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Is Age Difference an issue


chai28jm

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Hi it been awhile but i have a question?

 

I am with my girlfriend for 6 years she is 25 and i am 37. We both love each other. But i wondering if the age different is an issue. I want what best for her and her happiness is important to me. I know if breaking up would be hard but if it for the best i would do it for her. So this part that will get interesting. While we are getting serious, our relation was on Down Low, now we meet parent and let them know we dating but i just dont know how people would think about it. i never thought i would be dating someone younger than me because i am alway more attractive to older women except for my girlfriend which is an exception. but before going any further i want to know if the age different is something to be concern about.

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You wrote that you have been with her for six years. How come you are asking this now? Weren't you concerned about her happiness back then? Or is it that you have grown bored and are looking for an excuse to bolt?

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Typically when people use phrases like "before going any further" they are describing the early months of romance, not something that has consumed six years of their life. You've already gone quite far, in other words, regardless if much of that journey took place "on the down low." Why has this been a secret for so long?

 

I guess I'm struggling to see the age difference as the issue here, but maybe something you're focusing on right now to avoid focusing on that issue, whatever it is.

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You wrote that you have been with her for six years. How come you are asking this now? Weren't you concerned about her happiness back then? Or is it that you have grown bored and are looking for an excuse to bolt?

 

No far from it i want married her

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Typically when people use phrases like "before going any further" they are describing the early months of romance, not something that has consumed six years of their life. You've already gone quite far, in other words, regardless if much of that journey took place "on the down low." Why has this been a secret for so long?

 

I guess I'm struggling to see the age difference as the issue here, but maybe something you're focusing on right now to avoid focusing on that issue, whatever it is.

 

well is just start that way and i guess we were ok with a few close friend know we are together. we just don't broadcast it like that. meaning like on social media. not like we hide to go out or anything like that. both of our family does know of it.

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Sounds like you are looking for confirmation you should end the relationship. If she was the love of your life, you wouldn't care what anyone thought. You have so much doubt. You have such a nonchalant attitude, that you have np breaking up with her if it was for her own good.....on one truly in love says that.

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By now you should have a perfectly good idea if the two of you are compatible. If you've gone this far, then the age difference in and of itself is not an issue. Are you happy? Do you love her and feel loved in return? Do you both want the same things? Those are the only things that matter at this point. This is your relationship and how others may or may not perceive it is irrelevant.

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Why is it suddenly an issue? Does she want marriage/kids? Do you? You don't have to display your relationship at work but what is all the hesitation and doubt about otherwise?

 

Does she want to break up? Why do you want to dump her 'for her happiness"? Was there a recent argument, standoff or ultimatum you wish to get away from and "make her happy"?

I want what best for her and her happiness is important to me. I know if breaking up would be hard but if it for the best i would do it for her.
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I am with my girlfriend for 6 years . but before going any further i want to know if the age different is something to be concern about.

 

What's alarming to me is the fact that you are only asking this question after six years of being with her. What, all of a sudden has made you think that the age difference could be a problem? Is this a case of your parents thinking it's okay to be with her casually but she's not a good life partner for you or something?

I say shame on you for continuing on with her for six years and only now wondering about the age difference. If you had a doubt you shouldn't have started with her in the first place. jmnsho

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Why is it suddenly an issue? Does she want marriage/kids? Do you? You don't have to display your relationship at work but what is all the hesitation and doubt about otherwise?

 

Does she want to break up? Why do you want to dump her 'for her happiness"? Was there a recent argument, standoff or ultimatum you wish to get away from and "make her happy"?

 

She have told me kiss some other guy. that found attractive at her job. We are normally very honest with each other. I was upset and feel betray but then at the same time i wondering maybe it sign i am not enough for her anymore. She say i am her best friend which i am as well. I dont wanna break up with her over a kiss. plus this the first time something like this happen. so i was just wondering if i am hold her back.i have been through the whole dating thing and i am her first long term relationship.

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So she's been dating you since she was just 19, and has recently kissed someone else?

 

I think this has less to do with an age difference, and more to do with the age at which she started dating you. She was young and likely hadn't had much experience with guys yet. What did she tell you about this other man - does she like him? How did this kiss happen? Does she want to keep dating you?

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It's only an issue later when you'll obviously age faster. People get old and often times, unfortunately, unhealthy while the younger partner or spouse is 10+ years more healthier, more vital and energetic. I've observed these age difference problems with my parents, cousin's marriage and friends who have large age gaps between spouses or partners. Just know it's inevitable eventually and no one can control aging and poor health due to the older one in the relationship.

 

Also, coming from different generations is sometimes problematic. You've already experienced life more at age 37 and I remember when I was only 25 years old and didn't know about life yet. Just remain realistic.

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Do you think would like a younger guy? Or that she is growing restless since this is the only relationship she has had? Perhaps she wants to cheat, perhaps she wants to relate to someone in her age groups who she can start a new life with. Are you from the same culture? If she is kissing other guys and telling you about it she may have one foot out of the door already.

She have told me kiss some other guy. i was just wondering if i am hold her back.i have been through the whole dating thing and i am her first long term relationship.
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Is this Marine Girl, the one from your poems?

 

You've been together for six years. One day she kisses another guy from work whilst you are both still together. This is what I would think about: What type of woman do you want to be married to?

 

Your current girlfriend has shown you with her actions (kissing another guy) that she is easily seduced by temptation. Reality is that there are ups and downs in marriage. So what will happen when things aren't temporarily that good? Will she be able to control her impulses or will she act on them?

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She have told me kiss some other guy. that found attractive at her job. We are normally very honest with each other. I was upset and feel betray but then at the same time i wondering maybe it sign i am not enough for her anymore. She say i am her best friend which i am as well. I dont wanna break up with her over a kiss. plus this the first time something like this happen. so i was just wondering if i am hold her back.i have been through the whole dating thing and i am her first long term relationship.

 

Is it typical for someone who's dated the same guy for 6 of her formative years since the age of 19 to grow restless and want to date other people? Yes. You're the one in your 30's and possibly past that stage, but not her.

 

People tend to believe that adolescence ends at age 18, but it actually lasts through mid 20s. So someone who's spent her adolescence locked in a long term relationship is likely to recognize that this has stunted her development in important ways.

 

The fact that she told you about kissing the guy is her way of putting the ball in your court. So decide whether you want to remain in a relationship that has you looking over your shoulder for the next time she acts out.

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