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This is a strange one


captaindrey

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I keep promising myself that I wouldn’t be back in here but here we are. I met this woman about 5 months ago and we’ve been getting together at least once a week. We live about an hour away from each other and I have always made and wanted to make the effort to see her. I’ve dated a couple of women before her but she made me feel like it’s something I wanted to follow through with.

We’ve had our minor misunderstandings most of which she apologized about and I was never ashamed of apologizing for either. She would misunderstand what I said and would block me on every form of contact before I could even speak my point of view. She would then come around and apologize and the contact would get better until this last time.

A little bit of a back story- she comes from a wealthy family and I live alone, recently switched careers, took a lower pay, and started school again. I can’t support marriage a family and the luxuries we both want. I am fully aware that I’m not there yet.

The last time she got mad at me was the day she broke up with me. It started with a “let’s take a break for a few weeks” to “our lifestyles, goals, distance, and past experiences are too different.” She said “my feelings got really strong and I feel like it’s best to end them before anyone gets really hurt here.” I haven’t talked to her much except for spending a night a week later at her place. I’m not sure where to go from here.

I didn’t do anything wrong, in fact I did everything I could to make her happy. There were a few nuances that I’ve noticed in the span of things that made me wonder if she’s fully recovered from her past but it was something she brought up in the beginning and communicated very well with me.

 

I don’t know where to go from here and I need some advice. Please ask me questions about anything and I will answer them honestly.

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What were the two of you having misunderstandings about? Did she end the relationship and you two have now gone your separate ways? At any rate, she's been inconsistent when it comes to deciding if being with you is something she wants. You deserve to be with someone who knows they want to be with you. From what I can understand of your post, it sounds like she has finally made her decision and she is moving on. I would close this chapter and move on with your life and cut off contact with her completely and permanently.

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She would misunderstand what I said and would block me on every form of contact before I could even speak my point of view. She would then come around and apologize and the contact would get better until this last time.

 

This is her style of conflict. That is likely not going to change. At least not to the degree that it would be some sort of healthy discussion rather than slamming the door, taking her toys and running home.

Is this something you can continue?

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This is her style of conflict. That is likely not going to change. At least not to the degree that it would be some sort of healthy discussion rather than slamming the door, taking her toys and running home.

Is this something you can continue?

 

She sounds really difficult, to me. Are you sure you want someone like this in your life?

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She blocks everytime there's a problem? Sounds like a dead-end to be honest. That's not the type of person anyone would be able to deal with if she has tantrums to this degree.

Communication is key and it won't work if her idea of dealing with issues is to block you completely.

 

Add into it that she sounds somewhat spoiled, you don't have the money..it's going to be a problem, and a big one as time goes on.

 

Honestly, you'd do better to call it a day and find someone more compatible and more down to earth.

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The final straw as far as how it seemed to me was when I kind of did step out of line. We had a great night with my friends and we stayed out fairly late. We got home around 3am and when we woke up I was a little sad as I was looking forward to having sex that night but we didn’t. I didn’t bring it up but I was also a little silent as it upset me a bit. After she asked me I did mention it and she said that that demeanor made her feel unsafe. I get that from her point of view. I failed to properly communicate my feelings and left her guessing as to what was going on. It was just something I didn’t want to talk about and I didn’t want to bring it up bc I thought it was petty and would start tension. We had a great night all around so why do that?

The money thing I get and I have not asked or expected her to pay for anything. I have acted like it’s a non issue and I’ve paid for every date dinner and gift I’ve gotten her. In fact, I went above and beyond to make sure it is never an issue. I did bring up the fact that I started over as I do believe it’s who I am and where I’m at.

I almost feel like she’s battling herself and while she likes me as a person and a romantic partner, she doesn’t see my worth as a provider which I haven’t really failed to show her. Although, She’s been engaged to two guys, both of whom were well off so I can see where she’s coming from.

At one point she told me that when I took her out, it was more real than someone that’s wealthy buying her the most expensive meal. She said it felt like it meant more coming from me.

We are not together and we also aren’t blocked from each other anymore. I just don’t think I have anything I could do or say. We are on speaking terms and the last interaction we had was fun and flirty but I’m at a dead end here.

I know she has/had real feelings for me. Her efforts proved that (I could go in to that if asked).

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It has only lasted for a short time every time and she would call me rationalize and apologize for what happened. I’m not saying I was right every time but I can’t pinpoint a time that I acted in a way that didn’t try to defuse the situation. None of it was a big deal in my eyes.

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She blocks everytime there's a problem? Sounds like a dead-end to be honest. That's not the type of person anyone would be able to deal with if she has tantrums to this degree.

Communication is key and it won't work if her idea of dealing with issues is to block you completely.

 

Add into it that she sounds somewhat spoiled, you don't have the money..it's going to be a problem, and a big one as time goes on.

 

Honestly, you'd do better to call it a day and find someone more compatible and more down to earth.

The money issue is the major part and I don’t agree that as time goes on it will be a problem. I don’t plan on not advancing in my career or settling. I did it once and I have no doubt that I will become successful again. Not to challenge you personally, but I think that’s her train of though.

I do agree that she probably shouldn’t have blocked me every time. I don’t yell and I listen and always try to look at things from another’s perspective before I make an argument. I’m not afraid to be wrong. It’s how I learn.

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You don't exist to be her or anyone else's provider. We all provide for ourselves. If you start a family with someone, you both need to provide for your family. But she definitely does not sound like the person you want to start a family with. I would just move on and leave it behind you.

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You don't exist to be her or anyone else's provider. We all provide for ourselves. If you start a family with someone, you both need to provide for your family. But she definitely does not sound like the person you want to start a family with. I would just move on and leave it behind you.

Definitely easier said than done. It’s hard when everything else was flawless. I know she flees/felt the same way.

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Definitely easier said than done. It’s hard when everything else was flawless. I know she flees/felt the same way.

 

Her hot and cold behavior is not respectful and should be a red flag to you. Her communication with is very poor, which leaves you with a wondering what you did wrong. Is that what you deserve? That is who she is. It’s neither fair nor realistic to expect her to change. I suspect that deep down you realize this.

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Too much drama. Find a better woman.

 

Does she work?

 

Congrats on returning to school!

 

Hey there! Thanks after switching careers it seemed like the right thing to do. I’m entry level meaning I have more free time and the company supports my area of study.

She does work. She’s a special education teacher. Really passionate about her work which is something that attracted me to her. She has a great heart. She had an bad car accident that left her to realize her friends weren’t her real friends and she dropped them so she kind of had a start over as well. It’s just such a strange situation.

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Her hot and cold behavior is not respectful and should be a red flag to you. Her communication with is very poor, which leaves you with a wondering what you did wrong. Is that what you deserve? That is who she is. It’s neither fair nor realistic to expect her to change. I suspect that deep down you realize this.

You know what really gets me? Is that the time we were good was so good and thinking about her in that setting makes me sad because it’s not going to be with me. And I like her too much to say “f it I don’t care.” I’m not a knight in shining armor but I know I’d do the best I could to make her happy. Making my partner happy is how I’m happy.

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Returning to school is a smart thing to do! It can be exhausting but well worth it.

 

Her commutation style is very extreme. What would happen if you had a family, would she block and walk out?

 

I don’t think so. It’s unknown but I do feel like it’s a commitment that she wants to take seriously hence the reason she backed off. I wasn’t there yet though. I definitely want marriage and kids but we were only 5 months in.

She has mentioned that she’s “old” and wants that soon. I’m 32 and she’s 30. I can’t argue that train of thought but I want something that’s built on more than age.

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You dont want so much drama in life , what would happen you end up married , this is the way its going to be? you have started accepting her way of blocking and she is ready to block you for any future incidents.

 

Once we start treating us like this we basically are not looking at a mature relationship.

Hate social media, not sure why we cant meet up, resolve any differences in person.

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Do you guys think it’s possible that she is afraid to take a chance? I know she likes me and she said her feelings got really strong and that’s the reason she wants to stop this- so no one gets too hurt.

Minus her actions to prove her feelings, for someone that knows what a block button is, saying that was a lot of effort. Am I wrong to not doubt her feelings?

 

*i never blew her phone up with messages

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Do you guys think it’s possible that she is afraid to take a chance?

 

No. I don't think she's afraid.

 

I think her feelings are actually no longer as strong as she says, but she doesn't know how to be honest with you about and end it kindly. Women who really want to be with you are not going to tell you that things should end before they go any further. We wouldn't risk losing a guy we feel strongly about.

 

Sorry, man. I know you like her but I don't think the feeling is totally mutual anymore.

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You know what really gets me? Is that the time we were good was so good and thinking about her in that setting makes me sad because it’s not going to be with me. And I like her too much to say “f it I don’t care.” I’m not a knight in shining armor but I know I’d do the best I could to make her happy. Making my partner happy is how I’m happy.

 

That’s fine, but don’t you want that sentiment to be mutually reciprocated? You deserve to be respected, honored and cherished. Nothing you’ve said here sounds like she’s willing, capable or interested in those things.

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