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Thread: Why did he disappear

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this the same guy?: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by flor97
    He was not my first boyfriend, but he said there was something different about me and really wanted to be with me. Note that I said he has bipolar. Please take into consideration everything that I said not just the fact he rejected me. If I take him at face value and believe what he told me how can I not believe what he said before?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Young people normally like to experience many relationships so that they can get that important life experience under their belts before eventually settling down. In each relationship, they learn what they do want and what they don't want. People who marry before age 25 have a 75 percent divorce rate, maybe because they didn't give themselves those needed dating experiences and clung to someone they assumed was "the one," but was far from it.

    What is the lesson you're missing here? You're clinging to his pretty words as though they trump everything else. You also have to take into account actions just as equally, and he has bolted. Whenever a relationship fails, it allows you to be free to meet a person whose actions will match his words, and he won't leave--not even once.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Young people normally like to experience many relationships so that they can get that important life experience under their belts before eventually settling down. In each relationship, they learn what they do want and what they don't want. People who marry before age 25 have a 75 percent divorce rate, maybe because they didn't give themselves those needed dating experiences and clung to someone they assumed was "the one," but was far from it.
    The divorce rate in North America is now at 50% I don't think that not dating around before settling down has much to do with that percentage. I think people who marry before they know who they are marrying and people who settle and then can't stand what they settled for is more of a reason.

    What is the lesson you're missing here? You're clinging to his pretty words as though they trump everything else. You also have to take into account actions just as equally, and he has bolted. Whenever a relationship fails, it allows you to be free to meet a person whose actions will match his words, and he won't leave--not even once.
    Agree!

    Op: You would do well to stop obsessing about this guy so you can more quickly get to the stage of indifference to him so you can be open in mind and heart to find a man that doesn't reel you in with his words. You must learn to be wary of men who proclaim to want a life with you during the honeymoon period or you will end up hurt and confused yet again. Time to emotionally mature and take words as just that until actions back them up as the truth.

    Again I ask: How long did you date him before he left you?

  4. #14
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    Why did he disappear

    [QUOTE=Wiseman2;7202784]Is this the same guy?

    No. I don't know who that is.

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  6. #15
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    [QUOTE=Wiseman2;7202727]Sorry to hear this. Agree, he is too immature for you. Were you his first sexual experience? You need to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. This will help you move forward. Do not chase or continue to pursue him. Get on some quality dating apps and start messaging guys in your own age-range and maturity level.

    Also you can meet guys at college or classes, courses as well as clubs groups and volunteering. Develop yourself and round out your life. Do not babysit teenage boys. Date guys your own age.

    Were you his first sexual experience?

    He had a girlfriend before but said she had left him when she lost interest. He was afraid that I was going to do the same: but then he ended up doing that to me, how ironic. We actually met at college, but as you said he is too immature for me and I need to date people my own age.

  7. #16
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    Yes, I would stay away from 18-year-old boys.

    You're not going to get a solid commitment from someone so young. He's got way too much exploring and growing yet to do.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Still no answer as to how long you dated him? I suspect it wasn't very long.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    The divorce rate in North America is now at 50% I don't think that not dating around before settling down has much to do with that percentage. I think people who marry before they know who they are marrying and people who settle and then can't stand what they settled for is more of a reason.

    Agree!

    Op: You would do well to stop obsessing about this guy so you can more quickly get to the stage of indifference to him so you can be open in mind and heart to find a man that doesn't reel you in with his words. You must learn to be wary of men who proclaim to want a life with you during the honeymoon period or you will end up hurt and confused yet again. Time to emotionally mature and take words as just that until actions back them up as the truth.

    Again I ask: How long did you date him before he left you?
    We dated for several months. I am getting over him and no longer wanting to work it out. The only sad thing is when a shopping trip turns into a sad situation as I remember how we used to shop together and go to the same places I still go. I'm moving on. I realize he was not able to handle a long term relationship although he wanted to.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by flor97
    We dated for several months. I am getting over him and no longer wanting to work it out. The only sad thing is when a shopping trip turns into a sad situation as I remember how we used to shop together and go to the same places I still go. I'm moving on. I realize he was not able to handle a long term relationship although he wanted to.
    Those memories will fade with time, and doing these things will one day no longer sting the way it does now.

    Keep doing you, and remember that this boy is not in any place in his life to offer a really serious commitment.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by flor97
    We dated for several months. I am getting over him and no longer wanting to work it out. The only sad thing is when a shopping trip turns into a sad situation as I remember how we used to shop together and go to the same places I still go. I'm moving on. I realize he was not able to handle a long term relationship although he wanted to.
    It's natural to grieve. Nobody's being dismissive of your feelings, but rather, we're trying to reinforce why focusing on the reasons why he wasn't a good match for your future is the best tool you can use to heal.

    Head high, and take baby steps.

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