Did he overreact or was I in the wrong?

Cut long story short, I felt pretty low the other day, I felt lonely and just depressed.. so I messaged my boyfriend and told him I felt a bit ty. I didn’t tell him the ins and outs because he usually gets upset because he blames himself for my mental health even though I’ve told him it’s not his fault, so now I just let him know and leave out the details. I later put a Facebook status about my depression and stated that if anyone else was struggling that I’m only a message away. His mum seen it later that day and asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t know I put it on because he doesn’t have Facebook, he told his mum he didn’t know and that I was being “retarded”. He then messaged me saying “nice facebook status btw” then went on to complain about it. I went to his house after that and a huge argument broke out about it, he said that he didn’t understand how I could say I can’t talk to close people about it but can post it to a lot of strangers and called it pathetic, he also said “carry on posting things like that on Facebook i’d Rather not know you” and he also managed to punch some furniture and it toppled over he was that raging. I was very upset obviously with me already feeling in a low mood, but I was stood there in shock. He has since apologised and told me he didn’t mean it and that his own head gets to him and that he feels like he’s trying his best with me and getting nowhere. However I keep thinking about it and wondering whether I’m actually in the wrong? He has always had a temper, few weeks ago he got angry and didn’t tell me why so I was asking him what was wrong and he ended up ripping the curtain rail off of the wall. Other times he’s the best boyfriend and does look after me, and for the record he’s never laid a finger on me. I just dunno how to manage situations like that.

So in other words, nothing has improved in the past 6 weeks or so. You posted this late January:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563422

 

You've also posted that he doesn't watch your videos. It's apparent he has a big issue with your social media use.

 

Since you want to continue to use social media and he doesn't like it when you use social media (to say the least...he's ripped curtains off the wall and punched furniture...), wouldn't you conclude you two are incompatible? After all, you've been dating less than 6 months, correct?

How long have you two been dating? IMHO, yes, he is overreacting and should consider some anger management courses. You have a right to post something like that on Facebook , especially if someone can give you some insight or a different perspective on how to deal with it. He is not your keeper.

 

I am shocked that you are actually stating that "he's never laid a finger on me." It might just come to that when he's in the middle of a rage. I would seriously re-think this relationship unless he gets his temper under control. I also feel that he is disrespectful to you calling you "retarded". This man has some serious issues. But, that's just how I perceive this situation.

 

Lastly, it doesn't sound to me that he's that great a boyfriend. Think about it...

He has serious uncontrolled behavior issues. Not your problem...it only becomes a problem when you stay with someone who is like this. walk the f away from this guy. Having toxic people in your life brings you down, you benefit nothing from this guy being your bf. Secondly, posting on social media is never an answer to your problems. Seek out professional help.

He has serious anger management issues. You need to run for the hills. Get rid of the loser. His mother isn't any better as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

They blew everything out of proportion and they're a major drama queen and drama king. Steer clear and you need to dump them both.

 

And no, you were not in the wrong.

So you can't talk to him about how you're feeling because it upsets him and you can't reach out to others on Facebook because it upsets him. That's no way to live your life. Unfriend his mother; having her report to him what you're posting does you no favours.

 

You and your boyfriend are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to social media. His rages may not have caused you physical harm YET, but their effect is to intimidate and bully. Is that the sort of boyfriend you want?

Sorry to hear this. A doctor and therapist are better resources for your mental health and talking than this abusive guy you're dating or pretending social media is equivalent to appropriate help, support and treatment..

I felt lonely and just depressed.. so I messaged my boyfriend and told him I felt a bit ty. I later put a Facebook status about my depression

Ok this guy is abusive and you need to get him out of your life. I’ve been there and trust me, this will only get worse. 1. The mother: unfriend her from Facebook. 2. The rage, the temper, calling you “retarded” to his mother, all of that is a huge red flag. And when you said at the bottom of your message, “I don’t know how to manage this”— you don’t NEED to manage it. This person is just some guy you’re dating, he does not need to be in your life. Get him out of your life. You don’t live together, do you? Do you have a good support system to help you leave? I know he’ll be pissed when you do leave so you will need a good support system.

You badly need to get away from this person, OP.

 

Mark my words, it's only a matter of time before he turns that uncontrolled rage directly on you. He is dangerous to both your physical and emotional well-being.

He sounds unhinged OP. This will not turn into a healthy relationship. Dump and block I think is best here.

This guy is scary.

 

I hope that "he never laid a hand on me" is not your barometer. This guy is emotionally abusive and violent and has anger issues. It is a matter of time before he does hit you. BTW, emotional abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical. Look it up.

 

You need to end this.

I'm sure he does have lovely traits, as most people do, and why you were attracted to him in the first place. You need to learn, which you haven't so far, is that you must recognize dealbreakers to protect yourself. He possesses what should be dealbreakers to any person with self worth, and it's not just one, but two. He's emotionally abusive and has anger issues. Aren't you worth of a man who has zero dealbreakers? If you don't think so, seek therapy to achieve that goal, because if you don't love yourself, you will never be with someone who will properly love you either.

 

Safely make your exit and work on yourself for a good long while without the distraction of romance.

What's holding you stuck in this abusive relationship?

he feels like he’s trying his best with me and getting nowhere.

So he's frustrated with your mood swings and he reacts to his frustration in a violent way. I suggest you give the gift of a break up to the two of you.

 

I also suggest that stop dating until you and your therapist/doctor has your depression under control. It's not fair to you or to whomever you get with when you're moods are unstable. Being depressed is causing you to keep picking the same kind of guy it would seem.

 

Most people feel some frustration when dealing with someone with depression. Fortunately most of those people know how to deal with it better than your current boyfriend. He'd do well to get his own therapy to figure out why he stays with someone that triggers him like that.

 

Are you under professional care for your depression? If not, why not?

One day soon he's going to draw blood-your blood.

 

He's already leaving behind emotional scars with his emotionally abusive behaviour. Please get away from this guy, he's scary and is dangerous.

Neither of you behave in ways that are conducive to a relationship. The violence speaks of the guy, and your willingness to remain involved with that speaks of you. If you're depressed and frequently melancholy, your first order of business is to seek the right help through a doctor and counseling to become relationship material. You can't get that help from a guy. Dating is not therapy.

Facebook or any social media is not for that purpose but i understand we generally are not in control of our emotions during depression , there is strong sense to reach out, so firstly warm hugs to you and now please consult a therapist.

I feel sorry for your bf tbh.

 

You are seeking attention and when you don’t get it from your bf you are posting those ridiculous memes on fb rather than dealing with your stuff.

 

That is not good! He will get out of this apparent relationship eventually because really who would stay?

 

His own mother calls him to tell him about your public nonsense !!!?

 

If you are depressed clinically you would deal it with it clinically.

If you are “depressed” (attention seeking) you will post stuff on fb.

 

Which are you???

 

Your bf might very well have anger issues and be wrong in his response. But Look at what he is responding to???

Doesn’t make his response right but his angry response doesn’t make your actions right either.

 

A normal sane guy would have left ages ago.

Walk away from this one. You state he has never laid a finger on you, but his violent rages have certainly scared you, affected you, and it is abusive. Mark my words, it's just a matter of time before he directs his violence at you. He is a powder keg.

 

Yes, he was out of control.

 

Are you wrong? I do believe you are wrong for maintaining this relationship. I know how hard it is to leave. Abusers are very adept in keeping you sucked in, giving you great happiness and joy in between acts of voilence and abuse. In addition to the violence, he calls you names and refuses to empathize and work with you.

 

Drop your boyfriend. Drop your boyfriend's mother from your FB page, or at the very least, block her from seeing certain messages you post....this would be a stepping stone. Eventually you need to drop both him and her from your life, but understandable if you do not wish to remove her as a FB friend right away.

 

Do yourself a favor and dump this guy. You can do so much better. His behavior so far is huge, glaring warning. He will escalate and he will get worse. I've BTDT.