How do i get over the guilt and regret

Basically i broke up with my boyfriend.

During my first/second year of uni, i was seeing another boy but it was a cycle of being used and hurt and it lead me into a very dark place and i didn't have the self respect to walk away from it so it caused quite a bit of emotional damage and trust issues. During that time, my ex boyfriend (before we had dated) was messaging me the entire time asking to take me out over and over again but i always declined and i made it clear that i was just in a bad place and i couldn't inflict pain on someone else because it would be unfair, and neither did i lead him on. I then took around 6 months to heal myself and i stayed away from dating and talking to boys because i knew i wasn't ready for a relationship. Anyway, once university rolled around, he started to beg again to see me and i told him that i didn't want to see anyone as i was afraid of being hurt. He told me he just wanted to just take me out once on one date. So i gave him the chance and i ended up really enjoying myself, he was so sweet and in comparison to anyone i've been with before he made me feel respected and loved. We began seeing each other and it was honestly perfect, we were so happy and he told me all the time how happy he was to have found me and i felt the same. I felt like i had found the male opposite of myself and for once in my life i felt happy and safe with someone and was excited to see where things would go because i didn't think he would hurt me as he showed me so much affection. Whenever i was down he would turn up at my door without telling me and we spent so much time together that i look back and think we spent too much time together. The only issue was that in the 4 months of knowing him this way we had only been on 1 date together. I'd say after 6 weeks of seeing each other he told me he loved me and i couldn't say it back because i thought it was way too soon to feel that strongly about each other. 2 weeks later he asked me to be his girlfriend, after just seeing each other for 2 months, and i said yes, and everything carried on perfectly although i think it was moving too fast. When christmas came, we went home for 2 weeks and i fell really ill and i couldn't physically stay awake, i was sleeping all the time and running back and forth to the doctors every day and he began to change and become really distant even though i told him how ill i was and he just thought i'd stopped making the effort.

As soon as we got back to univeristy, things carried on as normal for 2 weeks and then i started to feel less important. We'd make plans to spend the evening together and he told me he had to cancel because he had too much important work to do for the next day so i understood and we went for a 15 minute chat in his car to just see each other. I then saw a story of him out with his friends an hour later and i was upset that he couldnt tell me the truth that he wanted to go out instead of seeing me, and he had lied about having so much work to do but could spend time with friends. He got really angry and defensive about it when i was just upset that he couldnt tell me the truth because I probably wouldnt have been as upset, and tried to explain that he could've just told me he wanted to see friends that night. Following that we started arguing every day for over a week over small things and i just felt like it gradually started to go downhill and he was showing less and less interest in me.

We went from seeing each other most nights to it being once a week, he stopped begging to see me and i just didn't feel like he was as obsessed with me as he once was. I tried to speak to him about this and we agreed that we just needed a night together to go on a date and talk about us and get past the arguing. When that day came, he changed our date night plans so he could go on a night out with the boys he lived with and made me feel guilty for being upset by telling me he doesn't do anything with his friends when i never complained about him always going out with them and for drinks when we didnt do that anywhere near as much, wed been out once.

I was upset that we dedicated a night to talk through our issues and he made me feel like i was second best. He stopped communicating with me, ignored me that evening/night because he was going out and was just really angry at me for being upset about it. And then i made the stupid impulsive decision to end the relationship because i didnt want to be with someone that didnt think our feelings and issues were important and we had a tough week. The very next day i regretted what i'd done and i told him it was unfair for me to be so immature and mess with his feelings by dumping him out of anger. I told him how much i adored him every day following the breakup and that i was afraid and upset that i'd let the past cloud my thoughts and i felt like i had over reacted to the situation when i thought i had moved on from the past. He told me that i wasnt ready for a relationship which hurt me because i had told him before that i didnt want anyone and he had begged and begged to see me, but i know it was unfair and i shouldnt have seen him if i wasnt ready but i thought i was :( every day he got more and more distant and said i didnt deserve the chance to fix what i had done so he wouldnt see me in person. he told me that he thought i was special and that hed never felt this way about anyone and i got angry, which i know is unfair as i dumped him, because i didnt understand how he could feel that way about me but not be willing to let me explain myself. we stayed in touch every day for a month and i tried to prove to him every day how much i appreciated his efforts and that i would be more careful with my irrational decisions and thoughts in the future, one day he told me he was working on changing his mind and he missed me and he still adored me, but after 3 weeks he was back on tinder and never told me he was moving on until my friend found him on there and at the 4th week he told me all of his feelings for me were gone and that there was 0 future for the 2 of us so i was angry again because he had begged for me for a year and then felt nothing for me after just 4 weeks.

I've left him alone now and i havent been in touch and don't plan on contacting him because i respect that i've hurt him but i can't seem to shake the guilt im feeling and the regret of dumping him when i truly felt happy and had maybe found the one. But i also feel pathetic because i'm so hung up on the situation and we were only actually in a relationship for 2 months. My head is just all over the place and i've been thinking about talking to someone at university because i'm so upset that i hurt him and that i cant control how i handle things and it was unfair for me to get angry at things when i was the one who broke his heart, I know I was a selfish person and immature and clearly not ready to be in a relationship if I can dump him out of anger so i'm going to take more time to heal and speak to someone who can help me figure out my thoughts. I'm just really upset because i've never connected with someone like this and i'm upset i hurt him and i tried to explain but he wouldnt listen and its understandable. I just dont know how to move on and let go when i know i have to and the guilt and regret it killing me

You did the right thing breaking up. Focus on your courses, classes. Join some sports, groups and clubs. Get a part-time job. Round yourself out more as a person and make some good friends. If you run into a nice guy great, if not,great. Enjoy your uni life free of romantic hassles like this. Who needs this much drama, right?

i broke up with my boyfriend.

The only issue was that in the 4 months of knowing him this way we had only been on 1 date together.

Pump the breaks. A LOT. You are in college. You are both still growing as people and have a lot of maturing to do. He wanted to hang out with his buddies because that is what college guys do. You didn't break his heart. Your heart might be hurting because he didn't prioritize you like you wanted him to. But there's nothing you can do about that.

Decide whether you'll want to bounce back from this experience to learn and impress yourself with your resilience, or whether you'll use your intelligence against yourself to drill a deeper hole to climb out of.

Your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus, and you've already paid for the service. Why not use it, and make it a goal to surprise yourself with better choices that will inspire an attitude that's the opposite of digging yourself into a rut?

We all encounter relationships with people who turn out to NOT be right for us. We can use these experiences to learn and grow, or we can harm ourselves with them and teach ourselves to play small.

It's a decision. Choose wisely.