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Thread: Am I in the wrong?

  1. #21
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    How are you dealing with this OP? Have you put your foot down, or are you allowing her to have her way?

    I am sure there have been other similar episodes.

    Your children will remember how you handle these types of situations. Forever. You need to have their back as a parent.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    No, no "further context" is needed. The line ends at ****in' depriving children of basic human rights. Even prisoners get a shower a day. She expect them to stand in front of the sink and hand wash and rinse themselves? It's unforgivable and a completely separate issue from any amount of mess your kids might leave.

    My advice: third time's a charm. Obviously work on yourself and your picker before you remarry again.
    Absolutely.
    ....

  3. #23
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    My community is so still completely shook up by what happened to Thomas Valva
    [Register to see the link]

    Your new wife is messed up. I don't care how messy my kids or your kids are. It's their house too. Don't ever let her make them feel less. Not letting them shower is already telling them they are less. She sucks.

  4. #24

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    I will be letting them shower regardless of what she says. Thank you for all of the comments.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You need to clean up after them and teach them to clean up after themselves. Do not mistake "loving them as her own" with you and them treating her like the cleaning lady and nanny. She is their stepmother. She doesn't have to love them. It would be nice but all she has to do is respect your relationship with them.

    The 18 y/o has the right to live wherever he wants. There is no 50/50 "custody" in that case. Consider letting him go away y to college. Also consider letting them stay with their mother more often i f this much tension is created by this.

    You need to step things up quite a bit. How is it your kids get away with this? This is not a one time event. The shower breaking is just another tipping point. You need to be a much more involved father and teach the kids how to respect themselves, the rights of others etc. You also should consider a housekeeper if they are not picking up and you are not setting any example.

    If the shower is broken they can stay at their mother's until it's fixed or they learn from you how to pick up after themselves. They are rebelling and disrespecting your wife and for some strange reason you allow this and in fact chime in with emotional blackmail such as .."if you loved them...'.
    Originally Posted by dsdavid
    My kids can at times be messy. This drives my wife crazy. I understand her concern and I continue to work with my kids to make sure they pick up after themselves and clean up their messes. The other day the shower in their bathroom broke. It might take a few days to get this fixed and she is refusing to let my kids use our shower in the meantime because they are messy. I think she should treat my kids as her own.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 02-25-2020 at 02:23 PM.

  7. #26
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Wait, I'm confused. This isn't just "her" bathroom, it's both of yours. She has no right to ban anyone from using it. How is this even up for debate? People need to shower, end of. I would laugh at such a ridiculous request and if she was actually serious, I'd pack my bags and go live in an environment, where my children aren't being denied basic human rights.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dsdavid
    I will be letting them shower regardless of what she says.
    This solves one problem, in that it gets your children bathed until the faucet is fixed. But, all in all, that seems like the smallest problem in this whole scenario.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. You need to clean up after them and teach them to clean up after themselves. Do not mistake "loving them as her own" with you and them treating her like the cleaning lady and nanny. She is their stepmother. She doesn't have to love them. It would be nice but all she has to do is respect your relationship with them.

    The 18 y/o has the right to live wherever he wants. There is no 50/50 "custody" in that case. Consider letting him go away y to college. Also consider letting them stay with their mother more often i f this much tension is created by this.

    You need to step things up quite a bit. How is it your kids get away with this? This is not a one time event. The shower breaking is just another tipping point. You need to be a much more involved father and teach the kids how to respect themselves, the rights of others etc. You also should consider a housekeeper if they are not picking up and you are not setting any example.

    If the shower is broken they can stay at their mother's until it's fixed or they learn from you how to pick up after themselves. They are rebelling and disrespecting your wife and for some strange reason you allow this and in fact chime in with emotional blackmail such as .."if you loved them...'.
    If their shower is broken and you have another functional one in the house, you provide them access to it. Period. It's their home, not a third world detention center.

    Don't pawn off your parental responsibility to provide for your children's most basic hygienic needs onto your former spouse. And no, you don't use access to a shower as leverage to foster cleanliness. It's as barbaric as it is devoid of any logic. "If you don't clean up, you can't shower." I could wake a methhead passed out next to their baby and probably still hear a better parenting strategy.

    There is nothing about your kids having an untidy bedroom and failing to throw a red solo cup in the recycling that bears even the tiniest proportionality to being denied access to the shower. It's not a privilege to lose.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    There is nothing about your kids having an untidy bedroom and failing to throw a red solo cup in the recycling that bears even the tiniest proportionality to being denied access to the shower. It's not a privilege to lose.
    I absolutely agree. She is being absurd here.

    OP, how did her abusive ex win custody? Are you sure that's actually what happened? Her behaviour here makes me wonder if there is a lot more to that story that she has edited out. How often does she see or speak to her own child?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly you are right-fighting with your wife. Even though there are viable peaceful solutions/compromises such as having it fixed promptly or letting them stay with their mother while there are household issues. You seem to have an inordinate amount of baggage left over from your divorce from their mother. This shower thing is a symptom, not the problem.

    Unfortunately after being married this briefly it sounds like marriage therapy may be in order if a simple household issues like this has you at each other's throats. Why won't you allow their mother to have them a few extra days, what's the big deal? Were there this many right-fights with her too? Or she doesn't have showers in her house?
    Originally Posted by dsdavid
    I am remarried and have 3 kids that live with us 50% of the time. 11, 16, and 18. My kids can at times be messy. The other day the shower in their bathroom broke. It might take a few days to get this fixed and she is refusing to let my kids use our shower in the meantime because they are messy. I find this totally offensive as I think she should treat my kids as her own. I would never tell her that her son couldn't use our shower if his was broken no matter what faults he might have. Am I wrong for thinking this way?

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