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Thread: Why did he disappear

  1. #1
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    Why did he disappear

    I was in a relationship with a guy who was 18. I was 22. When he had first asked me about a relationship I thought perhaps he was too young. Now I think he was immature. I thought he was a good person but the way he ended things was heartbreaking. At the beginning of the relationship he was saying how he wanted this to last and we did have a connection. He would express how it felt like we were soulmates and it was always a lot of fun when we would do things together and see each other every day. Then one day after one of our hangout times it was the last time I saw him again. We went out for Ice cream and then went home. After that when I texted him he barely responded and then one day when I asked if we could talk he texted back no that's it. The next day he sent a long text that we should break up. He said he was crying as he wrote this. It all seems ridiculous to disappear and then send long texts like that. I didn't see issues in the relationship and then suddenly that. I haven't seen him since. I messaged him very rarely after that in order to give him space, but most recently when we messaged he said he was worried to message me because I would think we would start dating again, and he said he wants to be friends. He said if that's what I thought would happen it's not. He said he doesn't want me to believe anything will happen again. It's a very different person than who I was with before. He said he wasn't attracted anymore, he doesn't know why. He said he used to love me and didn't know what changed. Also he has bipolar. He seems uncaring now. After that he blocked me on social media. I'm trying to understand, it's all quite odd how he suddenly disappeared.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Agree, he is too immature for you. Were you his first sexual experience? You need to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. This will help you move forward. Do not chase or continue to pursue him. Get on some quality dating apps and start messaging guys in your own age-range and maturity level.

    Also you can meet guys at college or classes, courses as well as clubs groups and volunteering. Develop yourself and round out your life. Do not babysit teenage boys. Date guys your own age.
    Originally Posted by flor97
    I was in a relationship with a guy who was 18. I was 22. Now I think he was immature. most recently when we messaged he said he was worried to message me because I would think we would start dating again.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Can you resolve within to just take him at face value and believe what he has told you? He dated you and he discovered that you weren't a good match so he ended it. If you just listen to what he told you then it won't be hard to understand. It IS hard to swallow rejection but with time you'll be just fine and you'll not give him another thought.

    Was he your first boyfriend?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You are correct, he was immature. Usually at age 18, whether male or female, people are still kids and haven't grown up yet. Relationships are passing fancies if that.

    Some people or a guy in your case are selfish, lack empathy and do whatever they want when they want without any consideration nor concern for you. You can't control nor change people like that. They do whatever they want, say whatever they want, act however they wish and it does not matter to them how you feel or what your reaction is. There's no sense trying to figure them out. They are who they are and will not change.

    He's bipolar and it's better for you to be associated with mentally healthy and stable people anyway. It's less stress for you.

    As for his abrupt behavior, consider it a blessing in disguise. He's letting you go even though the way he went about it was disdainful. Even though you don't see this now, bad experiences teach you a lot about people, their personalities and intolerable characteristic traits. As years pass by, you'll observe character and cherish moral character because it's the only thing that endures.

    From this day forward, you will only admire people who treat you and others with sincere respect. Everyone else should disappear from your life because you certainly deserve better. Be glad you were ghosted, blocked and deleted. Say, "Good riddance!" to yourself and repeat. Get rid of the bum in your mind!

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    He was not my first boyfriend, but he said there was something different about me and really wanted to be with me. Note that I said he has bipolar. Please take into consideration everything that I said not just the fact he rejected me. If I take him at face value and believe what he told me how can I not believe what he said before?

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    He was not my first boyfriend, but he said there was something different about me and really wanted to be with me. Note that I said he has bipolar. Please take into consideration everything that I said not just the fact he rejected me. If I take him at face value and believe what he told me how can I not believe what he said before? Thatwasthen you don't understand our connection. The reason I ask this is because he truly seemed to want to make this relationship work so for him to suddenly disappear is out of character. That is why I am seeking to understand.
    Last edited by flor97; 03-02-2020 at 06:21 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by flor97
    He was not my first boyfriend, but he said there was something different about me and really wanted to be with me. Note that I said he has bipolar. Please take into consideration everything that I said not just the fact he rejected me. If I take him at face value and believe what he told me how can I not believe what he said before? Thatwasthen you don't understand our connection. The reason I ask this is because he truly seemed to want to make this relationship work so for him to suddenly disappear is out of character. That is why I am seeking to understand.
    I could say "out of character" about a lot of people in my life, too, flor97. You just have to accept people's behaviors even though you don't understand it. The key is that you have to accept it. However, it doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. Some people exit your life for their own reasons or if you choose to exit their life for your own reasons, obviously both sides are incompatible which means the relationship wasn't meant to endure.

    Try not to bang your head on the wall as you figure out what makes people tick. It's a waste of your time and energy. Many times, there is no control nor rhyme nor reason why people behave the way they do. If they leave, it's their choice and all you can do is move on with your own life.

    I'm sorry you were rejected and dumped. Even though it is painful, know that you are a high quality lady and deserve a high quality MAN in your life; not an immature boy.

  9. #8
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    How long were you together?

    At just 18, he is far from having his own life figured out. It is best not to put too much stock into what someone as young and inherently inexperienced as him says, in terms of wanting to build a future. This is especially true if he suffers from bi-polar disorder. He isn't in a place to offer you a serious and long-term relationship.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by flor97
    He was not my first boyfriend, but he said there was something different about me and really wanted to be with me. Note that I said he has bipolar. Please take into consideration everything that I said not just the fact he rejected me. If I take him at face value and believe what he told me how can I not believe what he said before? Thatwasthen you don't understand our connection. The reason I ask this is because he truly seemed to want to make this relationship work so for him to suddenly disappear is out of character. That is why I am seeking to understand.
    Well, I realize that it sucks big time when a "connection" doesn't pan out for the long haul but that is what dating is about. To find a life partner who you can last a lifetime with. You probably can believe what he said before during the honeymoon period because he likely meant it at the time when everything is all new and shiney and the new relationship energy makes you say the things he said to you before.

    I understand your connection. Connecting with someone is nothing new to me, I'm old and I've had connections before. I'm fortunate enough to have a connection last past the honeymoon stage and you will find that person too but first you have to accept that somethings just don't pan out and that ending something isn't really about it being out of his character but rather a realization of his.

    How long did you date him?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He's 18! The male brain doesnt fully mature until age 25. He has a long way to go.

    He's a kid, you need to remember that. He is learning his way around the dating world. He let you down the only way he knew, and you have to accept this. Bipolar or not, he's still a teenage boy. Find someone closer to your own age.

  12. 03-02-2020, 09:46 PM


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