Broke up with Ex, second girl involved. Stuck in Two Minds

have dated my ex for two years

A year and a half into the relationship I grew feelings for someone else and put myself in a pickle. A person who is more relatable to me. Someone who has a similar lifestyle to me. My girlfriend at the time has different religious and traditional differences than me.(no sex but other things are okay and cultural differences.) She also grew up in another country then me so communication on things we like are different and sometimes we don’t get what each other mean.

As time went on though we grew as a couple we talked things out but when I met that girl who is more like me and same traditions, I started to push my girlfriend away in a sense. I stopped bringing up problems. I didn’t talk things out with her and I got irritated. I thought about the future which didn’t bother me when we first started going out. We talked about it before we started dating. I was in love with this girl. She did grow every year together into someone more incredible(my ex gf.) our relationship was developing healthy and we did have our bumps in the road but we worked them out.

I wouldn’t bring her around my friends or to my community after I got close to the other girl. I would just see her solo. But the other girl would usually be around because we had mutual friends. That is part of the reason of why i didn’t bring my gf around because the other girl would get upset. Now I know that shouldn’t matter but I didn’t want to hurt the other person while I hurt my relationship with my Gf by not inviting her each time.

I would go back n forth between what I wanted but i would always tell the other girl I still want to be with my gf but we would still hang out.

I felt as if I was pushing my girlfriend out of my life for something easier. Something that would work so easy. Both girls are amazing and wonderful and it’s been a painful experience for all 3 of us. Yes it’s easier to be with the other girl but I still feel so strongly about my ex.

So I spent months trying to please both girls until I had a breaking point. That was this January. I went on a break with my gf and spent more time with the other girl to see how it would be. By February I decided to try again with my gf but I still wasn’t ready it was premature and I couldn’t be 100% with her. By mid February we went to try again(2 days)and I felt more comfortable but was still a little reserved but she got sick of it and blocked me.

2 weeks later she went on a date I’m

unblocked.

She told me I hurt her really bad and she waited and hoped for a month and half for me and I damaged her really bad and if we ever wanted to try again we would have to start from the beginning. She doesn’t want to hear words she wants actions and I would have to prove it to her. She doesn’t want to be played with because she not going to sit and wait, she would want to move on.

The other girl has been texting me(I had done no communication on both)and things are good. She’s a bit overwhelming because of what I’m dealing with. She really wants to be with me but she understands the situation.

I have been missing my ex and thinking about her a lot and before she went on a date I was planning to get in contact with her. It has been effecting the decisions and movement I make with the other girl. I’m still held back from her.

I’m struggling to know what the right decision is and that’s what put me in this mess. Should I let my ex live her life and move on? Should I follow my feelings and try to win her over? Should i be with the other girl who I Have a good connection with. As said before both girls are amazing and very similar. They would text me the same replies sometimes at same time!

I just need some advice or thoughts on this whole situation. I tried to write cliff notes of all the major details. I just want to make the right Choice because I’m hurting and I’m tired of them hurting. I can’t fully tell what my heart wants but I miss my ex. Thank you.

Sorry to hear this. Your story is an interesting example of the slow fade and why people take "breaks". Did exgf know you were cheating? "Confused" people should read it as an anatomy of cheating. It has all the classic signs.

Unfortunately you can't backpedal. exgf doesn't trust you. You are very incompatible. If the other girl tolerates your back and forth cheating, maybe she will give you a chance.

I went on a break with my gf and spent more time with the other girl to see how it would be. she got sick of it and blocked me.

 

 

She told me I hurt her really bad and she waited and hoped for a month and half for me and I damaged her really bad and if we ever wanted to try again we would have to start from the beginning.

Why don't you go no contact with both of them, it's not fair to either girl for you to be going back and forth between them.

The ex gf did not know I was interested in someone else and I spent time with them. But I did tell her that I wasn’t sure if I wanted a future with her and wasn’t 100% in love with her. My ex gf is willing to see me this weekend and talk to her but I have to show actions to win her back and it’s sort of a reset. The other girl is content atm.

To @daisyMayPorter I did no contact for like 2-3 weeks for each one. I don’t think that would help again. I have thought a lot of about all of this for quite some time. I know someone will get hurt and I will lose one. I just feel like my left over love for my ex is effecting me to start anything new because I feel like I want to be with her still.

When you love someone, you do NOT cheat on them. Please stop lying to yourself and to us about this.

The simple reality is that you got involved with a girl you really shouldn't have - you have nothing in common and that made the relationship difficult and miserable. The moment you had an opportunity with someone who is more compatible with you, that got your attention fast. If you had one ounce of empathy and kindness for your gf, you would have broken up with her instead of cheating, being a jerk, treating her like dirt, being intentionally cruel to her, and pursuing someone else while still holding her as your safety net.

Don't ever contact your ex again and take some time out to actually grow up and sort out what being a decent human being looks like. What you are doing right now is not it. You are very very selfish and very cruel.

If she speaks another language and you are from different cultures, how did you meet?

Of course she didn't know, that is the entire point of cheating You used every cheater line in the book like these:

The ex gf did not know I was interested in someone else and I spent time with them. But I did tell her that I wasn’t sure if I wanted a future with her and wasn’t 100% in love with her.

The ex gf did not know I was interested in someone else and I spent time with them. But I did tell her that I wasn’t sure if I wanted a future with her and wasn’t 100% in love with her. My ex gf is willing to see me this weekend and talk to her but I have to show actions to win her back and it’s sort of a reset. The other girl is content atm.

 

 

 

To @daisyMayPorter I did no contact for like 2-3 weeks for each one. I don’t think that would help again. I have thought a lot of about all of this for quite some time. I know someone will get hurt and I will lose one. I just feel like my left over love for my ex is effecting me to start anything new because I feel like I want to be with her still.

When I mean go no contact, I mean, don't contact either girl again and remove yourself from their lives. It's not fair to either one of them what you are doing. I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't feel bad for your situation. If you really love (either one of) them, you will set them free.

Also, if someone told me "I wasn't sure if I wanted a future with her and wasn't 100% in love with her", I'd never speak to them again. No one wants to hear if you're "not sure" if you want to be with them. You are being selfish, and you need to let them both go.

Ah yes, I know I’m the bad one. The selfish and the jerk and I did break up with her. Do I regret what I did yes. Did I have an sexual interaction with the other no. Yes giving ur time to another woman is cheating. I’m not disagreeing with you at all.

I saw something that was easier and enjoyed it since it was new and fresh and two years in I doubted my relationship and didn’t bring it up and work on it

To letting both go, and not contacting them. I do agree it’s a good idea and an unselfish road to take and it’s selfish to not want to lose out on both.

Why can’t it be if ur truly in love with one go with that one and give it ur all and make it work?

It can but you are not truly in love. Your relationship with your ex gf was nothing more than trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. It was built on a foundation of conflict and misunderstandings and trying to force things to work.

If there is anything to take away from this is that you should pay careful attention to compatibility and choose a partner who is actually compatible with you. Do not confuse conflict, hardship, and drama for love. That's not love.

How selfish and cruel. I can't believe either are speaking to you after the way you treated them.

You should have ended things with your ex, when you developed feelings for number 2, but you wanted to have your cake ...........

You are not a good guy. Such a jerk action.

Move on from both women, as they deserve better. It is also time to reflect on your character, before you mess with other's lives.

I’ll be a bit less harsh, because I’ve been in your shoes before.

My boyfriend had said and done some things that I felt at the time, I could not forgive or get past. At the same time, I’d met someone who was new and fun and made me laugh a lot. But it wasn’t so easy to just let go of my comfort zone. So I spent a few weeks in the tormented stage that you’re in, knowing no matter what I decided, I’d hurt someone.

Here’s what you need to understand. Your partner will do and say things that upset you. Some days you’ll feel the love more than others. And there will occasionally be temptation, sometimes maybe even enough to make you question things. All of this will ALWAYS be true.

If you want to have a happy relationship, you have to make the decision to commit through those things. You have to decide every day that your commitment is more important than any passing moment or temptation. You have to choose your partner. Every. Single. Time.

It will not be the lack of temptation that solidifies your relationship. It will be your commitment to forego the temptation and choose to love your partner.