sure until we talk.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    I haven't caught him talking to anyone it's just what I'm thinking based on the evidence but I could be jumping to conclusions. Maybe it's just harmless fun for him and doesn't see how much it's causing trust issues. Aren't all guys into instagram girls/Snapchat now anyway? It's like the modern porn.
    but you've talked to him about it already and he's said he won't do it and then went ahead and did it again.
    The only guys that are into what he's doing are the ones whose g/f's put up with it by staying and just b*t*hing about it. If it's just about a bunch of harmless fun why does he do it still when you've talked to him and told him how it makes you feel? Is he addicted to it? Does he not care about your sensibilities about it?

    How would you feel if he was using the visuals of actual porn stars rather than real girls (that he could interact with if he so chose). Would that cause you grief as well?

    You have other issues in this relationship anyway as you say you have had many ups and downs. Just don't do yourself the disservice of settling for someone that you're not getting along with often.. When you read things you don't want to accept, I notice you tend to defend him... don't try to talk yourself into thinking it's okay when its not if its caused you to start a thread about it. If he gave up IG altogether would you still have many of those downs?

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