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Thread: Is it over with this girl?

  1. #1
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    Is it over with this girl?

    I'm 24 and have zero social life. I'm a journalist at a newspaper. I do have friends but I hardly visit them. I am shy and don't talk much and when I do talk, I'm really soft and people need me to repeat what I say at least a couple of times. I do feel lonely, but I love sport. I literally spend all my weekends and spare time at home either watching sport/TV or playing on my laptop. That helps me deal with my loneliness. I don't have good hygiene (which no one notices) because I don't have the energy to look after myself well. The only girls I see are in the office. There's a new girl in the office for a couple of weeks now, which I like. I think she gave me small opportunities to work with, but I'm not a good conversation and remained silent. Maybe she flirted very slightly with me on Wednesday and Thursday, but she gave me nothing on Friday.

    Do you think I'll be alone forever?

  2. #2
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    I get feeling lonely and shy but you need to help yourself because these are not things others can change for you.

    There is no excuse for poor hygiene. You acknowledge it's poor but claim no-one notices. I bet they do! Have a shower when you get up - how can you not have energy for something so basic?

  3. #3
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    This topic isn't about a girl in the office it should be about you.


    If you don't have the energy to show I'd recommend seeing a doctor. You may have depression from your social anxiety.

    Once that is worked out then You need to start forcing. Yourself out your comfort zone. No one else can help you. Only you. If you want change you have to bring it about yourself. Be more social with everyone, not just females.

    As you love sports so much why not join a local team or club once your energy levels are up.

    The good news is at 24 you are still young and time is on your side. In 2 years time your life can be flipped around and you can be a vastly improved you and still only be 26!

    Dont focus on romance for now. Focus on you.

  4. #4
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    Looking at a screen won’t help your loneliness, it will make it grow greater. The way to cure loneliness is to have hobbies, interests and passions. These will activate your life, improve your general outlook and get you interacting with more people. Also, be sure to have enough respect for yourself to take care of basic hygiene. If you can’t care for yourself, no one else is going to care for you either. Love yourself more and treat yourself well.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to get to a doctor for an evaluation and a therapist. What do mean by poor hygiene and not enough energy to look after yourself? People do notice so get in the shower, take care of your teeth/breath and wear clean clothes to work. Step away from the TV and screen and get evaluated for depression or other things that could cause this inertia, lassitude and personal neglect.
    Originally Posted by Hopelessnick
    I don't have good hygiene (which no one notices) because I don't have the energy to look after myself well.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hopelessnick
    I'm 24 and have zero social life. I'm a journalist at a newspaper. I do have friends but I hardly visit them. I am shy and don't talk much and when I do talk, I'm really soft and people need me to repeat what I say at least a couple of times. I do feel lonely, but I love sport. I literally spend all my weekends and spare time at home either watching sport/TV or playing on my laptop. That helps me deal with my loneliness. I don't have good hygiene (which no one notices) because I don't have the energy to look after myself well. The only girls I see are in the office. There's a new girl in the office for a couple of weeks now, which I like. I think she gave me small opportunities to work with, but I'm not a good conversation and remained silent. Maybe she flirted very slightly with me on Wednesday and Thursday, but she gave me nothing on Friday.

    Do you think I'll be alone forever?
    The short answer is YES. Because that is what you seem to want.

    People who want things in the world work to get them. All the things I have highlighted above are holding you back and are a recipe for the loneliness that you are feeling. You say, 'I'm lonely' and my answer would be 'Stop sitting in a small box in the corner of a room sealed off from everyone else', and you say 'But I'm shy' and I would say 'stop making excuses for yourself and being lazy, find some methods of self improvement and get out in the world and go get some friends and relationships,' and you say 'but I don't know how'... Well, identify all of the issues and find ways to change them, one by one.

    You make who you are and who you want to be.

  8. #7
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    BTW, everyone notices your poor hygiene, especially women. You need to talk to your doctor, you are having severe problems that require help.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    If you don't want to be alone, you have to try.

    You probably do need a doctor to talk about depression.... it can sneak up on you and isolating yourself is not helpful.

    A regular hygiene routine is important. Its self care at the most basic level... taking a quick shower, wearing freshly laundered clothes, brushing your teeth, using mints and deodorant feels good!

    There have been times in my life, when I had to work with guys that had less than good hygiene. And I can tell you, people notice and its more than just a annoyance... its totally gross to have to work next to the person. Furthermore, as a manager, I've had to tell someone that the office is complaining about their hygiene. Ugh...

    Make a commitment to yourself to start showering more. Look into groups like toast masters... its a international organization for public speaking, but it helps build all kinds of confidence.

    No one can do this for you. Good luck.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone, when the hygiene slides, and you isolate yourself, that is a sure sign of depression and anxiety. Work with a therapist. There are some good books/videos by Dr. Amen that could get you started. He focuses on retraining your brain, with therapy, exercise and changes to your diet. These things in turn boost energy and confidence that will change your behavior to be more productive, happy. You can catch some of his stuff on youtube.

  11. #10
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    OK, how can you work effectively as a journalist of you have poor social skills and poor hygiene?

    I would think that scenario would make it hard to function.

    It is probably catching up to you as you are getting depressed.

    I agree with the others.

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