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Thread: Ex reaching out nearly 2 years after

  1. #21
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Be honest with yourself if not with us...you won't block her because you hope to get back together with her. You always have hoped.

    I know there are people who respond to mistreatment by going back for more because they MUST get the person to love them, no matter what. It's unhealthy and self-destructive but they want that person so badly they'll do anything to try to keep them.

    Again, therapy would help you tremendously.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok then just pare things way down. Unless you are in some way hoping to take the left-overs and re-up the romance? If not, you can be diplomatic as well as clear and firm about trips or listening to her latest dates and drama.

    If you are chatting daily it already looks like you're not over her.
    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I'm self-conscious about the fact that I'll look like the angry ex who isn't over her after 1 and a half years.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Be honest with yourself if not with us...you won't block her because you hope to get back together with her. You always have hoped.

    I know there are people who respond to mistreatment by going back for more because they MUST get the person to love them, no matter what. It's unhealthy and self-destructive but they want that person so badly they'll do anything to try to keep them.

    Again, therapy would help you tremendously.

    If I do wanna get back together it's buried deep in my subconscious ... I'm fully aware that it would be a terrible idea and completely impractical. I do think there's still some feelings there that resurfaced after talking etc, but outright wanting to get back together? I'm not so sure.


    I think I'd struggle to actually open up in therapy. I'm not good at talking about stuff like that in person.

  4. #24
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    You have become her ego booster and 'new gf.'. You have become her free therapist. Why haven't you blocked this woman? Cut her off!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds in her state of chronic depression, drama etc she is easy pickings. However that is not good for you or for her. You claim she is 'emotion dumping" but yet you seem to be getting a lot out of feeling needed by her.
    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I do think there's still some feelings there that resurfaced after talking etc, but outright wanting to get back together? I'm not so sure.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds in her state of chronic depression, drama etc she is easy pickings. However that is not good for you or for her. You claim she is 'emotion dumping" but yet you seem to be getting a lot out of feeling needed by her.

    I don't feel needed by her at all, and I don't think that if she felt like she needed me she would be talking about other guys she's seeing etc.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by jeremiahsain
    I don't feel needed by her at all, and I don't think that if she felt like she needed me she would be talking about other guys she's seeing etc.
    That is a total mind*ck on her part. I really don't get why you are allowing her to do this to you. She does not give a damn about your feelings.

  9. #28
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    She's being a jerk and treating you like a doormat, OP.

    You desperately need to find your backbone and realize she's not coming back for the reasons you hope. You will never move on if you don't close the door on this screwball.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    That is a total mind*ck on her part. I really don't get why you are allowing her to do this to you. She does not give a damn about your feelings.

    I kinda just wanted to act like it didn't bother me at all, and felt like anything else would look like I cared what she was doing.


    Honestly though, I can't rationalise her intent. I get the whole 'male girlfriend' thing but she also throws plenty in there which makes me think that's not the case. Asking to go on this trip which would mean staying together for multiple nights etc is one of those things.

  11. #30
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    "We'd been dating for like 2 years (at Uni) and had our issues, for example I had a higher sex drive, we didn't share too many interests, life goals etc .. but the biggest issue was her depression, which now and again reared its head in a really bad way and she would have major doubts about our relationship during that. Whilst she was staying at mine over the summer this happened again and she left, but she has had these doubts in the past and we've reconciled so I'm wondering if this is something she will regret down the line and try and reach out?

    I know logically we had a lot of issues, the depression etc kept her in bed so often."


    What is there about this dynamic that you want to return to? It sounds very unhealthy.

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