Relationship at work

I recently got out of a short lived work relationship. Things were going great till my female best friend got jealous of the girl I was seeing. By the way, we all work together. Long story short my best friend decided she couldn't handle the situation so she decided to ask for a transfer. My manager tried to get involved and told the girl I was interested in the situation. From that point on she decided to exit the situation and end things with me. This has been an on going thing since summer 2019. We work almost full time together and she uses me phone to take selfies and leaves me those pictures. I really don't know how to handle this situation. She just recently started seeing someone, and I'm pretty heart broken.

Sorry about all this.

I don't know what your history is with your female best friend, but best friends, generally speaking, do not get jealous of friends when they start seeing someone and stir drama. So perhaps it's worth looking at that friendship and asking if it's the sort of thing you want to cultivate in your life, and whether you contributed any mixed messages to trigger that jealousy. Because looking at the big picture of your life? You are likely going to find dating anyone a challenge if you have a female "best friend" who hates the idea of you dating anyone, be it someone at work or not.

As for the continued weirdness with the selfies, and so on? That can all end when you want it to. You could say to her, for instance, "Hey, it makes me uncomfortable when you take photos of yourself with my phone, given our history and the fact that you're seeing someone. I'd appreciate it if we kept things professional moving forward. Thanks for understanding." If she is a respectful and mature person, even remotely, she'll stop that and, with it, so stops the drama that is doing a number on your heart.

Workplace romances, much like high school ones, are always a gamble because they unfold in claustrophobic quarters: you have to keep seeing each other in the hallways, so to speak, regardless of whether it goes north or south. But it's a thing that happens, and a thing people learn to handle, both in high school and in adulthood. So create some more professional boundaries moving forward and you'll give yourself, and your heart, some time to recover.

And, hey, if you're not fully happy at your job—well, certainly sounds like a fine time to put some irons in that fire and see about a new one. It is a small world we all live in, as the saying goes, but it doesn't have to be quite this small.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like "best friend" wanted more than friendship and coworker gf couldn't handle this friendship. Sadly this created a lot of tension at work for everyone involved. All you can do is be friendly but professional and date outside of work when you are ready and pull way back from having a female best friend. Coworker girl was smart to exit this triangle and date elsewhere.

we all work together. Long story short my best friend decided she couldn't handle the situation so she decided to ask for a transfer. My manager tried to get involved and told the girl I was interested in the situation. She just recently started seeing someone, and I'm pretty heart broken.

Keep your phone in your pocket!

I agree, it's not the greatest situation I've put myself through. My best friend and I had a good long talk about it and while we're on good terms, we're moving on. I just can't seem to shake the feelings from this girl at work.

I agree, it's not the greatest situation I've put myself through. My best friend and I had a good long talk about it and while we're on good terms, we're moving on. I just can't seem to shake the feelings from this girl at work.

You just have to give it time, and create the right space for time to do its thing. Shooting in the dark? I suspect part of what makes those feelings for her so jagged, aside from the nebulous selfie stuff, is that you ended up experiencing three losses simultaneously: the loss of romantic potential, the loss of a friendship, and the loss of a way of living that wasn't quite conducive to genuine friendships and romance.

Been down a few versions of those roads, so I may be completely off base or projecting. That said, in the big picture, these are really good lessons that are preparing you for healthier connections. Totally sucks, this stage of lesson absorption, but perhaps there is some comfort to be found in knowing you needed to sort out some of your personal affairs in order to make room to be able to live a bit differently, and more fully?

You're totally correct on the three losses. I was literally talking to friend about this and I think that's why this situation stings more. For me, I was able to be fully open up with this girl which is something that I've never been able to do since my first relationship. I just need to let time heal.

I've been through my fair share of losses, and I can get over the girl but just how everything unraveled is why I'm still feeling the stinging sensation.

You'll get there. I can only speak for myself, but I do find comfort when I can pinpoint a few key things I would have done differently, be it how I was with someone or who I was when I got with them. This is different than beating yourself up, but more just growing yourself up a few inches. It doesn't undo whatever has happened—doesn't negate the loss—but it does instill some confidence that, moving forward, there will be more grace, less drama, and deeper gains.

I've had some wonderful friendships with women, particularly when I was a bit younger, that will always be important to me. But even at the time I probably knew there was a little juju there that, while part of the connection, didn't make it a healthy one and didn't make me the best prospect for women to take seriously romantically. In the end, some of those friendships, along with some romantic losses, were probably needed to get me to make some changes so I could be an even better friend to people and a better prospect for the sort of women I wanted to connect with.

When it comes to maintaining close platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex, I find it best to keep strong boundaries.

I have experienced both the wrath of a jealous girlfriend and a jealous just friends girl.

And its your place to "keep the peace between them" Whether that means telling the friend to back down or vice versa and comforting the girlfriend that she has nothing to worry about.

A strong man handles his business and ultimately, you might find in some situations you will have to choose.

It was wrong of your friend to make it known that a request at work was because of you and the girfriend. And getting the manager involved in your personal life.

This is very immature behavior and hurtful. Best friends want what's best for our friends. We dont make dramatic plays to be the center of attention.

Keep in mind, forgiveness is fine, but dont to be surprised if the next time you have a girlfriend, she pulls another stunt like this.

Your poor ex-girlfriend... she learned a big lesson, too. Don't poop where you eat or you may become the center of office drama.

I'm sorry you got played by your supposedly bff and ended up hurt. Don't be naive. Stand up for what you want and don't let people use you for their own fun or whatever that bff got out of this.

Sure its an ego boost to have these two woman, but as you saw, a real woman of substance simply walks away. She doesn't deal with nonsense. She has other options.

Meh, it's work place drama.....it will pass.

When an opposite friend causes that much drama then it's time to distance yourself from that "friend." I hope you are no longer associating with her because she's going to cause this to happen to you over and over again. Her pretence at being in a platonic relationship with you when she actually wanted more (as evidenced by her jealousy) makes her not a friend to keep in your life. Don't answer any of her contact and give her the gift of getting over you.

... and yes, keep your phone in your pocket.

P.S. The "manager" that got in the middle of this and disclosed confidences is inept.

When an opposite friend causes that much drama then it's time to distance yourself from that "friend." I hope you are no longer associating with her because she's going to cause this to happen to you over and over again. Her pretence at being in a platonic relationship with you when she actually wanted more (as evidenced by her jealousy) makes her not a friend to keep in your life. Don't answer any of her contact and give her the gift of getting over you.

 

... and yes, keep your phone in your pocket.

 

P.S. The "manager" that got in the middle of this and disclosed confidences is inept.

That manager was definitely out of line, but I feel like I dodged a bullet with a situation with the partner could of been worse to me in the future. Better that I know this early on.

Meh, it's work place drama.....it will pass.

I definitely agree, things seem to have cooled off quite a bit and I'm glad for it. I would normally pass up on an opportunity dating in the work place but I am leaving the company in May so I just thought what the heck.

Why did this "friend" get jealous? Has she told you she wants to date you?

Excellent. Start fresh at your new employer by not becoming 'best friends', fwb, dating, etc any woman that works there. The last thing you want is a sexual harassment claim or to be known as the office Lothario. Date outside of work. Make friends outside of work.

I am leaving the company in May so I just thought what the heck.