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Thread: Mom has been diagnosed mild to moderate dementia.

  1. #1
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    Mom has been diagnosed mild to moderate dementia.

    She was diagnosed about a week ago a few days before he 90th birthday. Her doctor moved away and was without one for a year and it has been a year where she diminished a lot. It looks like mom has a great doctor now at least but of course the diagnosis was not welcomed at all by mom. I can already see it will be a difficult road ahead as she is in complete denial.

    I am not sure what the scale is exactly but I think she is closer to moderate dementia. At times she loses complete awareness about where she is, she was moved into a home little more than two months ago, we're waiting for her to be placed in memory care. She can't name the town where she is living, make a cup of tea or coffee, can't read a digital clock, the list goes on.

    Right now she is in independent living but after wandering aimlessly in the hallways during the middle most nights, one of us has to stay with her overnight to keep an eye on her. She continues to deny everything, she can't wait until she is back in her own home, or better yet thinking about buying a home close to a store so she can be completely independent. Completely unrealistic but I can understand her fears about losing her independence, and "status".
    Last edited by lukeb; 02-24-2020 at 07:39 PM.

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    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm sorry. It's tough for sure.

    Can you and your family afford a live-in caretaker?

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your mom and you, lukeb.

    When my husband's elderly grandmother was diagnosed with dementia, it was very sad. We started treating her differently in a good way. When speaking to her, we kept sentences and conversations simple and brief. We didn't complicate nor confuse the conversation by saying too many words. The key is to remain concise.

    Also, I had noticed that her long term memory was outstanding and she remembered every minutiae from over 80 years ago or ever since she was 3 years old! She remembered every vivd detail as a child during WW2 yet she couldn't remember what you told her yesterday let alone 5 minutes ago. We asked her a lot of questions regarding her childhood, teen years and young adulthood because her long term memory was sharp as a tack. Her short term memory wasn't there.

    She became frustrated due to her lack of independence and rickety, shaky, unstable walk. She couldn't stand more than a few seconds and preferred to sit down. She required a walker and wheelchair. She slept a lot.

    She passed away years ago, unfortunately.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Perhaps mom needs to be living in an assisted living facility.

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Perhaps mom needs to be living in an assisted living facility.
    Thanks everyone, she is in a home now but independent living so it is kind of up to us to keep an eye on her overnight until she can be placed in memory care. That can take a few weeks but things are in motion.

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    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Dad informed me last year that my mum is in the same way. Our family doctor, on the side of the world they live, rang him after a check up with a strategy of how to get her treatment without scaring her. Mum's always been independent, and an over thinker, so if she knew she would worry endlessly. Especially since we watched my grandmother disappear into her own mind years ago.

    I probably see my family once every 1-2 years, so it was a bit of a shock.

    I'm thankful that dad is still there to look after her, but it's going to be hard.

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    Well things are moving but slowly mom is on a waiting list now to be placed in memory care but it could take some time. A few months possibly. The case worker is suggesting that we should consider being open to placement in neighboring towns for faster placement, then if a spot opens up where she is at now she could be transferred back. I think that once she is placed anywhere she will never be a priority to be transferred where most of her family lives and can visit. So we are in a tough spot, for now one of us has to stay with her overnight to make sure she doesn't wander.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am so sorry, lukeb.

    I went through it with my father. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 70 and passed away at 76.

    Just know that dementia at 90 is part & parcel of a decline in age. I know it doesn't make it any easier.

    At 54 you are at the age where many of your friends are also facing challenges with their aging parents. Nothing really prepares for how difficult it is, right? Just know you aren't alone.

    It's sort of a right of passage thing for those that stay behind. Stay strong.

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    Mom got placed in memory care yesterday, she is not adjusting well and with COVID-19 we are not allowed to visit her. So she went from one day from a large apartment where she was in independent living where we were there everyday and one of us staying over every night to watch her to a tiny room on a locked ward and not allowed visitors. It is going to be tough there is no other way to say it.


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