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Thread: Unhappy

  1. #21
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    So, I'm glad you turned to us for some feedback. That's a baby step in the right direction. Getting different perspectives is very helpful but to implement change...well, that's up to you, Dudo. We are responsible for our happiness. Change is hard for most people, I assure you. There must be some way to visit a therapist. You need to give them credit for helping people. It's their mission. Please, see if you can find one. That, in of itself, will help you start your journey for recovery. Surely, there must be some therapists in the UK.

    I also believe that judging the lack of help that you received from a doctor 10 years ago is not fair. I don't care what anyone says but I am of the opinion that we are all fearful of something, albeit, some more than others. If you truly want to improve yourself you cannot wallow in this state of existence. YOU must take responsibility to seek help or you will continue in this severely depressed state. Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself??? Yes, you said fear but, like I just mentioned, we are all afraid of something. I, too, am a very private person so I get it. I am recently divorced after a 29 year marriage. How do you think I feel? I have two choices: either wallow in self-pity (or whatever else you want to call it) OR do something about my pain/heartache. I chose the latter.

    Perhaps you should focus on the good that you have in your life, like your mum, your health, your very existence,etc. That's what I did. You matter! I focused on all the good things in my life. Dig deep. I know there are good things in your life. Keep your head high, know that there are many fearful people (whether they want to admit it or not). Stay strong. I know you can do it. You've lived in misery too long. Time to change that and YOU have that power!!! Think about it, OK?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I have been where you are. I was deeply depressed.
    I had a traumatic childhood, me ex cheated on me, my Sister committed suicide, I could go on & on.
    It was a struggle to get out of bed, I just wanted to lock myself away & sleep. I pushed family & friends away.
    I found an amazing lady Dr who listened to me. Actually sat there, asked me leading questions that bought up a lot of things, and from there I felt validated.
    She prescribed me anti depressants & gave me info to apply for trauma counselling.

    I will say I am not 100% better, but I'm definitely about 75%. I feel happy for the first time in ages. I feel I have a purpose.

    Please find someone to talk to. Google online counselors or mental health professionals in your area. Dont be afraid to open up to them. They will help you plan coping strategies.

    Good luck

  3. #23
    Silver Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Dodo, am going through one due to lot of past bad experiences, it took me time to accept that i need to sort this out, i have found a therapist, her appointment is this weekend.
    You need to take this step, that's the first one and rest will come through.
    Just remember you can make it, as me, shelly and many more have
    Good luck mate!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I suppose Iím trying to explain that when I worked up the courage to ask for help I felt like I was dismissed and so it has left me more reluctant to try to ask for help now.
    I can appreciate this, but consider the worst thing about the outcome. A doc who was supposed to work FOR YOU, not the other way around, was dismissive. So fire the bum, and keep 'interviewing' doctors for a second or third opinion until you find a good one who will work with you and put you on the road to treatment.

    If it was your job to advocate for someone you care about who needed help, would you shift into a more assertive position? Consider your Self to be someone you care about, and operate as though your quality of life depends on finding the right person for treatment. This doesn't mean that you need to come up with the answers--that's how people talk themselves out of seeking treatment because anticipating themselves as responsible for their own diagnosis and treatment plan is too overwhelming. So skip that, and just ask the right questions. You don't need to be able to 'see' potential outcomes in order to do that.

    You've really got nothing to lose and everything to gain by not taking 'no' for an answer.
    Last edited by catfeeder; 03-03-2020 at 12:36 AM.

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  6. #25

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    I wasnít expecting so many replies. Theyíve all given me something to think about. Now I just need to turn thinking into doing.

    I have had no great trauma or particularly bad experience, if I did then perhaps I could understand why I feel like this. Thatís also the thing that makes me doubt that talking will help, I canít see what exactly I have to talk about. Thereís no reason for me to be as I am. I have no excuse to be like this.

    I have been thinking about what it is I fear. I am reluctant to ask for help because I donít want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up. I know guessing what could happen in the future isnít wise but I know what Iím like. Iím my own worst enemy. I avoid things so I donít have to deal with them.

    Thereís only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know Iím being infuriatingly stubborn, Iím sorry.

  7. #26
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    You donít need a big precipitating event to need therapy ó what you need is help figuring out how your mind works and working to develop better methods and strategies when you go into a negative spin, or to teach you how to overcome to get things done. You are stuck in a hopeless pattern and therapy can help get you out. Also, meds can help with any chemical imbalance you may have that puts you in this mind set.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're right.
    Originally Posted by Dodo
    Thereís only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know Iím being infuriatingly stubborn, Iím sorry.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    I wasnít expecting so many replies. Theyíve all given me something to think about. Now I just need to turn thinking into doing.

    I have had no great trauma or particularly bad experience, if I did then perhaps I could understand why I feel like this. Thatís also the thing that makes me doubt that talking will help, I canít see what exactly I have to talk about. Thereís no reason for me to be as I am. I have no excuse to be like this.

    I have been thinking about what it is I fear. I am reluctant to ask for help because I donít want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up. I know guessing what could happen in the future isnít wise but I know what Iím like. Iím my own worst enemy. I avoid things so I donít have to deal with them.

    Thereís only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know Iím being infuriatingly stubborn, Iím sorry.
    Resolving this is exactly what therapy is for. Basically to rewire your brain to stop being your own worst enemy. It's a journey, not a sprint.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    I have had no great trauma or particularly bad experience, if I did then perhaps I could understand why I feel like this. Thatís also the thing that makes me doubt that talking will help, I canít see what exactly I have to talk about. Thereís no reason for me to be as I am. I have no excuse to be like this.
    Depression is a physical condition that requires no 'excuse'. Feeling guilty about it is common, but it's like feeling guilty for not running a marathon with a broken leg.

    You are doing the kind of mind spinning over-reach I mentioned above, where you believe that YOU must be able to come up with answers. That only keeps you stagnating. You don't need upfront answers--that's why you hire professionals to assess your problem and come up with options for treatment.

    From there, you get to pick from an informed position which options you want to try out and learn what works, what doesn't, and what kind of tools you can implement to support the results you want.

    Depression is a chemical imbalance in the body. It impacts the brain and other organs, and it can manifest physical symptoms along with emotional ones. Not everyone presents the same, and not every instance of depression is caused by a traumatic event. It can start with mild symptoms hardly noticeable, and it can be acute or chronic. If an acute case does not lift on its own or with treatment, it can have chronic impacts on the body and mind that happen so slowly, you can't pinpoint a cause. That's typical, and so is fearing that you're somehow not 'eligible' (or worthy?) of the attention, time and effort for treatment.

    That's a self-perpetuating trap, and it's common and nothing to beat yourself up about--but it's also not necessary to live with. Treatment is readily available.

    Originally Posted by Dodo
    I have been thinking about what it is I fear. I am reluctant to ask for help because I donít want to disappoint anyone. I feel bad for feeling bad, especially as I know it is only me that can do anything about it. So if I asked for help I think I would very quickly feel overwhelmed then feel like a failure and a disappointment for not improving and then would back off and give up. I know guessing what could happen in the future isnít wise but I know what Iím like. Iím my own worst enemy. I avoid things so I donít have to deal with them.

    Thereís only so many times you can all say I need to speak to a doctor, therapist, counsellor or whatever I get that. I know Iím being infuriatingly stubborn, Iím sorry.
    It makes no sense to imagine the life of a healthy person and impose that image on yourself as something you must live up to just because you seek treatment. So you'll fear health because you can't picture yourself living 'up' to the picture while you're looking through the lens of someone who feels debilitated and too weak for that.

    So skip the mental goal setting that intimidates you, and focus instead on one baby step at a time. Don't compare yourself with anyone else--keep your lens focused on having a better day than you did yesterday, and make room for the days when that can't be the case.

    Every step you take in the right direction is in the right direction. That's all you need to know. Contact your doctor's office and ask the receptionist to appoint you with the doc who she or he believes would have the most compassion and best bedside manner toward someone who seeks an assessment for depression. If you don't like the response, consider speaking with someone else until you strike the kind of rapport you'd consider supportive rather than dismissive.

    It's a level playing ground: nobody wants to feel dismissed. It also doesn't kill anybody. It just means you haven't yet found the right match for you, and it entitles you to keep pursuing until you find that match.

    Head high.

  11. #30
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    You have nothing to lose, but much to gain: your happiness.

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