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So I’m 17 he’s 28


Jada8907534

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So he’s a doctor and I’m studying to be a doctor also. He mentors me and we support each other in times of despair.

We don’t really go out much because he’s sometimes busy but he does go out of his way to make time for me. He makes me so happy. When I’m with him I can’t stop smiling. We’re playful. But we know when to get serious. He just gets me. I can’t tell him anything and he doesn’t judge me instead he gives me advice. I love that. But sometimes I feel like our age gap and our paths will slowly ruin our relationship. I’m somewhat insecure and I always feel like he’s going to leave me for someone else his age.

But whenever I bring it up he quickly dismisses it and it makes him upset when I think like that.

 

I just love him but I don’t want to stick around then get my heart broken when I could have saved myself.

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Are you together/together?

 

Look 10 years really isn’t that big of an age gap. A 35 year old and a 45 year old, no one really blinks an eye because it’s not that huge a difference, but 17 and 28... well that’s similar to 20 and 25 nbd 15 and 20 big deal...

 

I don’t know ow the age of consent where you live, in America its 18 and you have every right to date who you please, but due to the vast differences in where each of you is in life it won’t be without multiple challenges.

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It's unlikely that this relationship will go the distance, OP.

 

You're at very different stages in your lives and are coming into this relationship with vastly different levels of experience. Relationships that start when someone is at your age usually don't last long-term. I know you like this man, but don't get too invested emotionally.

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He is likely emotionally immature for his age, hence why he is flirting with a 17 year old. Do you really want to end up with a grown man who is immature for his age? People like that tend to stay emotionally stuck. It is very likely that in time you will outgrow him. The "mentoring" is fine from a teacher but from a boyfriend it gets old at some point. When you catch up with him it's likely that you will see him for what he really is i.e. someone who cannot handle someone who is his equal.

 

Imo, it would be a shame to miss out on the opportunity to date people your age and experience with them your college years to the fullest (a life stage that he is not part of).

You will never get your college years back once they are over.

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Honestly, getting your heart broken is the least worrisome of things that could happen here.

I'd be more concerned that this could cripple your growth as your own person figuring things out for yourself and experiencing this phase of your life in its full range. The other thing I'd be worried about is pregnancy if you are sexually active with him.

You say he is your mentor, but he's also a horny dude who I'm sure is interested in sleeping with you. He has power in the sense that you already look up to him, and he has the benefit of experience you don't. Those 10+ years give him a lot in terms of knowing what it is people like to hear, and how they operate. While you worry and feel insecure, he's got even more leverage over you.

Know you are amazing, and he's not worth a pedestal. Focus on finding other influences and mentors who do not have a sexual agenda, and on just building your own self and life up with lots of experiences where you can gain genuine confidence.

These types of guys usually go after those who are a little bit shaky in establishing independence and being on their own. They offer an " easy" alternative to doing the work on self, but you will just end up ripping yourself off if you go with "easy".

 

I have a cousin who actually married the older man she met when she was 16. He's was late 20s at that time. She's my age, and she still can't handle being on her own. I find that much sadder than anything. He passed away, she has all the money she needs because of him, but she never got to figure who she is because he took care of " teaching her" for her.

 

That's my long two cents.

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It is what it is hun, nothing can ever be written in stone....love and relationships of any kind is a crapshoot and heartbreak/pain is an essential part of life experience. If this is your mentality, then there is no way you are ready for an adult relationship with this man or any man.

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There's something mentally wrong with a 28 year old dating a 17 year old. Your brain won't be fully formed until you're 25, and so you won't realize this until you have more life experience under your belt. Be alone for now and distance yourself from him. You aren't mentally ready to date anyone when you have such a great fear of losing that person, which is smothering to a partner and unhealthy for you. Is your father absent from your life? Sometimes girls who seek out much older men are subconsciously trying to find a man to fill that role in romance.

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There's something mentally wrong with a 28 year old dating a 17 year old. Your brain won't be fully formed until you're 25, and so you won't realize this until you have more life experience under your belt. Be alone for now and distance yourself from him. You aren't mentally ready to date anyone when you have such a great fear of losing that person, which is smothering to a partner and unhealthy for you. Is your father absent from your life? Sometimes girls who seek out much older men are subconsciously trying to find a man to fill that role in romance.

I agree and I question the motives of a grown man who wants to be with a teenager. There is something rather insidious about it.

 

If you're still reading I too would like to know what your parents are saying about you dating a man 11 years your senior. You sound very naive and he sounds like he's grooming you rather than mentoring you.

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