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Thread: Dealing with an ex-wife.

  1. #1
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    Dealing with an ex-wife.

    Hey everyone,

    I was hoping for some advice here. Typically, my ex and I get along, but every now and then, she turn pretty nasty.

    We had agreed on certain things child support wise, I lost some hours at work, I asked her if it would be okay If I paid less, she told me that, wasn't a problem.

    Then, she turns around and changes her mind, because she didn't agree how I was handling a situation with my son.

    (I've had a really hard time with him not sneaking in bed with me, unfortunately I give in) I completely understand this, and honestly I am doing my best to work on it)

    But, she sent me a pretty nasty text yelling at me, and that I will go back to paying the orginal amount.

    Yes, I know I could get a lawyer, and all that.
    But, that's a last resort.

    How do I deal with her nasty text, and pretty much calling me a horrible parent.

    I could ignore her, yes. But, when it comes to money, obviously I can't.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get the courts, your attorney or a mediator to re-evaluate the child support terms. Do not inflict ad hoc whims on your children. Focus on being a good father not being an antagonistic co-parent. Think of your child first not continuing to hash out rancor and fights. Both of you are harming the child with that.
    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    I asked her if it would be okay If I paid less, she told me that, wasn't a problem. Then, she turns around and changes her mind

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    Typically, I avoid any arguments with her, simply because I don't want it to affect my son.

    If she says nasty things, I'll ignore it. I do everything in my power to assure it doesn't affect him, for me his the only thing that matters.

    But, I have a different parenting style. And, she says I'm to nice but, I try to be a good daddy to him, but also his best friend.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He has friends. Parents should be parents, not try to win their love by being "cool" or permissive.

    A support agreement filed in court is your best option. And remember, the money is for your child, not for your ex.

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    I am paying more than I should.
    But, again never argued the facts.

    I am a parent, and I do everything I should.
    She seems like she likes to cause more havoc.

    But, I just don't let her get to me. It's only when she does things like this, it bothers me.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    There isn't anything you can do legal wise. She's not breaking the law being angry at your parenting skills, so having a lawyer involved is a waste of your money and will aggravate the situation even more.

    There is more to it than what you are seeing. Is it possible she didn't want to split up? It's possible she's frustrated at being a single parent...that it's getting to her. Is she struggling with a new bf? Does she have a mental illness of some kind like bi-polar? BPD? Depression?

    The way I see it the complaints are about simple things that can be resolved, there must be something that is making her act this way that isn't what you see on the surface.

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    I'm not sure honestly if she's dealing with anything. We didn't necessarily have the nicest divorce. I could say I made a huge mistake on my part. Her BF lives with her, and honestly I don't try to get involved with their issues.
    I've stayed mostly single, I just can't find the right fit for my son, she's had several BF since.

    I have always thought of her as bipolar, simply because of her insane mood changes.

    Night/day kind of emotional. "Catch her on a good day, you have gold, catch her on a bad day you have coal"

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are liable for whatever court ordered child support you have to pay regardless of what she says or agrees to. If you deviate from that, that can really become problematic for you. You would really do well to speak to an attorney about this simply to get educated about this subject so you don't end up neck deep in trouble with the law despite the best intentions from both, you and your ex-wife.

    Other than that, if she is unstable as you describe, it would be best for you to stick to what is ordered, communicate strictly through parenting software and minimize it to pick up/drop off/activities scheduling. Stop trying to play friends and seek to establish a routine for maximum stability instead. In the end, that will benefit all of you more than the precarious skating on thin ice you are doing now.

    This also goes for you in that you cannot ever develop any kind of a healthy relationship with a woman who is healthy would be good for you and your son when you are busy dancing around your ex's mood swings. Sane women will stay far away from this kind of a mess.

    As counter intuitive as it may seem to you, creating very firm, clear boundaries will go a long way toward stability.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    As DF pointed out, you're liable regardless of what you and she agree to on the side. Back pay for child support is as easy as garnishing your wages, and it's just as easy to prove. It doesn't matter what arrangement you informally come up with. It's what's ruled that's legally enforceable. Circumventing the court ordered amount is about the dumbest thing you could do.

    If you're paying more than you should or more than you can afford, you should file a motion to modify your obligations. States and localities are modernizing their standards, and it's in the child's interest to have a consistent quality of life between households (and for that matter, consistent parenting styles and rules). A good judge doesn't won't want junior going between mom's house and dad's rat-infested studio apartment. And besides that, in most states it's algorithmic, not subjective. A lawyer would be great, but you certainly don't need one to file the motion. Just some effort.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    Typically, I avoid any arguments with her, simply because I don't want it to affect my son.

    If she says nasty things, I'll ignore it. I do everything in my power to assure it doesn't affect him, for me his the only thing that matters.

    But, I have a different parenting style. And, she says I'm to nice but, I try to be a good daddy to him, but also his best friend.
    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    I am paying more than I should.
    But, again never argued the facts.

    I am a parent, and I do everything I should.
    She seems like she likes to cause more havoc.

    But, I just don't let her get to me. It's only when she does things like this, it bothers me.
    Why don't you just tell her that you know you made a mistake and that you will keep getting up and taking your son back to his own bed every-single-time and could she please reconsider the payment until you get your hours back? Swallow your pride and tell her what she wants to hear but really mean it. You MUST break your son of that habit in the first place never mind just to quiet down an irate ex spouse.

    Also: I don't know about the rules in the States but here in Canada if your employment situation changes (either up or down) then the courts will adjust your payment accordingly.

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