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Thread: Girl from the internet. Gaining her interest again [21F] [19W]

  1. #1
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    Girl from the internet. Gaining her interest again [21F] [19W]

    At the beginning I would like to say that I have read several entries from other users and compared to those entries, mine may be a little unusual, but I note that this is a serious question, not any trolling. I'm really looking for advice.

    We met in an online game, initially we didn't talk much in private, but when we started - we couldn't stop. In time, we started talking in voice chat. We "got closer" very quickly, everybody noticed that and joked that we spent whole days together. After some time (I don't remember who started it), we started to say "my love", "sweetheart" or other such terms in our native languages ​​and of course English. I know what you might think, two stupid teenagers fall in love over the internet, but I assure you that there was a feeling here, I am sure about that. We talked about the meeting, but of course there was one small problem - the distance that separates us. We are almost 2000 kilometers apart, so it would be a big expense for studying teenagers. Personally, I really wanted to meet her, but I knew that this would not be possible. Over time, we began to talk a little less, but I do not know if it is the fault of one of us or that we had a lot of exams. It is not so "sweet" anymore, we are still writing to each other, only less often. I think she might have lost some interest in me. I also know that he writes with another guy, and that meeting new people is interesting, that's probably also a reason. It may seem that the situation is getting worse, but I think there are chances to do something more here. About 3 weeks ago she asked me about universities in my country (erasmus), but not in the city where I live. We talked about my country and then she said "When I get there, you'd better meet me or I'll kill you." Recently things have gone even better because there were some problems with deadlines to that city and the city where I live appeared on the list, so if she chose them we could meet very often for several months, and that's enough time to create a relationship, or to see if we fit together at all. She has a few weeks to choose the country, so during this time I would like to get close to her again and somehow relate to old times to be sure she will choose me. I wanted to add that I have a good friend who is a also a friend of her and even that guy she is talking now to, so I could ask him to get some infos maybe.



    TLR:
    I was close with a girl who lives almost 2,000 kilometers away. We wrote a lot, talked, called each other love. Unfortunately, recently (probably) because of the lack of time associated with exams, and with the fact that she began to write with another guy, we have less contact, but it still is. Soon he will choose the city to go to erasmus. The city where I live is on the list. I would like to refer to old times and increase the chances that he will choose this city.

    Could you help me? I will really be grateful.

    Also sorry for my bad english skills.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    She is a 21 year old female and you are a 19 year old woman? You put 21 (F) 19 (W).

    I'm just trying to get more context.

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    You're getting ahead of yourself with this one, OP.

    You want her to "pick" you by choosing to do her Erasmus in your city. What if you two don't get along at all in person, or if you feel no chemistry? You would then be stuck with feeling like she came there for you. Or, she might not feel the chemistry and then be resentful she altered her study plans to accommodate someone she's not compatible with.

    The wisest thing to do is to meet in person beforehand (which is difficult, I realize, but that's a risk you're taking trying to strike up a relationship with someone so far away) and not put any pressure on her to choose to study where you are. She needs to make that decision on her own, independent of you. Understand that she might not give up talking to this other guy even if she does select your city.

    I personally think this is a big gamble. She is young, and studying abroad is life-changing for many. It is not a great time to hope for a serious commitment from someone who essentially has the world at her fingertips.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get away from the game console and get involved in real life. Interact with real people. You are getting wrapped up in video games and imaginary people and "relationships". Focus on schoolwork, college, sports, hobbies, interests and dating real life girls.
    Originally Posted by lenitto
    3 weeks ago she asked me about universities in my country (erasmus), but not in the city where I live.I was close with a girl who lives almost 2,000 kilometers away. Soon he will choose the city to go to erasmus.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She is a 21 year old female and you are a 19 year old woman? You put 21 (F) 19 (W).
    She is 19yo(20 in couple months) and I am 21(22)yo man. Sorry, didn't notice that.



    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    .
    You want her to "pick" you by choosing to do her Erasmus in your city. What if you two don't get along at all in person, or if you feel no chemistry? You would then be stuck with feeling like she came there for you. Or, she might not feel the chemistry and then be resentful she altered her study plans to accommodate someone she's not compatible with.
    Yeah, that's true, but at the beggining she wanted to go anywhere, just to be with her friend(girl too). But then came the matter with deadlines and they can't be together anymore. When I asked her If she will be alone, she said no, there will be some ppl from my uni. So if there really would be some of her uni colleagues it wouldn't be that bad, right?



    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get away from the game console and get involved in real life. Interact with real people. You are getting wrapped up in video games and imaginary people and "relationships". Focus on schoolwork, college, sports, hobbies, interests and dating real life girls.
    I tried... but she is really great person. It is hard for me to just let it go
    Last edited by lenitto; 02-17-2020 at 05:53 AM.

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    So have you been video chatting as well? Like, you've seen her on camera? I agree that it might be better for her just to visit your country or you to visit her country. Maybe you could get a loan or your parents can lend you some money so you can afford the trip? I think it's extremely important to spend some time together in person. Moving to your country would be a huge and expensive thing for this girl. If it didn't work out between you I think she'd be really heartbroken and disappointed that she moved.

    The thing is that you need to know if you have any actual romantic chemistry. Like, if you're physically and sexually attracted to each other. I'm not even saying you need to have sex necessarily, but at least attraction and kissing. And just to really feel the other person's "vibes". I know of many cases where people had an online relationship and then it wasn't the same in person.

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    Originally Posted by lenitto
    Yeah, that's true, but at the beggining she wanted to go anywhere, just to be with her friend(girl too). But then came the matter with deadlines and they can't be together anymore. When I asked her If she will be alone, she said no, there will be some ppl from my uni. So if there really would be some of her uni colleagues it wouldn't be that bad, right?
    It is too hard to predict now. It would be better that she isn't entirely on her own, so she wouldn't hypothetically depend on you too much, but it's also not the most important part of this equation.

    The bigger problem is that you have no idea if you two would even get along well in person. Is there any possible way for you two to meet any time in the near future?

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    So have you been video chatting as well? Like, you've seen her on camera? I agree that it might be better for her just to visit your country or you to visit her country. Maybe you could get a loan or your parents can lend you some money so you can afford the trip? I think it's extremely important to spend some time together in person. Moving to your country would be a huge and expensive thing for this girl. If it didn't work out between you I think she'd be really heartbroken and disappointed that she moved.
    The thing is that you need to know if you have any actual romantic chemistry. Like, if you're physically and sexually attracted to each other. I'm not even saying you need to have sex necessarily, but at least attraction and kissing. And just to really feel the other person's "vibes". I know of many cases where people had an online relationship and then it wasn't the same in person.
    No, we didn't seen each other on camera live. None of us ever talked about video chatting I guess.



    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    It is too hard to predict now. It would be better that she isn't entirely on her own, so she wouldn't hypothetically depend on you too much, but it's also not the most important part of this equation.

    The bigger problem is that you have no idea if you two would even get along well in person. Is there any possible way for you two to meet any time in the near future?
    + @Tinydance
    You are right when I think about it, there is a chance we won't like each other that much in person, would be really bad for her and I don't really want to hurt her feelings... About meeting, I don't think there is a chance we could meet in the near future(atlest for now, something may happen and maybe we will be able to meet). But as I said in first post I think she may lost some interest in my person and I don't think she would choose my country just to meet me right now. On the other hand, we were listening to music on discord today and she started to say some words in my language that I taught her back then, she were asking how to pronounce them, what is the difference between some letters etc. She said something like "i might come to your country so i should know the basics", and we dind't really talk about it for some time so I think that some people will come with her. What do you think about it guys? Also Is there a way to get her interest back?

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    Originally Posted by lenitto
    No, we didn't seen each other on camera live. None of us ever talked about video chatting I guess.





    + @Tinydance
    You are right when I think about it, there is a chance we won't like each other that much in person, would be really bad for her and I don't really want to hurt her feelings... About meeting, I don't think there is a chance we could meet in the near future(atlest for now, something may happen and maybe we will be able to meet). But as I said in first post I think she may lost some interest in my person and I don't think she would choose my country just to meet me right now. On the other hand, we were listening to music on discord today and she started to say some words in my language that I taught her back then, she were asking how to pronounce them, what is the difference between some letters etc. She said something like "i might come to your country so i should know the basics", and we dind't really talk about it for some time so I think that some people will come with her. What do you think about it guys? Also Is there a way to get her interest back?
    Look I understand you're young but you're not actually a teenager, you are 22 years old. I think you're acting a bit naive to be honest. It's OK to have an online FRIEND but if you want it to be a relationship, you really need to be more careful. If you've never even seen this girl on camera then how do you know she really looks like that? Her pictures could be fake, gained weight, whatever. There are plenty of fakes and catfish online. Most people probably aren't but yes some are!

    This happened to my old housemate. She's a lesbian and she spent like a year talking online to a "hot" girl. She was sending her gifts and everything. Then finally they met in person and that girl was a fake! She stole another girl's photos. Which my housemate even later found who the real girl was! The actual girl was fat and ugly and also lots of other things she said were lies.

    How can you think of asking her to move all the way to your country when you've never even seen her and she's never seen you? You guys have no idea if you're really attracted to each other. All you know is you like talking to each other. Yeah she's into gaming but that doesn't mean you're compatible. Thousands of people are into gaming.

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    If you've never even seen this girl on camera then how do you know she really looks like that? Her pictures could be fake, gained weight, whatever. There are plenty of fakes and catfish online. Most people probably aren't but yes some are!

    How can you think of asking her to move all the way to your country when you've never even seen her and she's never seen you? You guys have no idea if you're really attracted to each other. All you know is you like talking to each other. Yeah she's into gaming but that doesn't mean you're compatible. Thousands of people are into gaming.

    Yes, I know she may be fake or something, but to be honest - I don't think so. I could make a huge list of things that shows. Thank you for worrying about me, but there is nothing to be worry about

    I didn't ever ask her to choose my country for erasmus. I will tell you more, when she first time asked me to tell her about university(that one in city I don't live in) I told her to choose other country. Also I don't force her to do that now. Maybe my help request was misinterpreted... First of all I want to get her interest back, I want her to care about me as she cared before and then maybe help her to select a city for erasmus, but not by forcing her or something

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