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Thread: Unhappy

  1. #11

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    And the job thing. I have next to no work experience, it is my own fault I know that, but it is very difficult to explain to potential employers. It is the thing that causes me the most embarrassment.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    I am in the Uk, I donít think itís easy to get a therapist of any kind. I donít know.
    I would think that you would have as many options as the US. Have you considered trying to find one?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    Ah thank you all for your replies.

    I am a very private person, I keep my thoughts to myself and find it very difficult to open up. I really am trying here even though it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    What stops me from going to the doctor is fear. Although I am unhappy with my life, I know it. It is difficult to explain, I want change but I am also terrified of it. And to be honest I donít see what a doctor can do to help, it isnít going to magically change my life and give me a job, friends and a relationship... but maybe thatís just part of being depressed that makes me think that way?

    Iím sorry if I am being incredibly frustrating not listening to your advice.
    Right, but what is it you fear exactly?

    You are correct that depression leaves you feeling the way you are. Everything is a chore, everything is pointless, nothing could possibly work. That's the definition of severe depression - this incredible lassitude and helplessness you are feeling. Some rational part of you wants to do things, but then....you just want to fall back and do nothing.

    Doctors can actually do a whole lot about that. It's one of those things that are highly fixable, manageable, etc. Since there are multiple causes, first the doctors will rule out physical things by doing blood work, checking thyroid/hormonal dysfunctions, if all well there, they'll refer you to a psychiatrist, who may determine that you need meds or therapy or both. Either way, once the core problem is identified, it can and will get fixed.

    As for talking to strangers or having trouble opening up, you actually don't need to. What I mean is write down your problems - for the past 10 years I've had no energy, can't do this or that, feel this way, etc. Make a whole list. Make an appointment and just let the doctor read over the list. No effort required on your part really. If you think you will skip the appointment, ask your parents to take you. When you have a broken leg, use crutches. Be practical.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    And the job thing. I have next to no work experience, it is my own fault I know that, but it is very difficult to explain to potential employers. It is the thing that causes me the most embarrassment.
    Do you have a degree? Have you considered volunteering somewhere, and you could possible be offered a position through volunteering.

    I suggest that you try to make some positive changes, by starting with a therapist to deal with your depression.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Right, but what is it you fear exactly?

    You are correct that depression leaves you feeling the way you are. Everything is a chore, everything is pointless, nothing could possibly work. That's the definition of severe depression - this incredible lassitude and helplessness you are feeling. Some rational part of you wants to do things, but then....you just want to fall back and do nothing.

    Doctors can actually do a whole lot about that. It's one of those things that are highly fixable, manageable, etc. Since there are multiple causes, first the doctors will rule out physical things by doing blood work, checking thyroid/hormonal dysfunctions, if all well there, they'll refer you to a psychiatrist, who may determine that you need meds or therapy or both. Either way, once the core problem is identified, it can and will get fixed.

    As for talking to strangers or having trouble opening up, you actually don't need to. What I mean is write down your problems - for the past 10 years I've had no energy, can't do this or that, feel this way, etc. Make a whole list. Make an appointment and just let the doctor read over the list. No effort required on your part really. If you think you will skip the appointment, ask your parents to take you. When you have a broken leg, use crutches. Be practical.
    I appreciate you taking the time to respond, you are making me think about things so thank you.

    I donít know what I fear exactly. Iím deeply embarrassed to admit my life is this pathetic, I donít want anyone to know so telling a doctor or anyone else is something Iíd rather not do. Although, yes, I do see that it may be needed. Trying it out here anonymously is a starting point!

    When I went to the doctor years ago I had blood tests done. The doctor phone me later to tell me I didnít have thyroid problems so I didnít need another appointment. No referral to a psychiatrist or anything else. I suppose Iím trying to explain that when I worked up the courage to ask for help I felt like I was dismissed and so it has left me more reluctant to try to ask for help now.

    Your last line actually made me laugh. Last year when I had a broken foot I didnít get it checked out for 10 days. I didnít think it was anything bad so keep putting off going to the hospital. It shows itís not just mental health things that cause me to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is ok!

  7. #16

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Do you have a degree? Have you considered volunteering somewhere, and you could possible be offered a position through volunteering.

    I suggest that you try to make some positive changes, by starting with a therapist to deal with your depression.
    No, no degree unfortunately. I have considered distance learning to do a degree, maybe I should look into it more.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    No, no degree unfortunately. I have considered distance learning to do a degree, maybe I should look into it more.
    You mean online?

    I think it would be of great benefit for you to look into furthering your education.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    Ah thank you all for your replies.

    I am a very private person, I keep my thoughts to myself and find it very difficult to open up. I really am trying here even though it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    What stops me from going to the doctor is fear. Although I am unhappy with my life, I know it. It is difficult to explain, I want change but I am also terrified of it. And to be honest I donít see what a doctor can do to help, it isnít going to magically change my life and give me a job, friends and a relationship... but maybe thatís just part of being depressed that makes me think that way?

    Iím sorry if I am being incredibly frustrating not listening to your advice.
    No, it wonít magically give you what you want overnight, but it is the first and most important step to getting there. The way to resolve problems in life, especially ones that seem large and discouraging, is to break them down into small, manageable pieces and handle them one at a time.

    In this way you begin to put one foot in front of the other towards reaching your desired results. The doctor can give you the guidance you need and get you going in the right direction. You then continue putting one foot in front of the other, one small piece at a time and before you know it, youíre up and running.

  10. #19
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    Look, what you are doing now is not working and has not been working for ten years and is only getting worse. If you feel dismissed by your doctor, go to a different one and discuss that you have barely been able to function for ten years and you need help, real help, not just indifference. If you refuse to even try it, you will spend the rest of your life like this because nothing you are doing is improving anything.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dodo
    I appreciate you taking the time to respond, you are making me think about things so thank you.

    I donít know what I fear exactly. Iím deeply embarrassed to admit my life is this pathetic, I donít want anyone to know so telling a doctor or anyone else is something Iíd rather not do. Although, yes, I do see that it may be needed. Trying it out here anonymously is a starting point!

    When I went to the doctor years ago I had blood tests done. The doctor phone me later to tell me I didnít have thyroid problems so I didnít need another appointment. No referral to a psychiatrist or anything else. I suppose Iím trying to explain that when I worked up the courage to ask for help I felt like I was dismissed and so it has left me more reluctant to try to ask for help now.

    Your last line actually made me laugh. Last year when I had a broken foot I didnít get it checked out for 10 days. I didnít think it was anything bad so keep putting off going to the hospital. It shows itís not just mental health things that cause me to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is ok!
    I mean you are doing a good job sharing here and articulating just how bad things are. So definitely a good start and something you need to give yourself credit for. Consider also, that speaking to medical professionals is very similar - sure you have a live person in front of you, but they are also a neutral person whose job it is to help you get better. So they approach it from that kind of a clinical perspective. They aren't there to judge you as a person but rather to apply their professional knowledge to help you get better. It's kind of as arms length as it is here in a way. Quite neutral. Like when you tell a doctor "I've been feeling without energy this long", their first thought is "could be x, y, or z I need to send him to following tests." They don't judge you, they jump straight to potential problems and how to identify the right one.

    As for going to that one doctor one time way back then. Could be he was a lazy doctor - that happens. Could also be that your issues didn't come across as dire and more just general unhappiness, lack of direction, so he just gave you some generic advice on how to improve your life, but didn't realize that you were already past taking that advice and doing it. That's why I suggest that you write down a full list of all your issues and challenges and hand it over so the message is more clear to the doctor, especially if you might get tongue tied and not speak up in person or try to gloss over and minimize things because you are uncomfortable with sharing them. Reduce the risk of that by simply removing that pressure from yourself completely by giving a written list of everything.

    What you describe with the injury, I mean that's pretty typical. Depression can have that affect over every single aspect of your life. Getting rid of it is a lot like moving a boulder - the hardest part is pushing the thing into motion and the greatest temptation is to try a little and then give up and stick your head back in the sand. However, when you have a support team, if you will, of doctors, therapists, yelling, cheering, and pushing you to keep going, then giving up becomes harder and laying into that boulder and giving it your all until the @#$@$! thing finally moves is easier. It's why even the most elite athletes have coaches - it might be your passion, but you aren't going to get up for practice at 5am every single morning unless you know your coach will pretty much kill you for being late. There is no shame in having a team around you to support your goals and to help you push through. Complete self motivation is a myth. Most of us are motivated by external forces - trainers, coaches, teachers, family, friends, doctors, therapists, etc, etc, etc, etc. It's really a long list that's custom fitted to each individual. Nobody lives in a bubble of just self.

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