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Thread: Please help with this confusing guy!!!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2020

    Please help with this confusing guy!!!

    Last year I met a guy who I felt I had a great connection with and he admitted he really liked me.

    We were both living in the same city at the time, so it was easy to see him. Unfortunately, after a few dates, I had to move home for unforeseen reasons, and we decided that we could not do a long-distance relationship.

    Six months passed before I contacted him again to stay in touch as I was moving back to the city. I asked if he wanted to meet for a drink, thinking that if he had a girlfriend, he would say no and that it was inappropriate.

    He did respond and said that he was with someone now but would still like to meet me as long as his girlfriend was ok with it, but he did sound enthusiastic.

    What shall I make of his intentions? Does he want to be friends, or does he still like me? We werenít friends before, we were dating, so his wanting to meet up has confused me! I donít want to get involved with a love triangle!

    Please can you give me your opinion on how he feels? I would really appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Most likely he will bring his girlfriend.

    I certainly hope he isn't setting up to cheat on his girlfriend or ditch her for you. I presume you wouldn't want this either.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    I wouldn't worry so much about what he's thinking. What are you thinking?

    Given the situation you get to choose whether or not you want to just be his friend and if by chance he's thinking of mixing things up, do you want to be a part of that?

    From where I sit, you have two choices.
    No point in trying to read his mind.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    That he is okay being friends with you, but that's probably where it ends for him. Heck, he might even be hoping you cancel when you realize he isn't single so he can duck out without feeling awkward about it.

    I was recently in this guy's shoes, with the difference being I had not seen or spoken to this person from my past in a long time. He happens to be passing through the city where I now live and randomly messaged me and wanted to meet for a drink. I was honest and told him I've been in a relationship for the last few years, but could catch up over a quick coffee. (And yes, my partner knows and is fine with it.) Honestly, I'm not bothered if he doesn't want to meet up anymore. If yes, cool, but it will be strictly platonic. If not, no skin off my back. I have a feeling this guy you're talking about is probably feeling the same way. If you're looking for more, I wouldn't meet him unless and until he is single.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    It would feel too awkward for both of you given that you were dating before.

    He has a girlfriend so he should focus and concentrate on her. Both of you should respect his girlfriend and his relationship with her.

    Sooner or later, his girlfriend will disapprove of his chumminess with you so you might as well yield to her now.

    Leave him alone. Don't bother.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 02-26-2020 at 09:04 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    He probably likes the attention. His intentions mean nothing, because he might not even have any. You invited him. How is he confusing? He said he dates someone.

    I would cancel.

    Like why bother? Do you really want to hear about his gf? Do you really want to be friends?

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    He has a girlfriend, therefore that's all you need to know. That's a can of worms that's best left unopened.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    When you relocate, join some groups, clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses and get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and pics. Leave this guy alone, it's over and he has a gf.
    Originally Posted by Mia8xxx
    He did respond and said that he was with someone now but would still like to meet me as long as his girlfriend was ok with it, but he did sound enthusiastic.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    What shall I make of his intentions? Does he want to be friends, or does he still like me?
    Serious question: Are you being intentionally obtuse? Surely you have enough personal boundaries in place to tell this man that you will not meet him since he has a girlfriend and the only reason you wanted to meet him was to see if you could start back up where you left off. He has a girlfriend so stay away from him and focus on single men in the area that are available morally to be your date.

    Good for him for mentioning his girlfriend. I suspect he was seeing if you were reputable enough to back away knowing that. If you just want to meet up platonically then ask him to include his girlfriend and make sure you include her in on the conversation. Simple.

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