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Thread: 30M, getting older, worse looking and women dont like me

  1. #21
    Platinum Member musicman777's Avatar
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    Hey, I just wanted to share my thoughts. I'm your age (just turned 30). I 110% am sympathetic to your anxieties! This past like 4~ months for me were anxiety-ridden hell after a bad experience with a woman. It took medication and a lot of therapy to get on the other side of it. I'm not 100%, but I'm doing a lot better. I just wanted to tell you that, you are NOT alone. Be compassionate to yourself and understand what it happening. And understand that your anxieties, that is not your true self. Especially OCD if you are dealing with that (I have minor OCD symptoms that intertwine with the anxities).

    You need to find a therapist and stick with them. I went to one therapist for a year and a half. She was great for some things, but wasn't helping me get past unwanted, ruminating thoughts, so I found another therapist better suited. This new one, I had a tough time going to at first. You know why? She was getting to the root of some of my issues, and making me talk about things that are uncomfortable to talk about. That is how you kinda make progress with that part of your life. Keeping things bottled up and ruminating in your thoughts is no good. My MD, I told him about my mental struggles, constantly worrying things, he put me on a popular antidepressant that has minimal sexual side effects. It so far seems to be making some different for me. I don't feel 100% happy (yet), but I am in a much much better place than I was a few months ago.

    You need to take care of yourself mentally. The longer you let mental issues go unchecked, the worse they can get. And man, you need to quit worrying so much about how women see you. The other people here are right; not all women give a crap about a perfect hairline. I got about 90% of my hair still, just some minor loss up front (I been pretty blessed compared to the rest of the men in my family). It's just part of life, man. The other people here are right; it's not the hair, but the person wearing it. Women want someone who's happy with themselves, someone confidence and independent. Someone who is going to compliment their life and not complicate it. You mentioned your anxieties got the best of you. You need to work on that before dating again. One thing I've learned in life this past year. I've gotten a great job, a lot of money now, dated quite a few women. Those things don't really bring me happiness, or as much as I thought they would. If you're not happy with who you are and where you are in life, getting those things isn't going to magically make it better. Good luck, I hope you reach out for some help with your issues.

  2. #22
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    Thanks for the replies, but how do you get over the fact that people treat better looking people more favourably and treat you like you're nothing. I was supposed to meet someone off of a dating app last night and I showed up to the place we were meeting only for her to not show up. Not even a message about not turning up. Nothing. Totally spiteful and rude. I'm sick of being treated bad by work colleagues also and just blatantly ignored by people and rejected by society.

    On the way home on public transport there were couples cuddling up to eachother and I was alone dealing with that bs. I'm still the same person I was 10 years ago when I was much more handsome and people would give me the time of day.

    At the minute I'm at my parents house for the weekend with my annoying dad who has never provided me with any advice or been a male role model of any sort. I'm only here as my only 2 good friends are off in other countries and I have nowhere else to go. No one wants to help and therapists just want your money. Nobody cares. Women always have a network around them and people will pander to them when you're down, as a guy noone does and you just have to suck it up

  3. #23
    Platinum Member musicman777's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ross88
    Thanks for the replies, but how do you get over the fact that people treat better looking people more favourably and treat you like you're nothing. I was supposed to meet someone off of a dating app last night and I showed up to the place we were meeting only for her to not show up. Not even a message about not turning up. Nothing. Totally spiteful and rude. I'm sick of being treated bad by work colleagues also and just blatantly ignored by people and rejected by society.

    On the way home on public transport there were couples cuddling up to eachother and I was alone dealing with that bs. I'm still the same person I was 10 years ago when I was much more handsome and people would give me the time of day.

    At the minute I'm at my parents house for the weekend with my annoying dad who has never provided me with any advice or been a male role model of any sort. I'm only here as my only 2 good friends are off in other countries and I have nowhere else to go. No one wants to help and therapists just want your money. Nobody cares. Women always have a network around them and people will pander to them when you're down, as a guy noone does and you just have to suck it up
    I'm sorry you got stood up, I been there. It takes a special type of crappy person to stand someone up on a date. At least have the dignity to text or call and say they don't wanna meet. You dodged a bullet with that one. Most dating apps I have tried have been pretty terrible. If you're on crap like tinder or even hinge, there's a lot of crappy people on there. I met the current lady I'm seeing on eHarmony. The service is expensive, but the price of admission absolutely weeds out the bad people I've found. There's a lot of great, professional women on there who are looking for someone to settle down with. The current lady I'm seeing I met on there, we been dating since January. We're taking our time, had our first kiss last weekend. :)

    I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your dad, I can relate on that subject. My dad's been a lifelong alcoholic, he never was a good role model to me. I've looked up to other people in my life instead of him. It's tough, though, cause you really want and need a parent sometimes for certain things. Even at our age, it's still nice to have a parent to go to for things in life. I was closer with my mom, and she died a few years ago, which was really hard on me.

    I think, you just gotta have a little faith and optimism in life. I know you tried therapy. Not all of them are after money. They do that career path because they actually like their job and helping people. When they tell you to do and try things, you have to stick to it. I see you went to your doc for antidepressants. If they're not working, talk to your doc about trying some different ones. The right medications can make a world of difference. It really sounds to me like you need to improve your thought process. Women, they can smell the negativity a mile away. No one's perfect. I deal with anxiety and some depression now on a daily basis, but I don't let it control me. I've learned that, those things are not who I really am. Women, they want guys that have their stuff together. Not just a job, stability, but someone who's mentally sound. That saying you gotta love yourself before you love someone else comes into play. It sounds like you don't really love yourself right now. You have self-destructive thoughts. I hope you try to work on these things and get better.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Hi
    Sorry you're feeling so down on yourself, but I also think that's your problem.

    Stereotypically, men are more prone to physical appearance for attraction, as they are very visual. However, women are stereotypically, more emotional and tend to fall for a guy that they feel safe and cared for by.

    You are not confident enough to step up and take charge when surrounded by alpha males. Work on that and I think you'll be able to hold your own when out with the guys.

    Many times in my life, I have found a man attractive once I got to know him. And I mean guys I initially did not find attractive in the least to start.

    For example, I kinda hated this guy in my office. No personality it seemed in a group, not attractive physically imo. Then ine day we got assigned the same project. Once I worked with him one on one, my opinion changed. After all, I even laughed to myself when I had the thought "his wife is lucky"

    obviously, that was a platonic relationship, but my whole opinion changed bc he was so kind, smart and considerate to work with. I never knew!

    You just need to get the nerve to be an alpha male with the other guys, women will find that attractive.

    Take heart, there are very few truly ugly people. and the fact that you hit the gym means you're working on your fitness. That's attractive!

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  6. #25
    Member eldorm's Avatar
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    You need to do something about your depression, anxiety and ocd. See a professional. When you feel safe with who you are, your selfesteem will come too.

    Girls like guys that are sure about who they are. Guys that are funny and laugh a lot. Attractive people smile more than others you know why? The smile MAKES them attractive.

    A genuine smile attract people around you.

    Then the next step. Talking to people. You canít crack a joke to someone else before you have some kind of relationship or they will just look back at you and think you are wierd.

    Relationship, it is that you have said hello a couple of times and started to talk. See how the other person reacts to stuff before you start bonding.

    Maybe try to bond with some of the guys at the gym? It will make you more relaxed there and maybe you might find a new friend.

    When you are relaxed, happy, content. The other things will just come by themselves.

  7. #26
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    I was scrolling through tinder tonight and there she was. My ex from 3 years ago. The girl I have been thinking about all of these years. I felt sick and still do. She lookked even more beautiful than I remembered. 'm in a low place right now. Shes trying to meet other guys. Sounds crazy but I was in some comfort knowing she had a boyfriend before as I thought that would be it. But now shes planning on dating and maybe sleeping around. I didnt think shed go on a dating app but there she is.

    All of this was all my fault for breaking up with her. I sent her a message on fb and she said shes talking to someone new. I'm so depressed

  8. #27

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    Not to call myself an alpha male, but in looks alone on a first impression scale, compared to my 'wingman' I sort of thought I was. We're both pretty lean, but I am larger at 6'2, whilst he's about 5'6 and lighter. I was at a club with him and made a move on this fit-as-a-fiddle broad, got her to the bar with us, we both bought her drinks and engaged in conversation and in the end he got laid. She just went for him. We were travelling together so I heard the moaning live in the motel we were splitting (yes motel, being cheap worked out better for one of us), I tried not to see it but damn, I thought she was the as I'm into the firm body type of girl - mad tattoo on her leg too. Out seduced by the guy, plain and simple. She's a girl with a profile on "tapalogy", 4 fights in the boxing ring, lost all 4 though, but a winner either way. There is no 1 particular look that attracts women.

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