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Thread: To pursue in the future, or forget about it?

  1. #1
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    To pursue in the future, or forget about it?

    I'm a 24 year old male, a few days ago I met a girl randomly. We had really good conversation and had a ton of similar experiences/traits.

    As we went our ways she asked me if I had a Instagram, followed me on Instagram and gave me her number without me asking for it.

    Anyhow I ended up texting her a day later and we had a good, fun conversation. The day after I asked if she would want to meet up sometime for dinner and a couple drinks.

    Basically she said "Possibly, I recently just got out of a relationship in the last month that was years long and I just am not emotionally ready to get to know anyone new yet."

    I talked to a mutual friend and I pieced together she was engaged and they were together like 10 years prior to their breakup.

    So I get it. She's not ready to have anything serious or really even entertain anyone new in her life. I respect it, and have been there myself. I plan on not reaching out to her again and letting her be.

    I guess my question is, should I maybe reach out to her in a few weeks and just be friendly, and see what happens? Do something else, or just scrap it all? I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I just really enjoyed her personality, and wouldn't want to pass up the oppertunity of getting to know her better one day.

    I have been meeting and dating other women the last month (kind of irrelevant but just wanted to point out I'm not just obsessed over this girl lol).

    Thanks for any advice! I never have dealt with this sort of situation before.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I would not reach out, because she needs months, not weeks. Stay engaged on insta. Date and hope she does the same. Look for opportunity in 9 to 12 months.

  3. #3
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    I would scrap it. A few weeks won't be anywhere near enough time for her to made much progress in her healing.

    She knows where to find you when/if she feels ready.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If she wanted to date you, she would have agreed to go out. Don't call her in two weeks or two months. She doesn't seem interested.

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  6. #5
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    Thanks for the replies everyone. I appreciate the feedback! I know it's all honest and not sugar coated!

    The whole ordeal was just kind of throwing me in a loop. I didn't ask for her number or for the Instagram thing she asked and gave it to me. And when I texted her she seemed really happy to hear from me. I showed the texts to a female coworker and she told me she definitely wanted to hangout haha. But what the girl told me holds the true answer! I'll back off 100%. The time it'll take her to get back to a dating state of mind I'm sure is enough time to where I'll probably be with someone else.

    Thanks for the help. And if anyone else has anything to add, feel free to comment. I appreciate all of the honest feedback :)

  7. #6
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    Perhaps she thought she was ready to date again, and enjoyed having someone to chat to - but when push came to shove and the prospect of actually going on a date was a reality, she realized she wasn't up for it.

    I was in her shoes after the end of a long relationship some years ago. I thought I was ready sooner than I actually was, and had to politely decline a date invitation for that very reason. It was fun to chat with someone but my (inner) reaction when he asked to take me out on a real date told me I had a long way to go before I could accept that offer.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I would not reach out, because she needs months, not weeks. Stay engaged on insta. Date and hope she does the same. Look for opportunity in 9 to 12 months.
    I agree with this. Leave your door open for future potential, but otherwise, opt out of the rebound thing.

    People cannot tell you that they're rebounding--they just are. No matter how 'ready' they believe themselves to be after a breakup, that's never the point. If you go there, it's only a matter of time--even after a stellar start and possibly even a great relationship--you'll one day get The Talk. You'll hear what a fabulous person you are, but I just should have taken the time to be on my own and find myself..."

    Don't go there.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. At least she was honest upfront so she's not leading you on and you won't waste your time pursuing her. Pull back from her. She has your contact info. Beware the friendzone, which is were she has you at this point.
    Originally Posted by Trimper
    she said "Possibly, I recently just got out of a relationship in the last month that was years long and I just am not emotionally ready to get to know anyone new yet."

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's fine to keep each other's contact info, but now the ball will be in her court to ask you out, which won't be for a long time. In the meantime, don't get emotionally invested in her if she attempts a lot of communication, which might prevent you from seeking out other opportunities to date women who are emotionally ready, right now. You don't want to put yourself on ice for a woman who might not ever come around to wanting to date you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    It's fine to keep each other's contact info, but ... don't get emotionally invested in her if she attempts a lot of communication ...
    Good point. Careful of fantasy building. That can set you up to hold expectations that the real person can't live up to.


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