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Thread: Am I over thinking it?

  1. #1

    Am I over thinking it?

    At the beginning of the year, I started talking to a guy on a dating app. We hit it off pretty much instantly. After texting for a month, we decided to meet up. We live around 4 hrs from each other, so we met halfway and spent the day together. He is not much like the type of guy I typically would go for, but is very sweet and charming. After our first date, we both agreed very quickly to meet again. So 2 weeks later, we met up again. Then again 3 weeks later.
    I had talked about the fact I was planning to move from the town I live in, just wanting to put a bit of distance between me and my ex husband. He asked if I would be interested in perhaps moving in with him. I said yes.
    Unfortunately, 3 days after our last date, our state went in to lockdown for Covid. Halting any plans we had.
    During the lockdown, both of our lives have went a little out of control.
    I lost the job I had, and he has started working a lot more than he did before, leaving really no time to meet up.
    When the lockdown first started, until perhaps the end of May we were very flirty, very much talking about wanting to move on with our future together, texting constant. Telling each other we loves each other. Etx.
    Now, we still text, pretty much all day, but it is nothing like it was. I get the good morning texts. But no longer get I love you.
    I have found a temporary job, that will last another 9 weeks. But, I need to find a more stable employment situation, but I hate to take a different job, if I will be moving soon.
    Ive asked previously, about 6 weeks ago, when it seemed things started to feel a bit differenr, if the moving in together was still something he was interested in, and he replied of course.
    But I cannot shake the distant feeling I get from him. Im starting to wonder if it is truly work bothering him, or if he has just gotten bored with me.
    I want to ask if he is still interested, but I dont want to put any unnecessary pressure on him, because I know he is exhausted and is very stressed about his job.
    Im unsure if Im reading too much in to it, and need to just hang with him thru this, or if I need to demand clarity of his intent.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. Asking you to move in after 3 dates a red flag. Slow down focus on your work and recovery from your divorce.
    Originally Posted by Jennababee
    He asked if I would be interested in perhaps moving in with him. I said yes.

    Ive asked previously, about 6 weeks ago, when it seemed things started to feel a bit differenr, if the moving in together was still something he was interested in, and he replied of course.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Sydney Australia
    Dont move in with someone you have only just met, its a recipe for disaster!
    Find a job where you are, keep dating him & see what eventuates

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    It sounds like the initial "honeymoon" stage has worn off. In the honeymoon stage, everything is new and exciting. Everyone is on their best behavior and people might even feel like they've met "the one".
    But it might just be lust and once it wears off, the two people involved might realize that they don't actually suit one another well at all.

    Give it more time. Slow down a bit and see what happens. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not right.

    Being lonely is no reason to try to force a situation or to settle just because he's an option.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    In my opinion you are UNDER thinking it.

    Moving in with someone you've only seen in person 3 or 4 times? And no, you cannot know what it would be like to live with someone over texts and calls.

    If you want to put distance between you and your ex husband that's fine. Get your own housing and do NOT move in with this stranger.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I would not move in with him, regardless of whether or not he wanted me to.

    It's too soon. You have spent so little time together in person that you don't actually know how you would get along once the distance is closed. At most, I would find my own place in his area and date properly for while. See if you two really have the connection it takes to make a bigger commitment. Diving in with both feet when you've only meet in person a few times is not wise.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Your work situation is more pressing. Find stable employment and put romance second or third. Never depend on anyone else for your own stability and wellbeing.

    The current situation for work might be causing you a lot of anxiousness and uncertainty about your future. Resist the urge to pile that onto the personal and romantic side of things. That's not where it belongs. Focus on finding stable employment or getting back on your feet again.

    If you ever move in with someone, make sure you have exit plans and savings for when things do fall through. Never move in with someone or start a life with someone at a financial disadvantage. You're putting yourself at risk. If you think things are bad now, they can get a whole lot worse. Take care of yourself.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    When you don't date at a normal pace, you're putting a relationship at risk whereas it might've worked out had you done things at a normal pace.

    For one thing, never make major decisions like moving in with someone until you've regularly dated an entire year. It takes time to see how a person handles every important and stressful situation, if they make you a priority, if they have the capability of being faithful, if they take care of you when you're sick, and time to see if any skeletons come out of the closet.

    And then, you should temporarily get your own place in his town and date, still more, at a normal pace. Because going straight into moving from another town and into a person's place who you barely know is a lot of pressure for him. It's daunting for him that a woman will make this giant leap and how much harder it will be if a breakup happens, moving furniture, leaving a job if moving back to her hometown, etc. He might be afraid to voice those concerns, and might be the type to not rock the boat, regardless of the consequences.

    Things are never "as much" as the heady beginnings, but if you're dissatisfied with how things are going, why stay when you've barely invested in a relationship. Don't you have must-haves and dealbreakers? Do you not search for someone who is compatible with how you like to be in a relationship?

    IMO, people who seek out long distance relationships, which possess so many cons, are either hiding something or not really ready to be in a serious relationship.


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