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Thread: This is a strange one

  1. #1
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    This is a strange one

    I keep promising myself that I wouldnít be back in here but here we are. I met this woman about 5 months ago and weíve been getting together at least once a week. We live about an hour away from each other and I have always made and wanted to make the effort to see her. Iíve dated a couple of women before her but she made me feel like itís something I wanted to follow through with.
    Weíve had our minor misunderstandings most of which she apologized about and I was never ashamed of apologizing for either. She would misunderstand what I said and would block me on every form of contact before I could even speak my point of view. She would then come around and apologize and the contact would get better until this last time.
    A little bit of a back story- she comes from a wealthy family and I live alone, recently switched careers, took a lower pay, and started school again. I canít support marriage a family and the luxuries we both want. I am fully aware that Iím not there yet.
    The last time she got mad at me was the day she broke up with me. It started with a ďletís take a break for a few weeksĒ to ďour lifestyles, goals, distance, and past experiences are too different.Ē She said ďmy feelings got really strong and I feel like itís best to end them before anyone gets really hurt here.Ē I havenít talked to her much except for spending a night a week later at her place. Iím not sure where to go from here.
    I didnít do anything wrong, in fact I did everything I could to make her happy. There were a few nuances that Iíve noticed in the span of things that made me wonder if sheís fully recovered from her past but it was something she brought up in the beginning and communicated very well with me.

    I donít know where to go from here and I need some advice. Please ask me questions about anything and I will answer them honestly.
    Last edited by captaindrey; 03-03-2020 at 06:44 PM.

  2. #2
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    What were the two of you having misunderstandings about? Did she end the relationship and you two have now gone your separate ways? At any rate, she's been inconsistent when it comes to deciding if being with you is something she wants. You deserve to be with someone who knows they want to be with you. From what I can understand of your post, it sounds like she has finally made her decision and she is moving on. I would close this chapter and move on with your life and cut off contact with her completely and permanently.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by captaindrey
    She would misunderstand what I said and would block me on every form of contact before I could even speak my point of view. She would then come around and apologize and the contact would get better until this last time.
    This is her style of conflict. That is likely not going to change. At least not to the degree that it would be some sort of healthy discussion rather than slamming the door, taking her toys and running home.
    Is this something you can continue?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    This is her style of conflict. That is likely not going to change. At least not to the degree that it would be some sort of healthy discussion rather than slamming the door, taking her toys and running home.
    Is this something you can continue?
    She sounds really difficult, to me. Are you sure you want someone like this in your life?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She blocks everytime there's a problem? Sounds like a dead-end to be honest. That's not the type of person anyone would be able to deal with if she has tantrums to this degree.
    Communication is key and it won't work if her idea of dealing with issues is to block you completely.

    Add into it that she sounds somewhat spoiled, you don't have the money..it's going to be a problem, and a big one as time goes on.

    Honestly, you'd do better to call it a day and find someone more compatible and more down to earth.

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    The final straw as far as how it seemed to me was when I kind of did step out of line. We had a great night with my friends and we stayed out fairly late. We got home around 3am and when we woke up I was a little sad as I was looking forward to having sex that night but we didnít. I didnít bring it up but I was also a little silent as it upset me a bit. After she asked me I did mention it and she said that that demeanor made her feel unsafe. I get that from her point of view. I failed to properly communicate my feelings and left her guessing as to what was going on. It was just something I didnít want to talk about and I didnít want to bring it up bc I thought it was petty and would start tension. We had a great night all around so why do that?
    The money thing I get and I have not asked or expected her to pay for anything. I have acted like itís a non issue and Iíve paid for every date dinner and gift Iíve gotten her. In fact, I went above and beyond to make sure it is never an issue. I did bring up the fact that I started over as I do believe itís who I am and where Iím at.
    I almost feel like sheís battling herself and while she likes me as a person and a romantic partner, she doesnít see my worth as a provider which I havenít really failed to show her. Although, Sheís been engaged to two guys, both of whom were well off so I can see where sheís coming from.
    At one point she told me that when I took her out, it was more real than someone thatís wealthy buying her the most expensive meal. She said it felt like it meant more coming from me.
    We are not together and we also arenít blocked from each other anymore. I just donít think I have anything I could do or say. We are on speaking terms and the last interaction we had was fun and flirty but Iím at a dead end here.
    I know she has/had real feelings for me. Her efforts proved that (I could go in to that if asked).

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you should just move on from her. Why flog a dead horse?

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    It has only lasted for a short time every time and she would call me rationalize and apologize for what happened. Iím not saying I was right every time but I canít pinpoint a time that I acted in a way that didnít try to defuse the situation. None of it was a big deal in my eyes.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    She blocks everytime there's a problem? Sounds like a dead-end to be honest. That's not the type of person anyone would be able to deal with if she has tantrums to this degree.
    Communication is key and it won't work if her idea of dealing with issues is to block you completely.

    Add into it that she sounds somewhat spoiled, you don't have the money..it's going to be a problem, and a big one as time goes on.

    Honestly, you'd do better to call it a day and find someone more compatible and more down to earth.
    The money issue is the major part and I donít agree that as time goes on it will be a problem. I donít plan on not advancing in my career or settling. I did it once and I have no doubt that I will become successful again. Not to challenge you personally, but I think thatís her train of though.
    I do agree that she probably shouldnít have blocked me every time. I donít yell and I listen and always try to look at things from anotherís perspective before I make an argument. Iím not afraid to be wrong. Itís how I learn.

  11. #10
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    You don't exist to be her or anyone else's provider. We all provide for ourselves. If you start a family with someone, you both need to provide for your family. But she definitely does not sound like the person you want to start a family with. I would just move on and leave it behind you.

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