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Thread: Our relationship doesn't "feel" like a relationship.

  1. #41
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry you got caught in this. Resist the urge to be at his beck and call for sleepovers. It seem he enjoys the catch-and-release game. No matter how lonely you feel in general or especially with all the social isolation do not acquiesce to being his booty call.
    Originally Posted by kathyb
    at 3 am, I craved, because I never expected this from him. And he wasn't drunk.

    the awakening came the next morning "Actually ... I think you should go home." Didn't hear anything from him the next few days. Still waiting.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry you got caught in this. Resist the urge to be at his beck and call for sleepovers. It seem he enjoys the catch-and-release game. No matter how lonely you feel in general or especially with all the social isolation do not acquiesce to being his booty call.
    Yes. He can't reach out again if you block him.

    Head high, and move forward.

  3. #43
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    Thought I'd give you all an update ... it's been interesting.

    We largely left each other alone, but he did keep reaching out. After a while, he asked me to be friends at least, because we missed each other terribly. I agreed to talk to him every once in a while and that's been okay, even though it hurt like hell.

    A week ago, he sent me a book, a story about two people who want to be together but can't. It was quite the eye-opener. Married man has affair with younger woman, younger woman leaves him after his wife finds out, he goes searching for his lover only to realise he doesn't love her and they can never be happy together because all he wants is the thrill of something new, and as soon as he gets what he wants he doesn't want it anymore. It's very cliche but it got the point across. He didn't need to, but he wrote in a note that the book would explain everything better than he ever could.

    Now I have to face the painful reality that he never felt the same way about me. I don't know how I feel. I want to pretend it's not true. I've also finally blocked him everywhere after I told him I do not want to hear from him for a good amount of time.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Now you can move forward to something more satisfying. That book is an eye opener but insulting and self serving in a way regarding how he just wants thrills. The good news is now you know the red flags for these situations.
    Originally Posted by kathyb
    I've also finally blocked him everywhere after I told him I do not want to hear from him for a good amount of time.

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  6. #45
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    It's hard for me to let go without getting answers. Hard to accept that the time we spent together was, overall, not what I thought it was. That every "I love you" was a lie. It doesn't seem real.

    Through all of this, I firmly held onto the belief that he did care for me and that I was important to him, even if he didn't actually love me. It's what made me stick around. I trusted him, and every time he said "I promise, I mean well" I believed that with all my heart. I didn't doubt his sincerity this whole time. And now I just feel betrayed and probably won't ever know how he really felt about me.

    This is oddly similar to the first time my heart got really, really broken. Not sure what to make of that.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Kathy.

    It doesn't seem real because it wasn't real.

    You say:

    "..even if he didn't actually love me. It's what made me stick around. I trusted him, and every time he said "I promise, I mean well" I believed that with all my heart."

    .



    That makes for very sad reading. Why think so little of yourself that you would stick around with a man who doesn't love you. That is the issue to be addressed, don't you think?

  8. #47
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kathyb
    It's hard for me to let go without getting answers.
    Originally Posted by kathyb
    And now I just feel betrayed and probably won't ever know how he really felt about me.
    The thing is, you do have answers. You do know how he felt about you. They're just not the answers that you are prepared to accept: He didn't care for you. He didn't love you. He used you to feel some highs and lows.

    It's really very simple. And as LaHermes says, sad. Why did you settle for that?

    Originally Posted by kathyb
    I didn't doubt his sincerity this whole time.
    You did doubt his sincerity. That's why you posted here. You were just in denial about it. You were desperate to believe that he cared.

    You've been waiting in denial since March (at least!). That's such a long time to put your life on hold!

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    The thing is, you do have answers. You do know how he felt about you. They're just not the answers that you are prepared to accept: He didn't care for you. He didn't love you. He used you to feel some highs and lows.

    It's really very simple. And as LaHermes says, sad. Why did you settle for that?



    You did doubt his sincerity. That's why you posted here. You were just in denial about it. You were desperate to believe that he cared.

    You've been waiting in denial since March (at least!). That's such a long time to put your life on hold!
    I agree.

    Nothing made you stick around except you. You chose to stick around.

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