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Thread: Ex reaching out nearly 2 years after

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Did you also delete her contact info?

    Didn't really have that saved anyway, I deleted her number not that long after we broke up.


    She's blocked on all social media which is the only way we've ever really contacted, I don't have her number anymore but if she tries to text/ring me I'll block that too. Doubt she will, when she sees she is blocked I expect her to move on to someone else.

  2. #62
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You definitely have a blind spot when it comes to her.

    The blocking is a great start. Be sure to also delete her contact info and unfriend and unfollow and then block her from all messaging and social media platforms. Do the same with her parents, friends and other family members.

    She wants to use you. So make sure she can't.

    Can't really delete all friends because we have some mutuals who I am very close with, but I know those mutuals won't contact me through her and they have no interest in being involved. The mutual we were going to meet up with on this trip said to me that he didn't think it was remotely a good idea that she comes and he was very dubious about how it would work.

    But yeah, she's deleted/blocked on all possible social medias and I don't have her contact info. I do have a soft spot for her and pretty much always have, but I guess even that has its limits..

  3. #63
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    Worth mentioning that this guy she mentioned seeing is also her best friends ex, and as far as I'm aware she hasn't told her friend about it at all. Just in general doesn't seem to have any sense of how other people feel.

    Thanks to everyone for all the advice, unfortunately I was very stubborn about it and probably did need the shot in the bloody arm that was the message. Again, one of those you just read over and over because you can't actually believe someone has written that and then thought it's ok to press send.
    But dude? If you dig deep you'll see that a text like that has, historically, worked. In ways big and small you have probably validated that kind of behavior from her (as fragility, as mental health issues, as okay because she is smoking hot, as....) over and over and over. It's part of how you two "work," and part of why you broke up.

    My advice is to be surgical with yourself and see your "soft spot" for her as something elseóa little toxic cluster of cells inside of you that needs your attention, so it just sits dormant and anyone who causes those cells to multiply is someone to walk away from. Will save you from future rides on this sort rollercoaster, with her or with facsimiles of her.

  4. #64
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    The most you would get out of this would be a romp in the hay, for a shoulder to cry on. No offense, but I have a hunch you're leaving a door open. With that said, be careful what you wish for.

    Hopefully you'll make the right choices...

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  6. #65
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    Can't really delete all friends because we have some mutuals who I am very close with, but I know those mutuals won't contact me through her and they have no interest in being involved. The mutual we were going to meet up with on this trip said to me that he didn't think it was remotely a good idea that she comes and he was very dubious about how it would work.

    But yeah, she's deleted/blocked on all possible social medias and I don't have her contact info. I do have a soft spot for her and pretty much always have, but I guess even that has its limits..
    It's interesting that you'll ignore all your friends' opinions and the advice you receive on this forum, but she takes a dig at you and that finally gets through to you.

    It shows she has this power over you that you don't seem to be able or want to break.

    Like I asked before, why is she such a unicorn to you? Why is the combination of "depression" and manipulation she uses so effective over you?

    I hope you keep her blocked this time, for your own well being.

  7. #66
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    That wouldn't be me. As far as I know she'd had 3 boyfriends since we broke up.


    (although in fairness, I could be the only one who gives her the time of day..)
    Ok, they return to any of the people from their past*

    This is extremely common behavior. Going back to a familiar place, someone who you know will furnish you with attention so you arenít lonely. Thatís what sheís doing.

  8. #67
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's interesting that you'll ignore all your friends' opinions and the advice you receive on this forum, but she takes a dig at you and that finally gets through to you.

    It shows she has this power over you that you don't seem to be able or want to break.

    Like I asked before, why is she such a unicorn to you? Why is the combination of "depression" and manipulation she uses so effective over you?

    I hope you keep her blocked this time, for your own well being.

    It wasn't that I was ignoring them, it was just that I struggled to see her in a certain light for whatever reason. I was winding down contact before she sent that message but I guess it was the moment that sealed it?


    I can't really answer the other questions, she was my first 'proper' long term relationship so I guess that will have a lot to do with it, and I've struggled a lot since to trust someone/date long term. So I've always had a soft spot for her.

  9. #68
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    The most you would get out of this would be a romp in the hay, for a shoulder to cry on. No offense, but I have a hunch you're leaving a door open. With that said, be careful what you wish for.

    Hopefully you'll make the right choices...

    I think you're probably right that I was leaving the door slightly open before she sent the aforementioned message, but I don't think I could even look at myself in the mirror if I started talking to her again now.

    I agree though, there was nothing beneficial I could've gotten out of it, even before the message. And that was something I did know but again, for some reason I've struggled badly to act rationally when it comes to her.

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    But dude? If you dig deep you'll see that a text like that has, historically, worked. In ways big and small you have probably validated that kind of behavior from her (as fragility, as mental health issues, as okay because she is smoking hot, as....) over and over and over. It's part of how you two "work," and part of why you broke up.

    My advice is to be surgical with yourself and see your "soft spot" for her as something elseóa little toxic cluster of cells inside of you that needs your attention, so it just sits dormant and anyone who causes those cells to multiply is someone to walk away from. Will save you from future rides on this sort rollercoaster, with her or with facsimiles of her.

    Yeah, that's all fair. It's definitely weird and wrong that I still viewed her in this way and gave her attention even though she was a terrible girlfriend and a terrible ex.


    Think she has probably got worse since we dated, as I definitely enabled the hell out of her behaviour, so it doesn't surprise me she's had multiple other failed relationships. Guess I have to work out why I was stupid enough to put up with it.

  11. #70
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are talking to her every day now. It's better to admit that you are attached to her that to have this mental battle within yourself. You are the causality in that battle.
    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I don't think I could even look at myself in the mirror if I started talking to her again now.

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