Should I reply

Boyfriend of 4 months broke it off by text a week ago. He has been suffering from depression and anxiety but things were good between us. We were in contact everyday and saw each other once or twice a week. Had discussed the fact that he was tired and didn't have much energy to meet up but it was constructive communication with no arguments at all.

Everything seems fine but then out of the blue he sends me a text where he breaks it off.

Haven't replied to his text and not sure if I should. I still want him back but I'm also well aware that since he broke it off he should be the one reaching out.

So now my question is wether or not I should answer his text if I still have a bit of hope left and want him to reach out if he gets to a better place. My friends are telling me not to answer him..

Sorry to hear this. Not much you can do but give him the space he wants.

He has been suffering from depression and anxiety but things were good between us. Everything seems fine but then out of the blue he sends me a text where he breaks it off.

I wouldnt write back to him. He's dumped you and should he change his mind he knows how to contact you. Then you can decide how you feel.

He's told you he's breaking it off so just leave him alone now and get on with trying to connect with someone new when you're feeling better. You don't need to be with someone you've only know for four months who is depressed and unmotivated. If you are COMPELLED to respond then thank him for the time together, encourage him to get professional help for is depression and then say take care of yourself.

You can do better than someone who is suffering in mental illness. This isn't like you are married or have been together for years and he suddenly was inflicted with depression. This is a short term thing wherein "till death do you part" or "in sickness and in health" are relevant.

Let him be as he needs to be in therapy and on medication for what ails him (if he's not already). If he does reach out to get back together tell him you're not interested. As I said, you can do better.

He ended it so let that be the ending. It wasn't a good connection. He told you himself he was tired and didn't have the energy. Accept that for what it is. Close this chapter and let yourself and him move on to a better place.

After he broke up with you by text, I wouldn't give him another thought. He made it clear as to what he's all about.

Next...

Thank you for all of your responses. I’ve decided not to reply and therefore NC. I just need a little time to get better. And you guys are right I can do better!

Thank you for all of your responses. I’ve decided not to reply and therefore NC. I just need a little time to get better. And you guys are right I can do better!

Good for you! Read my sig...

I agree with others. If he broke up with you via text, he's not a real man. He didn't do the right thing by summoning the courage to tell you in person so don't give him the time of day. What goes around comes around.

Ignore, ghost, block and delete. Good riddance!

Yup, that isn't cool to do over the phone.

If you truly still have feelings for him then maybe wait it out/be there for him if he does does anxiety. I know some people with chronic anxiety and its not pretty place. But that being said, history has a way of repeating itself.....

He ended it not because of depression and anxiety , but because he wanted to.

The reason doesn’t matter, you were only dating once or twice a week for only 16 weeks.

The honeymoon phase was over .

His means of breaking it off by text was cowardly and not because of depression or anxiety.

That’s just an excuse.

There is no point in responding now.

If he was that depressed or anxious he would have sent another text by now. But he hasn’t.

Acknowledging his text now would be futile.

A week ago would have been fine to acknowledge his message. And accept it.

But too late for that.

Delete his number and be strong for the benefit of you.

I understand how hurt you must feel. My advice is: dont reach out to him. Never let a man tell you more than ONCE that he doesnt want you. Men that want to be with you will make a real EFFORT to do so.

He didnt even care about you enough to call or break up in person. Remember that if and when he tries to come back to you. He did it once, he will do it again in the same manner of fashion.

Give yourself time and space to grieve, cry and process the breakup. Please dont rebound because you're hurting or lonely- you'll just find yourself dealing with the fallout of TWO breakups and you'll feel worse than you do right now.

You may feel blindsided by the breakup and we all get that. Your boyfriend may have already made up his mind that he was going to leave you, and was just waiting the right timing. I am guilty of that myself, but I did it to inflict maximum pain on my abusive exes as I walked out of their lives forever. (You hurt me, but I'll hurt you way more with my unexpected departure and my absence) Your boyfriend seems to have done it suddenly and without and regard for your feelings-since you say everything seemed fine- and that hurts you the most I'm sure.

So get out and have yourself a good time with family and friends. Be patient with yourself. But do NOT reach out to him. He left you and reaching out will just push him away more.

My abusive ex tried to reconcile with me after telling me to get the F away from him. So I did just so. And he made a fool of himself trying to come back into my life 8 months later. I had already healed from the relationship by that point, and would never put myself in the position of him telling me TWICE that he didnt want me. So rejecting his advances felt so empowering and he felt utterly stupid. I could see the rage in his eyes- how dare I reject him! Who do I think I am? So I made up an excuse and got the hell out of there. I took my power back. Take your power back and honor his wishes of breaking up.

One thing will be learned here: he will realize that breaking up was a mistake, or he will miss you and he will make contact- or he will realize that he is happier without you and the breakup will become permanent. And you will heal, move forward and love again in due time either way.

You were only together 16 weeks.

Do not respond.

Do not emotionally hook him in about "enjoying time together." He is not a cruise ship director or your Grandma you visited from out of town.

Just move on.

12 weeks is a good point to know if you want to have a relationship with someone and promote them from just dating or NEXT them. After a few weeks, go on coffee dates with new guys and don't see the next guy every day. and go out with several guys so you can choose.

Here's another vote for "Do not respond".

Someone in his mental state is not going to be able to maintain a healthy, happy relationship for any length of time, and HE is the only person who can sort himself out.

Three/four months in is the stage at which you find out whether this person is a fair bet for the foreseeable future, or whether it's going nowhere. For him, it's clearly going nowhere.

This is not your fault.

Move on and forget about him. There are plenty of guys out there who are happy, well balanced and will adore you just as you are - go and find one!

 

Move on and forget about him. There are plenty of guys out there who are happy, well balanced and will adore you just as you are - go and find one!

I know you guys are right. I deserve so much better and haven't contacted him since he sent me that message. But it's so hard. I miss him so much. Going from sharing everything to not having contact at all is hard... If something exciting happens I want to share it with him but I have to remind myself that he doesn't care.....

I know you guys are right. I deserve so much better and haven't contacted him since he sent me that message. But it's so hard. I miss him so much. Going from sharing everything to not having contact at all is hard... If something exciting happens I want to share it with him but I have to remind myself that he doesn't care.....

It's a horrible thing to have to go through, but eventually the feelings will fade and you can move on. Contacting him now would be to risk rejection and end up feeling even worse.

Your friends are correct, your gut is also correct, you need to take care of yourself now.

Stay Strong !

It's a horrible thing to have to go through, but eventually the feelings will fade and you can move on. Contacting him now would be to risk rejection and end up feeling even worse.

If she does contact him lets all hope he does reject her. He'd be doing her a favor.

I've found it helpful to learn how to qualify 'rejection' as someone who doesn't own the capacity to see and appreciate your unique value, which speaks of his limitations rather than of any reflection on you.

Once you can grasp that the limits of another person's estimation of you aren't necessarily accurate, you can relax into Who You Are and use that as a screening device to weed out bad matches. This can prevent you from turning the tables on yourself to try to view yourself through anyone else's distorted lens only to devalue yourself.

The goal of dating is to allow bad matches to drop away early while you keep moving forward to find true simpatico with someone who 'gets you' and CAN see and appreciate you.

You get to decide whether you can adopt the resilience to shake off bad matches and keep plowing forward through lots of toads until you find the right match.

Head high.

Just an update.

I chose NOT to answer his message. He has since sent me several trying to chat me up. I'm still doing NC though!

My mood is better and I'm well aware that he did in fact not deserve me! Thank you all for your thoughtful replies!

Don't let him back in if he chose to leave! Stay strong, you got this!

Just an update.

I chose NOT to answer his message. He has since sent me several trying to chat me up. I'm still doing NC though!

 

My mood is better and I'm well aware that he did in fact not deserve me! Thank you all for your thoughtful replies!

That was a good choice to not answer his message. However, you're not in NC if you're leaving him an open door where he can still contact you.

I don't think you're there yet, but that's JMO...