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Thread: Ex reaching out nearly 2 years after

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    She's being a jerk and treating you like a doormat, OP.

    You desperately need to find your backbone and realize she's not coming back for the reasons you hope. You will never move on if you don't close the door on this screwball.
    I agree! She is using you, and you are being a "doormat."

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "We'd been dating for like 2 years (at Uni) and had our issues, for example I had a higher sex drive, we didn't share too many interests, life goals etc .. but the biggest issue was her depression, which now and again reared its head in a really bad way and she would have major doubts about our relationship during that. Whilst she was staying at mine over the summer this happened again and she left, but she has had these doubts in the past and we've reconciled so I'm wondering if this is something she will regret down the line and try and reach out?

    I know logically we had a lot of issues, the depression etc kept her in bed so often."


    What is there about this dynamic that you want to return to? It sounds very unhealthy.

    I don't really want to return to it, but there's still feelings there and I can't really rationalise it in any way. I'm not really sure how talking to her makes me feel.

  3. #33
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    Stop talking to her. Block her and move on with your life.

  4. #34
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    Another reason I'm kinda hesitant to block/be harsh about it is a few months back she found out I'd suffered a death in the family and was messaging me every day for a while to check on me. So I'd feel kinda bad to completely cut her off without warning.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I'm not really sure how talking to her makes me feel.
    I'll take a stab in the dark, if you'll indulge me.

    Talking to her makes you feel like you "matter." Yeah, it makes you feel all sorts of other things, none of them great, but it does give you that. And there is not a human being on earth who does not want to "matter" to other people, and even the most mature and enlightened among us would like to know that we "mattered" to exes.

    So when she circles back to you, drops a spicy and wounded avalanche of TMI on you—well, it answers that eternal question: Yeah, you "matter" to her. She's getting the same thing, of course. She's bummed about no longer "mattering" to one dude, about maybe "mattering" to some Tinder dude, and so she turns to you, the tried and true dude who has shown a higher than average threshold for eating dirt, for a little reinforcement, a little hit of "mattering" to someone.

    Were I to give you both advice it would be the same: there are much, much, much better ways to feel like you "matter" than this. Alas, I have only your eyes and ears at the moment, so to you I say, or ask: Is this what you want to do with your life to feel like you matter? Is having some sway over her that important? Is this where you want to be investing your emotional currency at the dawn of adulthood?

    No need to answer those questions right away, but I would reflect on them.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'll take a stab in the dark, if you'll indulge me.

    Talking to her makes you feel like you "matter." Yeah, it makes you feel all sorts of other things, none of them great, but it does give you that. And there is not a human being on earth who does not want to "matter" to other people, and even the most mature and enlightened among us would like to know that we "mattered" to exes.

    So when she circles back to you, drops a spicy and wounded avalanche of TMI on you—well, it answers that eternal question: Yeah, you "matter" to her. She's getting the same thing, of course. She's bummed about no longer "mattering" to one dude, about maybe "mattering" to some Tinder dude, and so she turns to you, the tried and true dude who has shown a higher than average threshold for eating dirt, for a little reinforcement, a little hit of "mattering" to someone.

    Were I to give you both advice it would be the same: there are much, much, much better ways to feel like you "matter" than this. Alas, I have only your eyes and ears at the moment, so to you I say, or ask: Is this what you want to do with your life to feel like you matter? Is having some sway over her that important? Is this where you want to be investing your emotional currency at the dawn of adulthood? No wish to answer those questions, but I would reflect on them.

    I think you're probably pretty accurate with that. It doesn't help that I have very little on atm (waiting on a new job which starts all the way in May) so I'm kinda unhealthily focusing on this whereas if it had happened a month or so ago I would've been able to focus more on other things. I had a similar situation when we originally broke up and I didn't have much on, and then improved massively when I had a lot more going on in my life. I can kinda get very obsessive over something if I'm just sat around twiddling my thumbs and I think thats probably the case here.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is it possible, since she's between guys, that you could get lucky?
    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I told her I was driving to visit an old mutual friend and she's asked to join me (it's a very long trip and I will have to stop off etc).

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is it possible, since she's between guys, that you could get lucky?

    Sure, we'd be staying in the same accommodation etc and it could happen, but it's not something I'd really want to happen.

    I know 100% it wouldn't lead to anything remotely long term and would just re-open old wounds to an even worse extent.

  10. #39
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    Listen, dude, re-read what other posters have written. Don't be her doormat, don't make excuses why you feel bad blocking her, etc. Just stop...breathe, and BLOCK HER!! NOW!!! Do not put yourself in a position to be disrespected. End of story. I don't mean to be harsh, but end things with this woman. You seem like a nice person so get some self-respect, and move on. You deserve better, and you know it!

  11. #40
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My guess is she's lonely and maybe wants you back. Personally, I'd block and delete her and move on with life.

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