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Thread: Highly emotional after Valentines Day

  1. #111
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    That already happened.
    Is this a reference to his stepping away from the Facebook official moment, or something that happened since? I think what people are trying to communicate to is that this whole situation with Christian, so long as you continue to indulge it, is a path toward some very real pain of the sort that will make that Valentine's Day sting seem like a mosquito bite.

  2. #112
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Is this a reference to his stepping away from the Facebook official moment, or something that happened since? I think what people are trying to communicate to is that this whole situation with Christian, so long as you continue to indulge it, is a path toward some very real pain of the sort that will make that Valentine's Day sting seem like a mosquito bite.
    When he broke up with me that weekend, Id say it was a big wake-up call to not get too invested in Christian; and for him, it was a wake-up call to not deny your feelings too much.

    Either way, Id say it worked.

  3. #113
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    Either way, Id say it worked.
    I hope so, I do, but I can't help but think "working" in this story is going to be more about learning a hard lesson.

    The text from him that you shared? If you were my friend, out in the real world, and you showed me that my response would be: Tulip, this is an emotionally volatile, foggy, manipulative guy who wants to have his cake (you) and eat it too (Nicole). As your friend, I would tell you that it makes me sad to see you pining for a man who is dangling a relationship before your eyes like a carrot on a stick, but not as sad as it makes me to see you jumping for the carrot.

    And as a friend who is just a little older than youI'm 40what I'd say is this: You are no longer in college, and you will be 40 sooner than you know. Is this collegiate, triangular stuff how you want to enter the beautiful, fertile time that is the dawn of middle age? I'd encourage you to really have a think on that. Because if you were crushed about the withdrawal from Facebook officialdom, you are going to be devastated when all this goes south, and it will be the tornado of that devastation that will define you as your 30s give way to your 40s.

    So, some free cake from me. Eat all the pieces, or ignore them, as you see fit.

  4. #114
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I hope so, I do, but I can't help but think "working" in this story is going to be more about learning a hard lesson.

    The text from him that you shared? If you were my friend, out in the real world, and you showed me that my response would be: Tulip, this is an emotionally volatile, foggy, manipulative guy who wants to have his cake (you) and eat it too (Nicole). As your friend, I would tell you that it makes me sad to see you pining for a man who is dangling a relationship before your eyes like a carrot on a stick, but not as sad as it makes me to see you jumping for the carrot.

    And as a friend who is just a little older than youI'm 40what I'd say is this: You are no longer in college, and you will be 40 sooner than you know. Is this collegiate, triangular stuff how you want to enter the beautiful, fertile time that is the dawn of middle age? I'd encourage you to really have a think on that. Because if you were crushed about the withdrawal from Facebook officialdom, you are going to be devastated when all this goes south, and it will be the tornado of that devastation that will define you as your 30s give way to your 40s.

    So, some free cake from me. Eat all the pieces, or ignore them, as you see fit.
    I agree although I think the OP thrives to an extent on the drama which also protects her from actually having to be close to or commit to someone.

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  6. #115
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I agree although I think the OP thrives to an extent on the drama which also protects her from actually having to be close to or commit to someone.
    This comment has me confused. What do you mean that you think drama is protecting me?

  7. #116
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    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    This comment has me confused. What do you mean that you think drama is protecting me?
    Oh because if you get caught up in drama -or create drama like if you chose to tell Christian you drove by your ex's house -the drama typically results in pushing people away who may have wanted to be close to you. Also then people confuse the highs and lows of drama with being excited about a person when in reality the excitement is over the challenge, the push pull -so if the drama goes away, the person gets bored with the actual person. But a person who is excited about being with another person - without the need for drama - that's the stuff of true closeness. Closeness can be scary because it requires vulnerability.

  8. #117
    Gold Member TulipWriter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh because if you get caught up in drama -or create drama like if you chose to tell Christian you drove by your ex's house -the drama typically results in pushing people away who may have wanted to be close to you. Also then people confuse the highs and lows of drama with being excited about a person when in reality the excitement is over the challenge, the push pull -so if the drama goes away, the person gets bored with the actual person. But a person who is excited about being with another person - without the need for drama - that's the stuff of true closeness. Closeness can be scary because it requires vulnerability.
    Hmm, tough to understand. But I kind of get it.

  9. #118
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    Originally Posted by TulipWriter
    Hmm, tough to understand. But I kind of get it.
    OK so think of it this way. If you truly want to commit to and be close to another person you have to have that combination of chemistry and passion and friendship -often inextricably intertwined. But if the excitement comes mainly from the push and pull of drama - whether you create it or in your case because he also is into someone else he has sex with - then you're not really excited about the person. Your excitement is fueled by the thrill of the chase especially if the person acts unavailable or emotionally distant. Were that person to then be available emotionally and physically and all the rest you'd risk getting really bored. Because you were never excited about the person -you never put your energy into knowing the person -you put it into how to "get" the person to like you.

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