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Thread: Lonely and confused

  1. #1
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Lonely and confused

    Hey everyone so lately I have been feeling out of my element and a little lost. Some things didn't go as they were supposed to, a family member was sick (nothing too serious but still stressful), there's a lot of drama going on at my work (coworkers fighting every day), I had a string of weird dates, I was sick myself, and I fell out with some of my friends.
    I know things like this happen all the time, I just feel guilty if I am sad or complain, I know I should be grateful for what I have but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I am very sensitive and tend to overanalyze things. My family keeps telling me I am an adult and should be strong. I know they are right, I just wish someone would listen to me and not just brush off my feelings.
    I used to bottle up my emotions, I still tend to do it sometimes, and I wonder how you guys deal with moments of sadness. I have been taught to just get over it but sometimes it's just too intense.
    I am really good at my job, and I like what I'm doing (apart from the drama element), my managers love me, I am very goal-oriented so if I feel like crap I just focus on work. I don't want to end up like a workaholic though. The thing is I feel super comfortable at work because I don't have to show I am vulnerable, and I can hide behind my mask of a successful consultant.
    Sorry if this is too long, I hope it makes sense and someone can understand me.

  2. #2
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    I also hate complaining or venting to anyone I think might have it worse than me. And it doesnít always help anyway. What I would do is work on finding specific activities or mantras that help you feel more relaxed and centered other than unhealthy go tos like food or alcohol etc because then you just create another problem. Iíve had to work on this a great deal so I donít show too much stress in front of my child or family. Because they deserve a relatively calm environment. I donít always do well at this and itís really frustrating. But I do take steps. I also think people notice negativity more than someone who is quietly positive or calm. Or maybe just my husband does.
    It also means being very honest with yourself about what works for you and what doesnít. Especially since if I see one more post on Facebook about massages or essential oils or health supplements to buy through MLM companies - sigh. I think people mean well generally when they suggest those things and maybe they do work for some people but for me itís worth the effort to figure out what works for you that you actually can implement in daily life.
    Iím sorry youíre having a hard time. All the best.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    How do I deal with sadness? I compare different scenarios from my past, that's how. For example, I'm ashamed to say that in the past, I took so much for granted when there wasn't a care in the world. Then life took on on so many different, very difficult trajectories like a wild roller coaster ride which tested me sorely. I fell into a deep, dark depression for a long time; not due to chemical imbalances in my brain per se but due to life's insurmountable problems. I wish I could've dumped my world of troubles onto others and traded situations with content people.

    My miserable reasons ran the gamut whether it was relationships with others (relatives / in-laws / extended family member - cousin, neighbor / friend), serious financial woes, health worries, job worries and the list was long. Fast forward. Then I compared how much better life is now that I survived all past trials and tribulations. Gratitude sets in big time like no other. I feel grateful for everything to be grateful for and count my multitude of daily blessings. I thank the Lord in my nightly prayers for everything to be grateful for. This takes away sadness or at least diminishes sadness. Also, I remember to gratitude because I know most the world has it worse off than me and disadvantaged. I consider myself very fortunate and truly blessed.

    If you change your perspective, you won't wallow in your misery anymore.

    Remind yourself that your moment of sadness is temporary. Everyday is a new day, start fresh and anew each time and your day in the sun will come. Chin up, kim42.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
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    Why aren't your problems (feelings) any more valid? I say it's okay to give yourself a pity party once in a while. (hugs)

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I hold in a lot, too. Thats probably why I post and reply here so much. I just don't want people to worry about me.

    But sometimes, I just let myself breakdown... sob into my hands if I have to. You gotta let it out.

    Its ok to breakdown, just don't stay there. I recognize that I do my best, but some of this crap is out of my control! And it hurts. I get scared, lonely, & worry that its never gonna change.

    And then... i turn my focus to the people in my life.... like you, I've fallen out with people or gotten away from them. In many ways its for the better. But I do have some people I truly love and that love me. So its never a waste of my time to love them with a quick call or a little note.

    I do whole heartedly believe that when we let go of certain things to make room for better, there is that period of 'what am i doing?'

    But we just have to keep doing the self work, hoping, praying, POSTING and having faith that things will change and there is a plan for us. Life is good and things do work out...

    Another thing Is, I meditate. I started learning about it over two years ago... It is single handedly the best thing I ever started doing. There are many techniques, so I encourage anyone to start researching it. You'll probably find something that resonates with you. (check youtube if youre interested)

    (hugs) this too shall pass.

  7. #6
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Thanks guys for your advice/comments, I feel slightly better today, don't know why I felt so lonely yesterday. I'll try to practise gratitude every day and be more positive.

  8. #7
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Leah33
    Why aren't your problems (feelings) any more valid? I say it's okay to give yourself a pity party once in a while. (hugs)
    I'm not entirely sure, guess it has to do something with how I was raised, one of my parents did not care that much about how I felt, and I learned just to get over things and not complain. But lately I have realized that if I don't talk about stuff that bothers me, it stays inside and keeps bothering, although it looks like I'm already over it. I'm learning to listen to myself and be nicer to myself, I guess.

  9. #8
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    I'm really glad you are feeling better.

  10. #9
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Thank you Batya, this forum is great if I need to vent and get things off my chest

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    Thank you Batya, this forum is great if I need to vent and get things off my chest
    Yes, I agree!!Just to make you laugh -a friend of mine posted today that she should sign up for something exciting like skydiving classes because she found herself way too excited about getting to wear her brand new underwear today LOL. Her son broke his arm a couple of days ago (yes he will be fine but you know) and I have a clogged toilet and am drowning in post-vacation laundry. I specified "post vacation" because yes I try to focus on "why" I have all this darn laundry. It's challenging!!

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