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Thread: Husbandís strange behavior

  1. #1

    Husbandís strange behavior

    This will be long. Yesterday morning, I woke up and my husband wasnít in the room. I tried looking for my phone to check the time, but couldnít find it. So I just laid back down. He came back in the room and went back out to find clothes for work, came back in the room to get dressed. Sat on the floor for a sec, then changed and stood up and set my phone on the bed next to me. I was like ďoh, where was that?Ē He said ďon the floor.Ē I knew it wasnít, but I just said oh okay. He gave me a kiss and left the room. Came back 5-10 mins later and gave me another kiss and left for work. I went back to sleep. He messaged me good morning & when I clicked it, I saw all of our messages were deleted.. I said good morning & commented on how they were all missing. He said it was his fault and heíd explain later. I couldnít handle not knowing all day, so he told me. So about a year and a half prior, I was in a group chat with a few girls from my high school & we all sent topless pics as like body positive, whatever. My husband knew the chat was on my phone but never knew what was in it.. he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didnít know why. So he took my phone and looked at everyoneís pics... then he proceeded to send and save the pic of me and one other girl to himself.. then couldnít figure out how to delete it from my messages, so he just deleted our whole conversation. Then he brought my phone back in the room, went and jacked off to the OTHER girlís pic (even though he also had mine..) and then came and kissed me and went to work. What would you do if this happened to you? How upset would you be? I feel really upset and unattractive to him right now... I had a c/s with our second baby 4 months ago.. and then for him to do that, I just feel terrible. I donít know how to feel about this situation. I donít know if I am overreacting or not in being upset. Please give me opinions 😭

  2. #2
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    What I find odd is the fact he felt the urge to get ahold of those photos on your phone. I donít see why he felt the need to be so sneaky he could have just asked or told you what he wants.

    With that being said was this done out of malicious intent, no I seriously doubt it. I just think he acted stupidly. I would prod him more and talk about why he did what he did. Communication is key.

    You wonít get far guessing.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Seems odd to me that he would go through your phone for one particular photo of a girl to relieve himself to. Does he know her and this was an old throw back feeling? With the prevalence of porn on the web, trawling through your phone for a random set of photos for a sly fap seems strange.

    As Limichelle suggests, I don't think there was malicious intent. So, talk to him about what happened and the just try to forget it, he will be embarrassed already.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been married? Have you considered marriage therapy? How is your romance/sex life? Rifling through your phone for whatever reason is a breach of trust. He story sounds fishy. He can look at any sort of porn to get off. Why rifle through your phone?
    Originally Posted by damnedifido
    I saw all of our messages were deleted... he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didnít know why. So he took my phone and looked at everyoneís pics... then he proceeded to send and save the pic of me and one other girl to himself.

    I feel really upset and unattractive to him right now... I had a c/s with our second baby 4 months ago..

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  6. #5
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    Very strange. Also kind of strange that you'd risk sending those kinds of photos over text. Does he typically watch porn?

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    I was in a group chat with a few girls from my high school & we all sent topless pics as like body positive, whatever. My husband knew the chat was on my phone but never knew what was in it.. he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didnít know why.
    But we all know why. He probably has the hots for your friend and woke up aroused and went hunting for nude material of her to jerk off to, he knew it was in there. Probably had been fantasizing about it for years.

    Iím not surprised you feel the way that you do. But Iím also surprised with how forthcoming he was about a lot of that. Itís nasty though, itís one thing to use pornographic material of strangers, but his own wifeís friend? No class, and disrespectful.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why would he delete messages to you if he wanted to look at pics? it sounds like he sent you something in error. His story makes no sense and it sounds like he asked his friends to come up with some excuse. How is the marriage? Are you afraid he's having affairs? There is often a huge uptick in infidelity during pregnancy and in the postnatal period. It's doubtful he deleted your conversations because he had to look at pics.
    Originally Posted by damnedifido
    I saw all of our messages were deleted.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Gosh. This does not seem normal to me at all. The sneaky-ness if it. Then he couldn't figure iut how to delete the forwarded messages??

    that is BS. If you own a phone, you know how to delete.

    I'm so turned off... he forwarded private pics of a friend EW!

    I know you're married with kids and probally need to figure this all out and go on... but dag, girl.... what is going in with him?

    I think there is way more to this than his innocent I needed jerk off material.

    Don't be naive....

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think you all sharing naked pics of yourselves with each other is quite odd, not to mention then keeping those in your phone. Since your hubby knew all about it, my best guess is he has probably spent the past 1.5 years building up all kinds of fantasies about that chat and those pics and finally acted on it so to speak. I very much doubt that he just woke up and had this idea.

    Does it make it OK? No. Weird? Very. Lesson in don't share nudes online...yup... Now you have a mess to deal with. All I can say is talk to hubby and try to sort this out. I really hope he didn't send those to any of his buddies. People do some incredibly dumb stuff.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by MaybeThen
    But we all know why. He probably has the hots for your friend and woke up aroused and went hunting for nude material of her to jerk off to, he knew it was in there. Probably had been fantasizing about it for years.

    Iím not surprised you feel the way that you do. But Iím also surprised with how forthcoming he was about a lot of that. Itís nasty though, itís one thing to use pornographic material of strangers, but his own wifeís friend? No class, and disrespectful.
    ^ Agreed. This is ALL kind of disrespectful. Doing that with a spouse's friend? Not cool at ALL. I agree something extra fishy is going on here.

    IMVHO, it goes beyond what he told you. He lied to you about taking your phone and who knows what else he was looking for. He is majorly violating trust and respectful boundaries.

    You need to have a conversation beyond what he told you. Ask him how he'd feel if you were doing the same thing with a pic of HIS friend.

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