Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 12 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 114

Thread: Highly emotional after Valentines Day

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,205
    Gender
    Male
    I just took a little spin through an older thread of yours about movies—or, specifically, about your struggles with differentiating between fantasy and reality. I get that that was six years ago, but I can't help but feel some of those synapses are firing right now in ways that are making it hard to see straight.

    Let's try to write down the actual story, shall we, without the sparkles?

    Eleven days ago, on Valentine's Day, Chirstian came over to hang and hookup, but there was a sweet little click between you two. You ran with that pretty hard, he kind of ran with it, for a moment, before slowing way down. He explained that he didn't want to be your boyfriend, that he said the big things "on a whim," and that what he'd like is to just go on some dates and see what's what.

    That is real life, yours, as it exists. Not the movie in your mind.

    Clicks are fun, delicious, and sometimes, very rarely, the beginnings of relationships. Is this one such click? The only way to know is to accept that you have no idea and no control. None! That is the part that makes it better than the movies, since, c'mon, we always know how the movie is going to end. Also, in case you need a reminder: those people in movies are just very pretty people who are saying pretty words written by people who are not pretty enough to be on screens.

    And the other only way to find out? It's to respect what Christian is telling you more than what you want to hear, and then be honest—with yourself, so you can be honest with him—about whether or not you've got it in you to ease off the throttle.

    Christian, along with you and Christian—right now both those things are approximately 90 percent generated by your imagination, and 10 percent in reality. Dating is about letting in more reality, with the hope that it is better, and bigger, than what the imagination can produce. If that's the case a few months from now, terrific. If it's not the case? Well, equally terrific. Means Christian, great as he is, is not great for you.

    Christian, it seems, is genuinely curious to see about all that. Are you?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,984
    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    I did. He and I agreed we both got excited after seeing other after awhile.


    Omg I can’t thank you enough for saying this!! Whew, this made me feel soooo much better! #BigHug


    I wouldn’t say I’m insecure. As I said, he and I both got ahead of ourselves, he just realized it before I did.

    What do u mean by flighty?
    Good that you sincerely apologized for impulsively saying, "Forget it." I'm glad.

    You're welcome. Yeah, play acting is just in front of the camera and yes, everyone ages and grows old including Christian, you and everyone on the face of this planet.

    Well, yes, you come off as insecure when you initially told him, "Forget it" and then regretted it later. Flighty meaning changing your mind. First you declined his offer to slow down, then told him to "Forget it," then had misgivings after you had time to stew over it. Think before you speak and write to Christian and he will be more receptive to develop a meaningful, hopefully long term relationship with you.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,543
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. It sounds very one-sided. It seems he wants a casual thing and you already "made it official on FB". Try not to get hurt when he pushes back even further. Is there a reason you need to 'make it official' on social media even though he's not on board with it?
    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    I even made it Facebook official.
    he told me he'd rather take it slowly I didn't agree with that idea.
    I told him, "We get along fine, we don't need to wait a few months to know it."

  4. #24
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    New England
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,784
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    With all due respect, you are perceived as controlling and wanting to call all the shots.

    If you wish to keep Christian in your life, yes, you should sincerely apologize for impulsively saying, "Forget it." Never give ultimatums otherwise the other person will call your bluff and you'll live to regret it.

    Separate your movie watching from real life. Christian will age and grow old just like the actor and everyone else. Actors are just acting and then the director says, "Cut!" Be realistic.

    Puppy love is short term infatuation and when boredom sets in breakup occurs. If you want enduring love, take it slow and don't rush nor be in a hurry.

    If Christian wishes to take it slow, take him up on his offer and take it slow otherwise the deal is off the table.

    Christian is wise for taking it slow. He's remaining cautious with you for good reason. The vibe everyone is getting including Christian is that you're very flighty and insecure which is enough to scare anyone away!
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. It sounds very one-sided. It seems he wants a casual thing and you already "made it official on FB". Try not to get hurt when he pushes back even further. Is there a reason you need to 'make it official' on social media even though he's not on board with it?
    As I said, he agreed to be my boyfriend when he visited that second time. So I went on Facebook and made it official, it seemed like the right thing to do since he agreed.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,419
    Gender
    Female
    Ok, but FB doesn’t make anything official. What makes things official is two people agreeing, but people can change their minds.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,822
    Gender
    Female
    Sorry maybe I'm just jaded because of all my bad dating experiences, but to be honest it sounds like you're wearing rose coloured glasses and you're like a lovesick teenager. First of all I don't understand how Christian all of a sudden just became "Your dream man". I mean, sure, he may be more mature because he's older, but people don't ultimately just change all of a sudden and become ideal and so on.

    Also yes I get it, he looks like that actor. But he's not that actor or that character from the movies. He's just an ordinary person. So you don't need to idolize him.

    Also you are actually quite full-on. You have never been in an actual relationship with him before so why not see how it goes first? The second he agreed to date, you made it Facebook official? Don't you think that's super fast? You didn't even date at all at that point, you only agreed to date. That's putting the cart before the horse.

    Also just my personal opinion, but I think you should be careful and not fall in love with Christian too fast. It sounds like maybe you're more invested in him than he is in you. Because he was happy to just have sex for six months without commitment. If he wanted to date then wouldn't he have done that before? It's more you chasing him than him chasing you.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,543
    Gender
    Male
    Ok it's on there to impress your friends and feel good, however he's already pumping the brakes. That's fine but since you are full-speed ahead, it's unilateral and he's trying to backpedal, slow it down etc be prepared to take it easy. How old is he?
    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    I went on Facebook and made it official, it seemed like the right thing to do since he agreed.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,386
    Please stop saying "New Christian" -it's not fair to him or any person - sure people can change even dramatically but please respect that he is not some new person -he is the person you knew who chose to make some changes. Because if you see the "old" Christian as you hang out with him more you're going to come crashing down and it's not fair to him.

    Also no I'd never put something on Facebook like that without the other person's permission -and it sounds like a lot of form over substance to me.

  10. #29
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    New England
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,784
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok it's on there to impress your friends and feel good, however he's already pumping the brakes. That's fine but since you are full-speed ahead, it's unilateral and he's trying to backpedal, slow it down etc be prepared to take it easy. How old is he?
    He turns 34 next week.

  11. #30
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    New England
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,784
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Also no I'd never put something on Facebook like that without the other person's permission -and it sounds like a lot of form over substance to me.
    Had he not agreed to be my bf I would not have put it on Facebook. Since he agreed I figured it was ok.

Page 3 of 12 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •