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Thread: I am insecure or is something going on?

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Do you want to continue in this relationship knowing his behavior will not change?
    I honestly don't understand it though, I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel worried/upset/insecure with this behaviour. Surely people can change behaviour? I'm not asking him to compromise on his values and beliefs. Just stop disrespecting someone you're in a relationship with? Is that not reasonable? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    I honestly don't understand it though, I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel worried/upset/insecure with this behaviour. Surely people can change behaviour? I'm not asking him to compromise on his values and beliefs. Just stop disrespecting someone you're in a relationship with? Is that not reasonable?
    He apparently does not agree.

    You've tried asking and you've tried policing.

    Is this how you want to live the rest of your life?

    What is it about him that makes it worth all this worry and anxiety? Something besides "But I LOVE him!" or "But we've been together for X amount of time." There has to be better reasons than those, right?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You're always at each other, you don't trust him, he tells you lies to appease you and he disrespects you by being an attention freak with chest shots likes he's single.

    My question to you is: Why do you stay with him? Please tell yourself the truth there because anything other than that is you just fooling yourself. Loving someone when you're not being shown that you are valued (buying you dinner and chit is not showing you value) is not enough to make a relationship a happy one nor is it worth staying in.

    To change his behaviour he has to want to. Apparently he doesn't want to so you either change yourself to accept his BS (hard to do when it concerns you so) or you leave him to it and find a guy that's not addicted to the attention he's obviously getting from his "bikini beauties."

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What is it about him that makes it worth all this worry and anxiety? Something besides "But I LOVE him!" or "But we've been together for X amount of time." There has to be better reasons than those, right?
    Because then I think of the good things, he's given me keys to his flat, I can go over and stay whenever I want. I've met his family, he takes me on holidays, he agreed to go to couples councelling when I asked, he's still here even though it's been hard at times. Surely that means something and I'm just over reacting about the other stuff?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    I can't decide if I just need to accept it and drop it, or if it really is disrespectful and not acceptable in a relationship. I'm trying to rationalise it but it's just not sitting right with me- being so secretive with your phone, making sure I never see the screen, getting messages at midnight-2am... surely that would cause anyone concern?
    I always put myself in the other persons place.

    So, had he not appreciated your screen shots, selfies and excessive need for attention and you were sincere in wanting to instill the trust in your relationship. . or at least you say you did, would you carry on with your phone the way he does? Would you be shielding your screen in front of him, taking it to the bathroom, placing it face down and getting texts at 2 in the morning?

    I would think not. I will assume that you value this relationship and without compromising yourself, you'd be able handle yourself in ways that didn't trigger your boyfriend. Especially in light of the previous circumstances.

    I think the moral of this story is you need to be with someone who's values and respect for a relationship are in alignment with yours.

  7. #16

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You're always at each other, you don't trust him, he tells you lies to appease you and he disrespects you by being an attention freak with chest shots likes he's single.

    My question to you is: Why do you stay with him? Please tell yourself the truth there because anything other than that is you just fooling yourself. Loving someone when you're not being shown that you are valued (buying you dinner and chit is not showing you value) is not enough to make a relationship a happy one nor is it worth staying in.

    To change his behaviour he has to want to. Apparently he doesn't want to so you either change yourself to accept his BS (hard to do when it concerns you so) or you leave him to it and find a guy that's not addicted to the attention he's obviously getting from his "bikini beauties."
    I haven't caught him talking to anyone it's just what I'm thinking based on the evidence but I could be jumping to conclusions. Maybe it's just harmless fun for him and doesn't see how much it's causing trust issues. Aren't all guys into instagram girls/Snapchat now anyway? It's like the modern porn.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    Aren't all guys into instagram girls/Snapchat now anyway? It's like the modern porn.
    I am not apposed to porn or whatever means one person may prefer. But isn't that something he can do during his own private time?

    I can only assume most people do, but it doesn't cause them to guard their phone like it's going to catch on fire.

    I am going to take a chance and think there is some live time interaction going on. That's what he might be trying to manage.

    And for me, that would be crossing the line.

  9. #18

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself

    I would think not. I will assume that you value this relationship and without compromising yourself, you'd be able handle yourself in ways that didn't trigger your boyfriend. Especially in light of the previous circumstances.
    Sorry I'm not sure I get what you mean by this?

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I am not apposed to porn or whatever means one person may prefer. But isn't that something he can do during his own private time?

    I can only assume most people do, but it doesn't cause them to guard their phone like it's going to catch on fire.

    I am going to take a chance and think there is some live time interaction going on. That's what he might be trying to manage.

    And for me, that would be crossing the line.
    Yeah I don't mind porn. I wouldn't mind really if I knew for a fact that he doesn't know any of these girls he follows and screenshots, but he must at least know of them as they're around the same area and we have a couple friends in common, and he follows literally hundreds and hundreds.

    The interaction is what I'd say is crossing the line too, if he's sending them photos/vice versa.

    I'm going to have to just ask him all this and get it out in the open

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Llamalaura
    Sorry I'm not sure I get what you mean by this?
    Read it again,
    If the roles were reversed, I doubt you'd be secretive about your phone, especially in light of the fact your boyfriend had expressed his dislike for your need to interact with half dressed people on the internet. You might not do the very thing that would make him uncomfortable. You would be sensitive and respectful to his feelings about this.

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