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Thread: Am I in the wrong?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    How are you dealing with this OP? Have you put your foot down, or are you allowing her to have her way?

    I am sure there have been other similar episodes.

    Your children will remember how you handle these types of situations. Forever. You need to have their back as a parent.

    Can I understand frustration with leaving a mess? Sure. But it sounds like she is having an extreme reaction to what amounts to normal teenage messiness.

    Also, I find it odd that you would even ask if there is something off about her refusing to let your kids shower OP. Why do you need an internet forum full of strangers to validate that there is something wrong with what she is saying?

  2. #32
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    Originally Posted by dsdavid
    They are improving but she doesn't want to acknowledge it. I guess I am looking at it as messy or not how do you say my kids can't use the shower for 2 days.
    Its your house too... How/why do you let her dictate like that? I would just tell her that they are using the shower and if it's not cleaned up to your liking then I'll clean it up again after they've done their best. Who is she? The queen of dsDavidville?

  3. #33
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    I think we understand why her kid lives with her ex 100 percent of the time.

    My first order of business would be to schedule a plumber. Then I'd tell wife that I'm allowing the kids to use the working shower. If she has any gripes afterward, she can report them to me, and I'll handle the problem.

    I'd tell wife that this is obviously a symptom of larger problem, and I'm open to discussing that and negotiating our way through it. However, she'll need to be specific rather than lob some generalized abstraction at me. If she's upset about messes, she can raise each instance with me as it occurs, and we'll figure out how, exactly, she wants me to address it.

    Pressing wife to detail exactly what bothers her at any given moment will teach you whether wife is being driven nuts by a bunch of stuff you don't notice, or, she'll point out nits and you can recognize that her real gripe is resentment toward your kids and possibly jealousy over their relationship with you.

    I would not accuse her of that, but I'd welcome her to pick out a marriage counselor for you both to attend. Her resentments may make her feel guilty, so it's important that she does the picking so she won't feel that you're partnering with a counselor to gang up on her.

    If wife won't attend counseling, you have a hard choice to make. Is catering to someone who makes your kids feel unwelcome in their own home something you'll want to continue?

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    I really feel bad for your children. 16 and 18, they can be told what to do and expected to do it. The 11 year old probably does need more supervision.

    Although something you said struck me.... they spend all their time in their rooms except meals.

    Did you ever think its cause the step mom is unbearable?

    My point is... you need to work out this family dynamic. You as your children's father must be their advocate. They are only under your roof for so long... and the way it sounds when their gone, they are GONE! it'll be you and your control b... err wife.

    You gotta do right by your kids. What are you doing? Have you lost your gourd and your sense? In what world do you need confirmation that denying showers is ok?

    When you get that shower fixed, you might want to fix your manhood, too.



  6. #35
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Sydney Australia
    My Son is divorced and has remarried. He has a 10 yr old Son.
    He has his Son every weekend.
    My DIL is amazing, she treats my Grandson like her own child.
    He loves her, to the point of buying his Mum & His Stepmum the same Mother's day presents.

    Your children will never have this relationship with your wife. She sounds horrid. Your kids dont feel welcome in your home, hence the only coming out to be fed.

    You really need to change the dynamic here, if you dont your children wont be coming to visit you when they have their own families

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