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Thread: Someone “not ready to date” again

  1. #41
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    Apr 2018
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like you are watching way too many dating guru and pickup artist videos and the entire game is turning women off.

    Anyone is 'ready to date' someone they have chemistry and attraction with. It doesn't matter the excuse.

    You are getting dates and something in your behavior on or between dates is putting women off. No one is ready for 1,2,3, etc dates then suddenly 'not ready'.
    I don’t subscribe to that kind of thing, which is why I always have an ample supply of dates.

    My only strategy is to be my goofy ol’ self, treat people how I wanted to be treated, and try to have fun along the way.

    I don’t think sending one or less texts/day, or going on 1-2 dates/week with someone your dating is coming on too strong.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What might be helpful to you when wading through the murky waters of meeting all kinds of people via OLD is turning around the perspective. Rather than getting into the whole all kinds of women are different and how do I figure out what this stranger in front of me wants - a road to madness if you think about it - focus instead on how you want your ideal partner to behave and then drop the rest who don't act that way.

    Figure out who it is you want and focus on that rather than trying to please all sorts. You define what qualities you want to see from the get go and then focus your efforts on women who bring that to the table from the get go. No wasting time and effort investing in potential and what if maybe she will warm up to me three months from now.... Just don't.
    Well done! I like it

  3. #43
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Here’s a little thought experiment:

    Think of everyone you’ve met over the course of your life—men and women—and then think of how many you’ve decided were worth your time and emotional energy. The number is likely tiny, and that’s not because you were “using” those people for a little boost, or because you deemed them “inadequate” by your standards of humanity. They just were...not your people.

    The world of dating? It will only heighten all that and narrow the margins, since people are approaching strangers with a more specific criteria. This is a good thing, as it would be a very strange world if everyone, even the majority, of people you met wanted to be with you. People are simply too beautifully complex to fit with that many people.

    Anyhow, I’ll say it again for good measure: I think you could use a place in your life that is independent of women that allows your ego to let loose and your self-worth to shine. You’re getting lots of dates, as you said, and as documented in other threads you’re not exactly starved for intimacy. But it seems you do take it very personally when a woman is not into you, which makes me think a bit too much of your personhood is connected to the idea of what women think of you.

    While I totally get how crushing it is when something goes south after a month or six, to say nothing of years, I think it’s generally on us humans, if we’re wanting to date, to be in a place where we can take a loss after one to three dates. Ironically, it tends to make for attractive humans, that attitude, which improves the chances out there in the dating casino.

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