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Thread: My ex-boyfriend wonít stop hitting on my best friend/roommate. What do I do?

  1. #1
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    My ex-boyfriend wonít stop hitting on my best friend/roommate. What do I do?

    To try to make a long story as short as possible, my ex-boyfriend and I, who had been together for almost a year, broke up about a month ago. The reason we broke up is because he contacted my best friend/roommate and tried to hook up with her while I was studying abroad in Europe (oh, and he did it on our 11-month anniversary too, but thatís beside the point.) Needless to say, she called me and told me everything when it happened, I severed all contact with him immediately, and I havenít spoken to him since. I had thought that that would be the end of it, but now I am back in the USA and living with my roommate again for the rest of the school year. Last night she casually mentioned to me that my ex has been Snapchatting her to have casual conversations and she made it sound like she had been responding to him too. This took me by surprise because she hadnít told me anything about this until now. It just doesnít sit right with me that my best friend, who my ex-boyfriend tried to cheat on me with, is entertaining his advances on her at all. I am honestly quite pissed off that she didnít tell me about this when it happened and has been so secretive and nonchalant about it. I was kind of in too much shock to ask many questions about it at the time but it hasnít stopped bothering me since. I donít know how to approach the situation now because I feel like Iím not going to be able to stay friends with her if this keeps happening. Itís just too hurtful for me to be constantly hearing about him trying to get with her, especially when she is being shady and communicating with him behind my back. I know the mature thing to do is to just ignore it and move on with my life but itís just hard for me to do when I am feeling so disrespected like this. What should I do now? I am really terrible with confrontation and I hate drama but I donít think I can stand to keep putting myself in this toxic environment for the next four months. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Sadly both this exbf and your friend sound like a couple of snakes. It it possible to delete both of them and all their people from all your social media and messaging apps? Avoid this roommate until you can arrange to move out. Do not confide in her and be out as often as possible. Make a better class of friends.
    Originally Posted by StarKitten
    broke up about a month ago. The reason we broke up is because he contacted my best friend/roommate and tried to hook up with her while I was studying abroad in Europe. It just doesnít sit right with me that my best friend, who my ex-boyfriend tried to cheat on me with, is entertaining his advances on her at all.

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    This girl is not really a friend to you.

    She was right to inform you that he had tried to cheat with her, yes. But the continued, secretive communication makes me wonder if she was motivated to tell you so that you would dump him and she could have a go with him. I also wonder why she would tell you they've been in touch unless she wanted to feel out your reaction to them getting closer.

    Either way? It's time to start looking for a new roommate. Otherwise you might one morning find them in the kitchen making coffee together in their pajamas.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think before you jump off the deep end assuming the worst, verify that your assumptions are actually correct, aka talk to your friend more and clarify what is all going on there. Be sure that you are cool and calm when you do this.

    If it turns out that your assumptions were correct, then you know this girl is a friend to no one, least of all herself. Think about it, if she is willing to get involved with a cheater, how low is her self worth? It's almost comically pathetic. Rather than being angry, I'd be pitying her. Either way, I'd end the friendship, treat her as arms length roommate/stranger and move on out as soon as the lease is out. It's a case of you can't fix stupid and you shouldn't waste any personal mental space or energy on either of them. Better to focus on your studies, other friends, hobbies, parties, etc, etc, etc than two losers.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I have a saying. . that stray cats don't come around unless someone is feeding them
    Someone is feeding this cat, or he'd grow weary from being shut down and go elsewhere.
    Why is it he's still coming around? That would be a question for your best friend.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree with Reinvent, your best friend isn't being honest with you. This guy would have let it go a long time ago if he wasn't getting attention back.

    I think you should talk to her and find out the truth. But be prepared to end a friendship.

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    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I usually err on side of caution. So don't jump to conclusions.

    This is a best friend... when you are alone and hanging out, tell her something has been bothering you and you want to hear what actually happened with the ex boyfriend.

    LISTEN MORE THAN TALK!

    That will tell you what you need to know. Keep asking open ended questions... like how did he start talking to her? How often was this going on? What were her thoughts? What does she think is his game? How would she handle this if she were you?

    Unfortunately, she's gotta be a snake before you accuse her.

    Gage how this convo goes... start thinking about how you can distance yourself from her. Do you have any friends that are not friends with her?

    Lean on those friends. That's why its always good to have lots of groups of friends... makes for easy exits with very little suspicion.

    Totally sucks. I know. Hang in there.

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    She should have shut that down and continued to stonewall. This is not okay and I would distance myself from her.

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    Dump her, too! Terrible! She broke the girl code.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I have a saying. . that stray cats don't come around unless someone is feeding them
    Someone is feeding this cat, or he'd grow weary from being shut down and go elsewhere.
    Why is it he's still coming around? That would be a question for your best friend.
    Love this!

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