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Thread: Doing the right thing

  1. #1
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    Doing the right thing

    I met J (47) at the gym. I'm 30. We became friends and shortly after due to a different reason I moved in with him.

    Along the course of our friendship I have been blurring the lines a bit. He is a recently divorced Dad of four and I don't have a relationship I am currently working.

    Anyway I promised my mom that it wouldn't go beyond a platonic friendship because his kids visit a lot and I am working hard on some upcoming exams. Unfortunately we have almost had sex.

    I have mixed feelings about this. I think I have been doing so out of needing to be wanted and he probably is doing the same. I am not sure how he feels about me because he did ask me out on valentines day but he

    says he doesnt have the time/desire for a relationship.

    I havent been in any relationships so i am not sure what I want. Can someone please help me?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You crossed the roommate line, and now you're living with someone you've had sex with (who doesn't want a relationship). My advice for you is to move out and get a roommate that you're not likely to have sex with.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you known each other? How did it come about that you would move in with him? What is the understood arrangement? How are finances, etc handled? Are you renting an room/house-share?

    It's complex because you are both lonely and in addition to romantic complications there could be the issues of moving, etc.. Be careful not to become a roommate-with-benefits or live-in nanny/housekeeper.

    Can you move back home or with family/friends? It sounds like you are hoping for happily ever after or some type of relationship where unfortunately he has been clear that he does not want a relationship. That means you may get hurt or asked to move out when he's out dating new women .
    Originally Posted by foreverblue
    We became friends and shortly after due to a different reason I moved in with him.


    He is a recently divorced Dad of four. Unfortunately we have almost had sex. I think I have been doing so out of needing to be wanted and he probably is doing the same. he says he doesnt have the time/desire for a relationship.

  4. #4
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    I also suggest that you move out. You are going to get very hurt if you don't.

    He does not want and is not capable of a relationship.

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  6. #5
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    I didn't go all the way with him. I don't want a relationship right now or anything. I'm not sure why I did that. I moved in with him because I wanted a place closer to where I work.

    I am trying to figure out why I did what I did. I have these intense feelings of guilt so I texted him he agreed it was wrong, but still Its usually me initiating and he just goes along with it. Its easier not to feel guilty about it when you don't have the responsibility

    of initiating it. Moving out may be an option in the future as of right now no.

  7. #6
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    Apologies for being blunt, but moving out is the only option. At the moment, the chances of you actually sleeping together are quite high. Temptation is there and will be there, unless you move out.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by foreverblue
    I didn't go all the way with him. I don't want a relationship right now or anything. I'm not sure why I did that. I moved in with him because I wanted a place closer to where I work.

    I am trying to figure out why I did what I did. I have these intense feelings of guilt so I texted him he agreed it was wrong, but still Its usually me initiating and he just goes along with it. Its easier not to feel guilty about it when you don't have the responsibility

    of initiating it. Moving out may be an option in the future as of right now no.
    You approach him and start touching him or kissing him or something? Or do you go into his bedroom at night?

    Do you want a casual sex arrangement? If so, what will you do if one of you "catches feelings"?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone else. It's time to move OUT.

    He has already made it very clear to you that he has absolutely no time / desire for a relationship with you not to mention he ignored you on Valentine's Day. Get his message, take the hint and get out as in yesterday! Be smart. Stop wasting your youth on a man who does not matter.

  10. #9
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    move out. Male/female roommate situations where the two people are not related rarely work out (unless one or both parties are gay).

    There was no reason to do this.
    There are plenty of women looking for roommates.
    In my local area, there are women looking for a roommate for a full house -- divorced or retired widow who wants to be able to keep her house so having a roommate fits the bill to help with the bills. Women by schools, hospitals and airports are professional women looking for the same. This was a rediculous situation and you need to get out of it.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by foreverblue
    I didn't go all the way with him. I don't want a relationship right now or anything. I'm not sure why I did that. I moved in with him because I wanted a place closer to where I work.

    I am trying to figure out why I did what I did. I have these intense feelings of guilt so I texted him he agreed it was wrong, but still Its usually me initiating and he just goes along with it. Its easier not to feel guilty about it when you don't have the responsibility

    of initiating it. Moving out may be an option in the future as of right now no.
    Live farther away from work. Move in wth your parents while you look for a place and look at roommate ads.

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